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Pain, Fear, Stigma: What People Who Survived Monkeypox Want You to Know
Seven patients share their stories of devastating symptoms, their frustration over finding care and their efforts to help each other when doctors and officials have failed.
By Liam Stack, Joseph Goldstein and Sharon OttermanPhotographs by Justin J Wee
The New York Times
Aug. 31, 2022
Updated 7:44 a.m. ET
It began as an odd-looking pimple, or perhaps as a weird rash, or maybe as a sudden wave of fatigue in the middle of a hot summer day. The doctor was stumped, or said it was not a big deal, or — just maybe — identified it right away: monkeypox.
New York City has been the epicenter of an outbreak of an old disease that has created new havoc. More than 18,000 cases have been identified across the United States, as of the end of August, and nearly 3,000 of them have been found in the city, mostly among men who have sex with men. Increased access to an effective antiviral medication called tecovirimat, or Tpoxx, and an effort to vaccinate thousands of people most at risk have led to eased symptoms for some.
But not for everyone: Infected lesions and other complications still land some patients in the hospital. Even those with mild cases are forced to isolate at home for weeks, away from family, friends and pets. Many who recover carry psychological wounds or face social stigma. Others remain deeply frustrated with the sluggish public health response that has left so many in their community vulnerable.
Monkeypox mainly spreads through close physical contact, including sexual contact, although it can also spread via bed linens or other materials used by an infected person. People with monkeypox often get rashes or lesions, and experience flulike symptoms.
Fatalities from the disease have been rare. Still, more than a dozen people died of monkeypox globally this year and authorities are examining whether monkeypox caused the death of a person in Texas this month. And even as new cases of monkeypox have begun to decline in New York City and around the world, doctors and scientists warn that cases are still rising in some places and that the disease remains both dangerous and not very well understood. Whether monkeypox is eradicated in New York City or becomes endemic remains to be seen.

Hazmat suits
Boomer Banks
Miguel Anda, a nightlife host and sex worker known professionally as Boomer Banks, hardly noticed the odd-looking pimple that appeared on his face on June 2, when New York City had fewer than a dozen diagnosed cases of monkeypox. He had read about monkeypox, however, and it worried him.
Most New Yorkers did not have the virus on their radar at the start of the summer. But Mr. Anda remembers the AIDS crisis; he is H.I.V. positive. And as a sex worker, he said, he tries to be “more informed and more of an advocate” when it comes to sexual health.
When a second strange pimple appeared on the palm of his hand, he started “freaking out.”
Mr. Anda does not have health insurance, so he called the man who used to be his doctor, Demetre Daskalakis, a former New York City health official with a long history of activism in the L.G.B.T.Q. community who now works for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (On Aug. 2, President Biden appointed him to help lead the national monkeypox response.)
Dr. Daskalakis “was trying to console me and assure me that everything was going to be fine,” Mr. Anda said.
The doctor urged him to contact his primary care provider, who told Mr. Anda to call the Department of Health, who told him to go to the emergency room, and then, when Mr. Anda pushed back, suggested a local clinic.
When he arrived there, he found doctors and nurses waiting for him in full protective equipment, as if he had the plague. Some seemed scared, and all were “a little baffled,” he said. The medical staff stood in the doorway to speak to him from a distance. “They were in hazmat suits. It just felt very sci-fi.”
Later, staff members told him he was the first person they tested for monkeypox. Some were caring, but others looked at him, he said, “like I could kill them.”
Mr. Anda went home to Hell’s Kitchen, where he waited eight days for his test results. He found friends to babysit his dog during the month he spent in quarantine, out of fear he might infect his pet. New lesions appeared on his face on his 42nd birthday, and their extreme itchiness kept him awake for two days. The lesions left his face “ravaged,” he said.
Two decades ago, Mr. Anda was addicted to meth, had AIDS and was hospitalized for a month with pneumonia. He has been sober and had an undetectable H.I.V. viral load since then, but monkeypox triggered painful memories.
“Being scared, not knowing what was going on,” Mr. Anda said. “All the talking to doctors, and them not knowing what to do. It made me scared for me. It made me scared for my community.”

Saturday night in the E.R.
Taylor Minnis
Taylor Minnis, 32, thought his monkeypox was getting better, right up until the moment he was admitted to the hospital.
Mr. Minnis had been sick for two weeks, isolated at home in the East Village with exhaustion, flulike symptoms and lesions that spread “like wildfire” across his body. One day, he woke up in intense pain, with purple swelling above his genitals that spread toward his leg. He bundled up to cover the lesions and went to the emergency room.
“Out of nowhere it was extremely infected,” he said, referring to the lesions.
Instead of a quick visit, the doctors gave him a CT scan, OxyContin for the pain and bag after bag of intravenous antibiotics.
“Saturday night in New York City in the emergency room — I’d rather be at the D.M.V.,” he said.
Monkeypox patients can be hospitalized for a range of complications, usually related to lesions or swelling in the throat or rectum that can make it difficult to eat, drink or go to the bathroom.
But Mr. Minnis was stricken by a complication — a skin infection — that doctors said can sometimes happen in monkeypox cases.
When he first became ill, Mr. Minnis’s doctor said he wasn’t sick enough to justify giving him Tpoxx, the antiviral medicine. But two weeks later Mr. Minnis did some searching online and realized his doctor was wrong: He was eligible for Tpoxx because he had psoriasis, a skin condition that put him at risk for more severe complications.
The discovery upset him — it felt like part of a larger pattern of medical authorities fumbling their response to the outbreak. “I honestly feel like my own doctor,” he said. “They just left this all on us, to figure out what to do.”
At the hospital, doctors said he qualified for a Tpoxx study being conducted at NYU Langone Medical Center.
The medicine helped, but Mr. Minnis was in the hospital for three days. “New lesions are still popping up here and there,” he said, interviewed from his hospital bed.

Warning the ballroom scene
Dominic Faison
Dominic Faison, 35, is the father of the House of Ebony’s New York chapter, his group, or family, in the city’s competitive ballroom scene — a mostly Black and Latino L.G.B.T.Q. subculture of dance and fashion that has become more widely known in recent years through television shows like “Pose” and “Legendary.”
Mr. Faison, who is known in the scene as Dominic Ebony, had competed at a ball on June 25. Balls are busy places, with lots of close contact. “There’s a lot of hugging,” he said, adding: “A lot of us like to put our arms around each other’s necks while we are talking.” But he hadn’t had sex for more than a month before his symptoms began.
So, when the first bump appeared on Mr. Faison’s right temple, he scratched it, thinking it was a pimple, or maybe an allergic reaction to his new soap.
Then a second bump appeared, on the side of his penis. He also felt nauseated and feverish, so he called Callen-Lorde, his sexual health clinic. On July 7, a doctor there swabbed his lesions for monkeypox.
On July 11, he went to a local emergency room as his rash got worse. The staff there tested him again and sent him home. The original test finally came back that night; he was positive. Callen-Lorde then helped him sign up for Tpoxx, which he qualified for since he is H.I.V. positive. On July 14, a delivery service dropped the drug off on his doorstep.
Mr. Faison spent two weeks in his room with the blinds closed, to avoid being seen. He said he felt like he had “chickenpox and the flu at the same time.” The mental toll of isolation, and seeing the ugly lesions on his body, he said, was as hard as the physical toll. His partner, who cared for him, also eventually got infected.
The Tpoxx helped dry out his sores, and he took Benadryl to help with the itch. About three weeks after he got sick, he returned to his job at Boom Health in the Bronx, where he helps people get treatment for H.I.V./AIDS and hepatitis C. He said he was just glad to have gotten through it.
Mr. Faison was one of the first in the ballroom scene to be public about his illness on Facebook. He said he found it frustrating that more people aren’t heeding his warnings and limiting their contact with others. The rash can be so subtle, he said, that sometimes people don’t even know they have it.
“We can’t save everyone,” Mr. Faison said. “But if we can save the majority, or at least one, it is a step.”

His doctor misdiagnosed him
Brian Rice
Aware of the growing risk of monkeypox for gay men, Brian Rice received his first dose of the monkeypox vaccine on July 13. Eight days later, he found a lesion near his genitals.
When Mr. Rice, 43, went to his dermatologist that day for an annual cancer screening, he asked the doctor to take a look. The doctor peered at his sore through a magnifying glass, then gave Mr. Rice the all-clear. “He said, ‘No big deal, give it a couple of days, it should go away,’” said Mr. Rice, who is an H.I.V.-positive cancer survivor.
But it did not go away. Instead, the lesion grew. By Monday, July 25, new symptoms had begun: pain, itchiness and swelling of his penis, as well as discharge.
He made an appointment with his primary care provider.
“The nurse practitioner looked at the lesion and said, ‘That looks like a classic monkeypox lesion,’” said Mr. Rice. Medical staff swabbed it and sent the sample off for testing, but because Mr. Rice’s H.I.V. status put him in a high risk category, he was told to start taking Tpoxx right away.
“I was petrified,” he said.
When Mr. Rice got home, he moved his stuff into the guest room of the home he shares with his husband, Jason, in Cliffside Park, N.J. He began using the guest bathroom and set aside kitchen towels for his own use. And he kept his dog at arm’s length, to the animal’s dismay and confusion.
At first, the genital pain increased, making it harder to sleep, but the medicine soon had a dramatic effect. The pain and swelling eased, and his anxiety waned.
He allowed the dog to lick his face again, but just his ear.
Within a week, the monkeypox had almost totally cleared. The vaccine may have helped, he said, but the key was being prescribed Tpoxx right away.
“If I waited,” he said, “this would have gone very, very differently for me.”

Creating a Zoom community
Jeffrey Galaise
Every day at 6 p.m., Jeffrey Galaise turned on his webcam and started a Zoom call that had grown from a nightly check-in with a few sick friends into an online support group for dozens of people with monkeypox.
Mr. Galaise had never met most of them. The call drew people from across the country (including one man from Poland) who had few resources, little social support and no idea what the future held. But they all needed someone to talk to.
“I have story after story after story of people coming to me because they didn’t know where else to go,” said Mr. Galaise, who works for the New York City Department of Education.
Some participants talked about the loneliness of quarantine. Others described homophobic experiences they had seeking help from doctors. Many were worried about telling their bosses, co-workers or others in their lives about why they had been out sick. Some kept their cameras off; others refused to tell anyone their names.
“I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve cried,” Mr. Galaise said. “The gravity of this is so complex. It’s more than just like, you know, covering itself up with a Band-Aid or, you know, getting through the day.”
The nightly call was inspired by a popular gay doctor on social media who took the time to chat with Mr. Galaise when his own monkeypox symptoms began. And it was one of several rituals that occupied his days in quarantine.
He began each morning by doing a thorough count of his lesions in the bathtub. At one point he had 65.
“My routine was basically I would fill the bathtub, try to go to the bathroom, cry, scream on the ground, then I would jump right into the bath because I was so unbelievably itchy and in so much pain from trying to go to the bathroom,” Mr. Galaise said.
After the bath, another routine began. Because he lives with a roommate, he would spend 30 minutes disinfecting the bathroom every time he used it, even with a 102-degree fever.
“I would wipe everything down with the sanitizer, bleach everything, and then as I was leaving I would spray Lysol all over everything,” he said.
Monkeypox shrunk Mr. Galaise’s world down to his bedroom in Hell’s Kitchen and that bleach-fumed bathroom.
“The only reason I made it through the day was because I was talking to other people that were going through the same experience that I was,” he said. “Because one other sick person took their time to talk to me and I took my time to talk to them.”

Doctor’s orders: Eat bacon
Joshua Moran
Joshua Moran’s prescription for Tpoxx came with surprising instructions: Take it with a meal of at least 600 calories and 25 grams of fat. (The fat helps the medication’s effectiveness.)
“This is the only time a doctor will tell me to eat this poorly,” he recalled thinking. He cooked four strips of bacon and downed two Eggo waffles with extra butter and syrup.
That feast was the high point in what had been a profound period of seclusion during quarantine.
Though Mr. Moran finally got a vaccine on July 24, he took to his bed later that same afternoon, feeling hot and faint. Around that time, he noticed a small patch of irritated skin on his penis, and booked an appointment at Callen-Lorde. His doctor initially thought it was syphilis, but testing revealed it was a monkeypox lesion.
Mr. Moran tried to keep his dog, a Chihuahua, at a distance. “He’s been a little sad,” he said. Mr. Moran turned 30 in early August, and had to celebrate over FaceTime with friends, with a slice of confetti cake with buttercream icing from Magnolia Bakery.
As the days passed, he began to worry about how much sick time he would need to take from his job as an assistant store manager at a Starbucks on the Upper West Side. When he returned to work, he decided to tell his colleagues about his illness; he had been away so long, it felt weird not to.
“Everyone was good about it,” he said. “No one was weird.”
There was an unpleasant moment at work the following week, however. A customer overheard him telling a colleague about his recent bout with monkeypox, and asked why he was allowed to come to work. “It was clarified to them that I was cleared to come back,” Mr. Moran said.
“I’ve been bullied my whole life,” he added. The encounter left him momentarily upset, but he let it go: “Some people are ignorant.”

‘I don’t want to infect others’
Oscar Diaz
Oscar Diaz, a 30-year-old consultant and artist, stopped by a CVS on July 16 to pick up medicine for a sick friend. The friend had tested negative for Covid-19, and the virus seemed to be run-of-the-mill. The two shared a meal — “Chicken noodle soup for you,” Mx. Diaz recalled saying — and a hug.
It was the sort of gesture Mx. Diaz, who is queer, transgender and nonbinary and who uses they/them pronouns, was determined to bring back with the Covid pandemic waning. But shortly after the visit, the friend developed a lesion on his knuckle and tested positive for monkeypox.
For weeks, Mx. Diaz had been trying to get vaccinated against monkeypox, but because of widespread shortages, they’d had little success. “It was very inaccessible,” Mx. Diaz said.
They were anxious for their own health after their friend’s positive test, but also at the possibility that they had unwittingly exposed their roommates in Brooklyn to the virus. Mx. Diaz spent hours calling clinics and refreshing the city’s online monkeypox vaccine finder. On July 22, they finally snagged an appointment.
The day after the appointment, they woke up with a fever, swollen lymph nodes and what appeared to be an ingrown hair near their groin. The spot became a lesion, but the fever broke. Mx. Diaz wore a mask and carried a Lysol can whenever they ventured into the common areas of their home. They called everyone they’d come into contact with in the previous few weeks to let them know they may have been exposed to monkeypox.
More than two weeks after Mx. Diaz’s first symptoms, their doctor gave them the green light to re-enter society. Mx. Diaz usually drops off their laundry, but plans to do the next few loads themselves, fearing the clothes could be infectious. “I don’t want to infect others,” Mx. Diaz said. “I want to make sure it’s done on high heat.”
Around the time Mx. Diaz’s quarantine ended, they got a call from a government contact tracer planning to reach out to their contacts. “You don’t have to do this work, because I already did it,” Mx. Diaz responded.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Liam Stack is a religion correspondent on the Metro desk, covering New York, New Jersey and Connecticut. He was previously a political reporter based in New York and a Middle East correspondent based in Cairo. @liamstack
Joseph Goldstein covers health care in New York, following years of criminal justice and police reporting for the Metro desk. He also spent a year reporting on Afghanistan from The Times’s Kabul bureau.  @JoeKGoldstein
Sharon Otterman covers health care and the pandemic for the Metro desk. A reporter at The Times since 2008, she has also covered religion and education, and won a Polk Award for Justice Reporting for her role in exposing a pattern of wrongful convictions in Brooklyn. @sharonNYT

Your comment is wrong. There’s over 80 full length massage videos on there. 

In quote to the 2 together: I think the possibilities are there. It can and does happen. I had a client the other day recently tell me he was once in a “legacy” relationship. If that can work, then so can probably a client/escort arrangement.
I understand it shouldn’t be the goal to develop a traditional/conventional relationship going into things. But, I feel if there’s a connection that exists, why not. Even if it goes from hiring to friends with benefits to full on relationship. Maybe the situation can transition from a paid to a non-transactional arrangement. However: I feel the escort should have the initiation in doing that, not the client (because every escort knows the worst offer is a guy who alludes that he wants the service, but doesn’t FEEL a need to pay for it).
 
I actually think there’s nothing wrong with being open to love and romance on the platforms. RentMen is a very “fluid” website. It’s bad in some ways, but in other ways: there’s no “rules” or “guidelines”. Hell, without rates you could make it a free thing (but which is also why I started charging consultation fees/deposits to engage, because I feel people have treated RentMen TOO MUCH like a chat line, versus an actual escort service: which is technically not even a word broadcast on the site).
But point is, you want to date, date. There’s really nothing in the water to prevent romance from taking place, any less than using some crappy hookup app where most the users are ghosters or in open relationships. I have actually made good friends, clients and FWBs from RentMen. You may not get to “fall in love”, but you can appreciate a situation for what it is. Is the chemistry is mutual and there’s a desire to transition: by all means.
At the end of the day, I think most will just appreciate having a reliable regular. If business falls out the equation, that may feel like a bad move. 
 

Exactly.
I have never hired a masseur for sex.
but
I've certainly had sex with a masseur.
You want a guarantee ? Hire a sex worker.

Pass on Antonio Robert.
Hunknextdoor, great top who's a great kisser.
XXJoshua if you are only into muscle worship.
Haven't been with any of the others.  Nickkross is on my wishlist but is out of town for the next month.
Been looking at Sexyzak too.
TravisConnorX doesn't host if that's an issue.
Good luck and please update with who you saw and how it went.

I’m pretty sure the 144 cases that identify as “straight” all have ads on Rentmen. 

Oh yes I agree. They should be clear about what’s included in the price. I don’t think doing ‘in massage’ upsells creates the right atmosphere. I always agree everything that’s to be included in the massage with my clients beforehand and never do upsells during the massage unless they want to extend the time. Primarily I’m doing a massage service, it’s got to be a great massage. But also include all the things you’d expect from a sensual massage (that can vary though between masseurs) so including tonsil massage, h/e, nudity, touching me etc. If it’s clear they want more of an escort type session then that’s a different discussion and a different rate. 

Well.
For starters a masseur is not the same as an escort.
So you're already making some broad assumptions about top/ bottom roles even being part of the conversation about a massage .
Now ..of course there are crossover providers .but you technically shouldn't be discussing anal sex positions with a masseur on a massage site.
Personally I really enjoy massage and I enjoy handsome men. I have had plenty of sexual encounters with pros, but I hired them as masseurs and anything beyond that was outside what I paid for a massage...and was discussed IN PRIVATE.
If you want to discuss sex
I suggest you use RENT.MEN not RENTMASSEUR
 

Has happened to me a few times and is awkward. Not because I’m embarrassed; most of my friends know what I do and I’m quite open about it in my social groups, so on the few occasions clients have recognised me I’ve not been anxious about what they might say.
The awkwardness comes from me not recognising them as a client in a different setting. Obviously I know my regulars but the occasional client or once off I wouldn’t remember their face if approached at a pub or on the street.
A few occasions guys have smiled or acknowledged me and I’ve really not known who the hell they are. I kind of recognise the face but struggle to say where from? Is it that guy at the gym? Or some former work associate? Or is it the massage client who likes his prostate worked over? Awkward… I just smile back and pretend I know them while desperately hoping they’ll give me a clue if conversation starts:
Him “hi! how are you?”
Me “oh hi, good thanks how’s you?”
Him “good session last time”
Me (thinking ah yes it’s prostate guy) “yes I’m glad you enjoyed it”
Him “er…yes I needed it”
Me (it’s definitely prostate guy) “absolutely, I was impressed how you shot your load  so far when I gave your prostate a press!”
Him (looking suddenly confused) “what?”
Me (oh fuck, it’s the guy from the gym) “er I said I was impressed by the load on the bar as you lay prostrate on the bench press”
Him (looking at me like I’m a weirdo) “yeah mate, see you around”
Me (dying inside) “yeah, see you”
Can’t visit that gym anymore…

 

Almost two years later, I'd amend my previous post to read as follows (prices are for NYC and might be lower in some metro areas):
My impression is:
1. A minority of MF advertisers are therapeutic only.  Most of these are priced in the $140-160 range and many perhaps even most are certified/licensed.
2. A majority of MF advertisers are OK with MT and provide HE, occasionally more, possibly depending on attraction or on how many sessions you've had together.   Some of these require an upsell for some or all services beyond therapeutic with pants on.  At most, probably less than, half of these are certified.  Some of the uncertified are nonetheless pretty decent masseurs; some are not.
3. A minority of MF advertisers, usually indicated by a higher price, are more of an escort than a masseur.  I'd be surprised if any of these are certified; many are completely untrained and basically stroke or lightly knead your back and butt for a few minutes before getting down to other business.  The best of them as masseurs are self-taught to, at best, an amateurish level.  Some of the higher priced masseurs, however, do not offer full service but can charge what they do simply because they're hot and, with upsells, you'll end up paying escort prices for a good massage but less than full service or, if you don't pay the upsells, you'll end up paying $200 or more for a mediocre massage and frustration or, at best, a DIY HE.  Some lay out the upsells ahead of time; many do not but wait until you're on the table/bed.
4. Some of #2 and most of #3 are on RM as well as MF.  Almost nobody from #1 is on RM.
5. Almost all RM advertisers go beyond therapeutic.  As with those on MF, for at least some an upsell is involved, especially if the base price is in the $150-180 range.
6. Many RM advertisers are more of an escort than a masseur, as described in #3, especially if the price is $200 or more.
7.  Some, maybe half or more, of #3/#6 are on Rentmen as well as RM.
8.  There are advertisers on Rentmen that appear to be offering only massage.  They are mostly #3/#6 but some might fit better into #2/#5.

I prefer a tongue on my taint, but a knuckle is fine 😉

I was on a beach in Mykonos. I’d gone there for a week’s break with a friend (who actually is a former client lol). Anyway we were walking along the beach to find some available sun beds in the gay section of the beach. I had tiny pink Aussiebums on at that point.
We find some nice beds in a convenient location to watch and be seen lol. So I lay back and check my phone for messages (I really shouldn’t take it to the beach but am sort of addicted…). There’s a WhatsApp message from a client. I’m guessing he wants to book…so I open it and it says “did I just see you walk past on Elia beach?”.  It’s from a guy I visited as an outcall about a year previously. He must have recognised me. Fortunately I remembered him (as it was an unusual visit to his house, I don’t do many outcalls). I replied “yes it’s me!, come over and say hello”. Apparently he’s with his partner just a few beds away from us. I’m open about what I do and the guy I was with knows obviously given he used to hire me but I wasn’t sure if my clients partner knew he’d hired me. He replies suggesting we meet at the waters edge as he’s going in the sea so I removed the Aussiebums (it’s naked optional) and went down to say hello. Turns out his partner does know so on the way back up after swimming I say hi to his partner too. It was a lovely encounter and I’m glad my client felt comfortable to say hello to me.
Amazing that you can be hundreds of miles away from your work area and come across clients randomly, although I guess as it’s a gay beach on Mykonos that does narrow down the odds lol. 

As others have said here, just be straight forward.  Don't sugarcoat it.
Alpha-beta play, findom, worship and verbal are the kinds of things you need to spell out for a guy.  A good escort doesn't need the script, but he also probably wouldn't mind knowing where your line in the sand is.
... And if you want that line pushed way fucking forward 👍

I prefer a tongue on my taint, but a knuckle is fine 😉

Just ask. They’ve heard it all before. Honestly they’ll prefer to know exactly what you’re into. It saves all the guess work during the session. And use your own words, describe it in the best way you can, especially the details. It’s the details that are important. 
I have a massage client who likes me sucking his toes, but it has to be done when he’s on his back so he can see, and I need to make eye contact. Toe sucking in any other way doesn’t do it for him. I only hit on this by chance because he was too embarrassed to ask me since he thought it was a silly thing to be turned on by. It’s definitely not silly, it’s just normal and everyone has these kind of things that get them going. So tell your guy and they’ll be delighted that you felt confident and comfortable enough to ask. If they aren’t comfortable doing it (unlikely) then you can find someone else. 

"If you're coming to me directly from the gym, please don't shower.  The smell of a muscle man after he works out really turns me on".
 

I find the best way to get what you want is to ask directly without hesitation.  "Hey, when we get together I love a sweaty man smelling man with a clean edible ass. And while we are together, I like verbal degradation.  I do not mind being called a faggot or a cocksucker or a pussy boy and a low life scum sucking piece of shit.  The fouler the better.  Can you do that?"
Some may opt out but I am sure there are plenty of guys who could call you things you can't imagine while their manly sweaty body dominates you/.   
Ask and you shall receive.  

I’m strictly bottom but I like to eat a clean muscle ass.  Other than that, the armpits/ balls could be so ripe there’s visible steam coming off them LOL. I love to bury my face in the smell of a man’s testosterone and worship it.  I would obviously bathe as requested.
In addition I just like the way a man smells all over like the neck, behind the ears, the chest, etc.  This fetish is extremely important to me, how could I ask for it?  Like day or day and a half with no bath? (Even 2 days?)
I also like to be degraded, verbally humiliated while I am sniffing a guy.  To me that makes sense because only a f@gg@t would want to sniff balls.  So telling me what a f@gg@t I am seems the natural next step.
I don’t have much experience with escorts. Only done it a couple of times.  But both times, even though the sex was hot, I went away feeling like I didn’t get my actual fantasy.  I’m not bad looking and pretty fit so I can find sex.  But if I am going to pay for it, then I want a certain experience. I just don’t know how to have the conversation.  Both of the escorts I tried in the past said in the profiles they were into domination, so I didn’t feel like my requests were far fetched. 
 

I also wanted to mention this, because this is important yet has a lot of variables.
Some guys out here travel often, and I remember a time where I used to be confident enough to do it without any deposits. However, the way things are nowadays and having had enough “no shows” (which can be prolific in some cities moreso than others) I don’t like working without them.
However, often times a client will say, “oh well don’t come all the way out here just for me” when asked for a deposit. Or they’ll say, “just let me know when you’re in the area”. As if, I’m supposed to just show up to another city for no reason at all.
Some of these guys are so clueless. I wish there was a better understanding: I DO NOT GO TO YOUR CITY EXCEPT FOR APPOINTMENTS. And if I do go for other reasons, I like to still center around bookings.
Like when I went to San Francisco earlier this year: I was meeting friends there, but the MAIN purpose was to tour and make some earnings. So I still collected deposits before and during the time I was there. 
 
It can sometimes be hard like the post I mentioned: outsourcing rent ads. In my case, I stay part time in a basically non-existent market where there’s usually no paying clients except within an hour or THREE hours drive. I still ask for deposits but I know that has probably cut like 50% of  prospective clients. However, when I didn’t ask deposits, I was fronting money and getting stood up. However, who is comfortable with the fact that they are likely missing out on clients because they don’t want to book without a deposit? It’s a double edged sword.   
 
 
How do you address that? I know in your case: it sounds like you’re in a comfortable position to be in a big enough city and not have to do much outside travel. So, it bares mentioning that not all rules can apply to every circumstance. 

Slater hit the high points.  Pay attention to everything he posted.
I'll only offer one piece of advice that's served me well:  
You can't be everything to everyone and you don't want to be.  Learn who you are as an escort and what you offer best.
Also, the power of saying 'no' to people is an incredible thing.  Don't be afraid to use it.

I've posted this before:
Buy a sling.  Not every client has to use it, but some will love it, and book you because of it. Rubber sheets are a provider's friend. Install a shower douche.  Again, some clients will book you simply because you provide that. Learn at least a few basic massage techniques. You can save a ton of money by buying the gallon jug o' lube and decanting into smaller bottles. Offer them a damn shower afterwards.  Duh. Don't bother with blocked phone calls. Seriously. He's a time waster. Same for texts that come through from an email address.
  Hear a voice on the phone before heading over or giving your address. Subsequent booking can be made via text.
  It's not a bad idea to call the hotel and get patched through to the room before heading over, especially if something strikes you as 'off'. The likelihood of a future booking actually happening is inversely proportional to the number of texts, calls and emails beforehand.
  Keep note of the numbers that flake on you, for they'll do it again in six months. And that same guy has done it to me, and every other escort. Be leery of drunk. They often pass out before you get there, or after.
  He may be having a great time and want to extend the session. Mazel tov. But he may be thinking with his little head and not have the funds. Settle up occasionally.
  Every client starts as a first timer. But first timers also often lose their nerve, and you lose your time and effort. Don't front the money for a first time session (hotel, travel, etc.) and rarely for repeat sessions.
  Don't drive two hours without a deposit (e.g. Venmo or Amazon e-gift card). Key words that indicate this is going nowhere: Engineer, Nigeria, "your city".
  Don't discount your first session because he's going to see you weekly. Future sessions may be negotiable, initial bookings are always full fare. Make some friends in the biz. They've seen it all before and can offer guidance.
  Trust your gut. A few bucks isn't worth your health, safety, or freedom. Most guys you'll meet will be wonderful and pleasant. Some will be odd ducks, and even that can be fun or at least entertaining. A few are bad eggs, but those guys are extremely prolific in wasting your time.
Kevin Slater

I’d want to hear from the other provider’s side, especially considering you said “back to back” nights. Maybe you weren’t giving enough notice and were expecting a miracle.
I had someone like that today: They waited all day and into the night to confirm and get ready to send the deposit. When he finally was ready to do so, I was not going to arrive on the time requested. I can’t be on time, unless someone follows instructions on time. When I said what time I could arrive, he didn’t want to go that late.
It’s like hello, I said multiple times that I needed to have everything arranged by a certain time. People want on time but they wait late to confirm.

Last week on a business trip, I had back to back nights 
where the providers texted exactly at the time we were 
to meet, to inform me they were "running an hour or two"
late. 
I politely informed them both that that didn’t work for me.
Then I went to the bar, enjoyed champagne and oysters,
and generously tipped the flirty bartender with the money
they lost. 
Never let inconsiderate assholes get you down.