LivingnLA

I'm not sure why @BostonTom is so hostile toward the victim of sexual assault / rape. What motivates that hostility? The belittling name-calling is an attempt to distract/divert attention from the fundamental issues of the thread. Human behavior is complex but the science is pretty clear on a couple points: a good massages relaxes a person physically & mentally. That's the whole point and would slow response times. Further, human beings generally "freeze" or "respond slowly" to unexpected/surprising situations/stimuli. Why do you think the military spends so much effort training people to respond in highly specific ways to unexpected/dangerous situations? They have to overcome basic human responses. The OP's explanation clearly describes an interaction with a man who pushed boundaries from the start. Could the OP have been more forceful or careful? Yes, but the criminal activity was initiated and perpetrated by the male "expert" who ran the scene. Has the OP hopefully learned important lessons about personal safety? Hopefully, yes! But, again, that in no way excuses or transfers guilt or blame. The man committed multiple acts of sexual assault and also likely rape. A human being's body is their own. Kissing without permission is sexual harassment. Penetration without permission is sexual assault. Sexual activity without consent is rape. Not using condoms without consent is an additional violation. We as a society will never overcome toxic masculinity and the rampant sexual harassment and assault that occurs every day around the world until we recognize the fundamental truth that a human being's body is their own and does not belong to anyone else. Wrong again, @BostonTom, what the OP described is at a minimum sexual assault and very likely also rape. https://definitions.uslegal.com/r/rape/ https://criminal.findlaw.com/criminal-charges/rape.html

Sounds like a typical corporate "solution" to a problem, creating whole new problems and more profit.

Direct-acting antiviral (DAA) therapy with PPIs (Proton Pump Inhibitors) seems to have much better outcomes for treating chronic HCV (Hepatitis C Virus). http://www.xiahepublishing.com/ArticleFullText.aspx?sid=2&jid=1&id=10.14218%2fJCTH.2017.00017

More victim blaming. Maybe so called "nude massage" providers should respect boundaries and not assault/rape people "because they want it" even though the client never once asked for it. A good massage is very relaxing. People frequently fall asleep during a very good massage. Even if it's nude, that in no way gives the provider permission to penetrate the client in any way with anything without prior clear consent. Any provider who violates a client in that way is committing at least sexual assault and possibly rape.

Nah. No offense taken. I thought it was cute, but just a misrepresentation of our position. One of the funniest experiences earlier this Summer was when we were ordering breakfast one morning on a trip and when we told the waitress, "no straws" as we were ordering drinks, she smiled and asked, "where in California are you from?" We all had a good laugh.

@rainyday, I'm sorry this situation happened. I hope you have someone you can speak with about it or some way to express your thoughts and feelings about it. Don't bottle it up and don't be too hard on yourself. You trusted this guy and he went way too far. To all of you who complain rainy should've just "said no" or "stopped it," please stop. It sounds and feels like victim blaming and shaming. Rainy just had an incredible massage from someone he thought he could trust. He was fully relaxed and had "massage brain." It's completely likely he was mentally "slowed" enough to not be fully engaged and he was also in a very vulnerable position with someone who was "in control" and possibly bigger and stronger. The masseur raped him. Period. Unless there was prior conversation about being topped and Rainy expressed consent, then the masseur raped him. There's no gray area here. The masseur failed in the most fundamental professional way: he assumed he knew what the client wanted and didn't confirm with the client before proceeding. There are many ways to easily & sexily gain consent. The masseur failed to communicate and also engaged in activity that was unsafe and dangerous. That's a clear violation of the power dynamic of the interaction. Rainy, I hope you continue to be completely clean of all STDs and STIs. Given your prior comments, I'm sure you know the testing schedules and when "all clear signs" will happen for the potential infectious agents. Lastly, as some of you may recall, I was drugged and essentially raped during my very first escort hiring experience. I had expressly said no to all drugs and insisted on condoms for safety while also clearly communicating that I was nervous and needed a slow and careful experience. The escort slipped a drug into my beer that resulted in my blacking out for 7 hours, during which time he fucked me at least once. I have no memories from the blacked out time and only know I was fucked because there was blood and pain when I regained consciousness. I bring all of this up, only to say, @rainyday, if you want someone to talk to that may have a similar cluster of thoughts and feelings, then please know you're welcome to privately message me.

Cute, but a misinterpretation of my post. We didn't just remove straws from our lives, we do our best to eliminate all single-use plastics. We know it's a proverbial drop-in-the-bucket, but if everyone started demanding the elimination of single-use plastic, things might start to change in our economy.

His escort ad is on an agency site that caters to women. I have no idea if he currently escorts for or has ever escorted for men.

Please also remember that the USA has a massive public health crisis because of the opioid epidemic, there are a growing population of drug addicts who are also HIV positive and they have no clue because they've never been tested. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/01/14/577713525/mapping-how-the-opioid-epidemic-sparked-an-hiv-outbreak

Oh, it's likely that PrEP availability plays a role in lower condom use. This significant decline in condom use leads to increases in every other STI. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jun/06/rapid-rise-in-anti-hiv-prep-pills-linked-to-drop-in-condom-use But, it's more than just PrEP. People don't fear HIV anymore. They think it's totally fine to live with it and "there'll be a cure soon anyway" so who cares? We've seen this attitude for over a decade now. Younger people in North America and Europe--the areas where other STIs are skyrocketing--think HIV is no big deal so don't use condoms. https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/hiv-rise-being-man-enough-to-stay-safe-1.1441217 Florida in particular is very dangerous right now for new HIV infections. Miami is an incredibly risky area to have anal, oral, or vaginal sex with strangers without condoms. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/why-miami-is-the-epicenter-of-new-hiv-cases-in-the-u-s Plus, people continue to stupidly believe oral sex is safe sex, when it's an incredibly easy way to catch every STI except HIV. There's no such thing as safe sex! Only degrees of risk and safer sex. https://www.verywellhealth.com/is-oral-sex-safe-sex-3133091

Ayurveda is one of the ancient "schools of thought" around health/medicine. It's from India. Like TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine), it is a comprehensive holistic approach to "living well" as a way to minimize/reduce illness, injury, etc. It includes nutrition advice, bodywork practices, mental exercises, and more. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayurveda Ayurvedic massage uses oils as carriers to deliver various herbs and other ingredients to address your vikruti (imbalance). It is a very intensely relaxing massage style for many people because of the heat and flow of the massage strokes. Here's a blog post that does a good job of describing an ayurvedic massage session: http://www.akashaayurveda.com/blog/2015/11/1/what-to-expect-during-an-ayurvedic-massage-therapy-session-

If you did get bacillary dysentery from picking up shigella by rimming or ATM (Ass To Mouth) cocksucking and you're a healthy person, your doctor will probably just let it run its course and tell you to stay very well hydrated. But, it could be something else, so it's good that you're going to the doctor, @Wolfer.

https://foreignpolicy.com/2018/07/25/welcome-to-the-next-deadly-aids-pandemic/ The 22nd International AIDS Conference was on July 25th in Amsterdam and the reports coming out should give us all something to think about. Thanks to the flawed global strategy using tier 1 drugs to control the spread of HIV, we now have treatment-resistant strains spreading very quickly in certain parts of the world. These resistant strains are becoming a sizable percent of all new infections in LIMICs (Low Income Middle Income Countries), like much of Africa, Latin America, and the Caribbean. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/laninf/article/PIIS1473-3099(17)30702-8/fulltext Infection rates for syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, and various forms of hepatitis are "skyrocketing," especially in young men who have sex with men in Europe and North America. And to make things even more challenging, there is now an effectively incurable form of gonorrhea spreading in Australia and the UK. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/syphilis-rise-sexual-health-crisis-nhs-government-cuts-warning-a8383901.html https://www.thelancet.com/journals/laninf/article/PIIS1473-3099(18)30225-1/fulltext https://www.economist.com/united-states/2018/06/14/why-stds-are-soaring-in-america https://www.thelancet.com/journals/laninf/article/PIIS1473-3099(18)30276-7/fulltext https://ecdc.europa.eu/en/publications-data/rapid-risk-assessment-extensively-drug-resistant-xdr-neisseria-gonorrhoeae-united There is no such thing as 100% safe sex. All we can do is have safer sex. It's a question of risk factors and what each of us is willing to live with based on our choices. 1. Get informed. 2. Get tested (regularly, at least annually and every 3 or 6 months is better depending on your sexual activity). 3. Recognize that Men who have Sex with Men (MSM) are a high-risk category for infection & transmission. 4. Understand that socioeconomic, racial, and geographic risk factors exist. Know how risky your partners may be so you can assess your decisions/choices/risks. 5. Understand your options. (Condoms are still the best tool for reducing risk of transmission during anal, oral, & vaginal sex). 6. Know about the vaccines (HPV, Hep A/B, and Meningitis) and decide which ones make sense for you. 7. Know about PrEP, it's pluses and minuses, and the reality that resistant strains exist, though these strains are currently a small percent of the infected population. (That will change.)

He seems completely legit. I'm very tempted. It's hard to find guys as tall as him and green eyes are always attractive to me. I'll probably give him a call one day sooner than later. His full escort rate is $300/hr or at least it was awhile ago, so I would say his rate is to be expected for a high-quality "product" like what he offers.

That's an intriguing way to look at it. Thanks for sharing.

Wells said @Golem. Being authentic to ourselves is an important step toward self-acceptance and self-love. Happiness like all emotions is transitory. Trying to "force it" or even trying to always be happy will lead to a whole host of mental and emotional dysfunctions that aren't healthy. Life is change and life is movement. All I was trying to say in prior posts was how important it is to recognize these fundamental truths. When we allow ourselves to become stuck in "it'll always be this way" thinking, we build prisons around our lives that inhibit growth and change.

Ok, so Ms. Smith isn't for you. But after this reply, I feel as though fatalism and hopelessness are foreclosing entire areas of life for you. https://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-ways-stop-overthinking-start-living/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-and-sensibility/201502/overcome-hopelessness-thinking-and-stop-feeling-depressed Happiness is a state of mind. Smiling even when we're sad can improve our mood. Happiness is transitory like all emotions. Life experiences along with our perspective and expectations in life shape our experiences and mood. It's a self-reinforcing cycle. If wishes were fishes, we'd all have a fry. Wishing doesn't make it so. Wishing frequently tends to set up unrealistic expectations which lead to disappointment which leads to negative thinking and reinforcement of hopelessness. I wish my mother hadn't die horribly of cancer when I was young. But dwelling on that is a waste of energy and time that my mother would be pissed about if she knew how much time I wasted over my life on that topic. Instead, I savor the good times with her, the opportunities I had to talk to her, and the lessons she taught me that I try to pass on to everyone I care about. I wish I could sing too. I've even debated taking lessons even though I know I have no "natural talent." For now, I smile and laugh with my family when I "sing" along to songs I love because I know how hilarious I sound. Even the things we wish we could change about ourselves can bring joy and happiness to our life if we let them. Life isn't fair. Some of us have it much rougher than others. I am sorry for your battles. It sounds like you've been through alot. I urge you not to obsess about the past. You cannot change your genetic or environmental factors that led to your health experiences and challenges. BUT, you can absolutely change your attitude and how you think about them if you want to do so. And oh by the way, changing your thinking will impact your health because of the placebo/mind/body interaction that we know is real even as we cannot yet explain how it works. And no, I'm not saying you can completely cure yourself of something with positive thinking, but you can damn well make it more livable and less painful. There are people in the world who are able to love you, but the barriers erected around your heart and mind make it very difficult for them to see all of the beautiful and amazing things about you that deserve to be loved. @Gar1eth, I have never met you. I have only read your words on the forum over the years, which are a poor reflection because they lack so much context. Regardless, I know that I love you. The words I write may be harsh or even wrong, but they come from my deep and unconditional love for you as a fellow human being who is clearly thoughtful, smart, and fighting to live. One day, I hope you are able to look in the mirror and see the beautiful bald smart and thoughtful man I see in your words. I wish you all the best.

If you're in a large metro area with a sizable bi or gay population, that's a pretty smart choice given the substantial increase in chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis in those populations. Men are frequently asymptomatic and all of those also have high-resistant strains in the real world. These infections are no longer just a nuisance. They're a real and serious problem because far too many guys go from one hook-up to another on the various hook-up apps and they frequently don't use condoms for oral, vaginal, or anal sex.

@Gar1eth, thanks for sharing Gman. Your truth is yours and no one can take it away from you or invalidate it for you. Your feelings are completely valid based on the sum total of your life experiences and whatever you're experiencing right now. I wish you strength and compassion for yourself as you navigate life's challenges. I leave with this interesting perspective on life: https://hackspirit.com/happiness-overrated-finding-deep-meaning-life-comes-4-basic-pillars/

@Golem, fair enough.

I refer you to the study paper, but generally, I agree with your POV. It's a very specific set of techniques that seems to help very certain scenarios. It all just depends on what helps. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/274956726_Time_Perspective_Therapy_Transforming_Zimbardo's_Temporal_Theory_into_Clinical_Practice https://psychcentral.com/lib/whats-your-time-perspective/ To badly paraphrase Deepak Chopra, perception is reality. Our point of view shapes our reality and our experience of it. Sometimes, it is just as simple as being more positive. That can have profound and powerful impact on a person's life. https://chopra.com/article/science-miracles-perception-versus-reality

Very true people are not perfect. We're all a mass of issues, experiences, and more. That is very true, that which doesn't want to change, will never change.

I'll second the thumbs up for Arthur. He's expensive and was purely therapeutic for me beyond not being draped. His skills and knowledge were above average and he seemed like a nice guy. https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/29731/

Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis are all easily transmittable via unprotected oral sex. So are Herpes and HPV. There have also been cases of HIV via oral sex, though HIV transmission via oral is difficult. We are seeing an "explosion" in cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis because of the significant increase in people--especially MSM (Men who have Sex with Men)--who have unprotected oral sex and how frequently men are asymptomatic. San Francisco public health officials are now recommending comprehensive testing every 3 months for the MSM community just because of how pervasive these infectious agents are in this demographic. http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/oral-sex-stis/ https://www.cdc.gov/std/healthcomm/stdfact-stdriskandoralsex.htm https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/chlamydia-gonorrhea-syphilis-rates-hit-new-high-in-california/ar-AAxhXzn "According to a recent report, sexually transmitted disease (STD) diagnoses reached record highs in the state of California in 2017. Released by the California Department of Public Health (CDPH), the data revealed a 45 percent increase in cases compared to data from five years ago."

I don't know your life, but it's entirely possible for someone to have experienced one or more traumatizing life-event that results in PTS and develops into PTSD due to the chronic nature of struggling with sexuality, identity, and more in our culture. "'The trauma for gay men is the prolonged nature of it,' says William Elder, a sexual trauma researcher and psychologist. 'If you experience one traumatic event, you have the kind of PTSD that can be resolved in four to six months of therapy. But if you experience years and years of small stressors—little things where you think, Was that because of my sexuality?—that can be even worse.'" ~ https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/gay-loneliness/ Fatalism is deeply corrosive to growth and progress. It's a challenging attitude for talk-therapy to tackle, but we've seen some fascinating progress in PTSD treatments as we recognize how PTSD and the associated anxiety/depression/etc. are not necessarily a "disease" but more akin to an "injury" that needs to be treated from that perspective. Time Perspective Therapy (TPT) seems to be a very promising approach for people tackling PTSD. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-time-cure/201211/your-brain-trauma https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/matter-personality/201303/you-cant-change-the-past-why-talk-about-it http://www.timeperspectivetherapy.org/ http://www.timeperspectivetherapy.org/time-perspectives https://www.researchgate.net/publication/274956726_Time_Perspective_Therapy_Transforming_Zimbardo%27s_Temporal_Theory_into_Clinical_Practice