Companions and future relationships

[+ Reisr30]

Hi,

 

I am single and although I have been for quite sometime (in my 40s now); at some point I suppose I could meet someone and get into a serious relationship or at least that's the hopeful guy in me;). I am also someone who is quite honest and would feel it necessary to be honest about my past meetings with companions. I am curious based on other's experiences if this may negatively impact any new relationship.

[KeepItReal]

Hi,

 

I am single and although I have been for quite sometime (in my 40s now); at some point I suppose I could meet someone and get into a serious relationship or at least that's the hopeful guy in me;). I am also someone who is quite honest and would feel it necessary to be honest about my past meetings with companions. I am curious based on other's experiences if this may negatively impact any new relationship.

In my experience, this is a case where the phrase "less is more" applies. True, I have paid cash for fun in the past. I have also "paid" with expensive dinners and wine, opera tickets and "paid" with my time by reading annoying text messages before dates etc. There has been cases where I paid with cash, dinner and time. If asked about my history, I will gladly share, but I don't see how the fact that I used providers in the past is all that relevant when it is really a small part of my past.

[+ oldNbusted]

If you think you're going to go all The Tell-Tale Heart with your hypothetical paramour, you may as well get it out up front. But I'm pretty much with @KeepItReal although I would like to think a mature person isn't going to grill you about your your past. If someone asked me about my history, I would be like 'how much time ya got? Ya? That's not long enough.' For me, if they didn't have the wits to drop it at that point, we probably won't be a match.

[+ E.T.Bass]

Hi,

 

I am single and although I have been for quite sometime (in my 40s now); at some point I suppose I could meet someone and get into a serious relationship or at least that's the hopeful guy in me;). I am also someone who is quite honest and would feel it necessary to be honest about my past meetings with companions. I am curious based on other's experiences if this may negatively impact any new relationship.

 

If you plan to continue seeing companions while in your future relationship, that kind of honesty I understand. That seems the fair thing to do, to tell your new man that you like to get some on the side, even if it's getting a sensual massage now and then.

 

For your hiring past, I don't get the point of bringing that up. What is the reasoning for that? Why is it you would owe that to some future catch?

[+ Just Sayin]

there are times in our lives when we outsource to meet our needs; I don't know if that requires an explanation or not--I would hope not

[+ oldNbusted]

If you plan to continue seeing companions while in your future relationship, that kind of honesty I understand. That seems the fair thing to do, to tell your new man that you like to get some on the side, even if it's getting a sensual massage now and then.

 

Good point talking about current activities, rather than historical. But is this specific to companions? In my mind, I'm still seeing other people (regardless of arrangement) or I'm not.

[+ bashful]

He (or she) will at some point probably ask about past relationships.

[+ E.T.Bass]

Why would they ask about past relationships? Isn't that a topic that scares away a new boyfriend, dwelling on prior attempts, and why these past fellows are no longer in your life?

[+ bashful]

Why would they ask about past relationships? Isn't that a topic that scares away a new boyfriend, dwelling on prior attempts, and why these past fellows are no longer in your life?

 

In my experience, the questions came well after the "newness" wore off. Like a couple of years.

[+ Reisr30]

Thanks for all the replies. I am relatively new to meeting with companions and also have only really been in one serious relationship. I guess I may be over thinking and shouldn’t worry about it since for all I know I may not even end up in a relationship in the future. Guess I’m too much of a worrier...

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

In the days of grinder hook ups and all, I'm not sure that any partner you have in the future expect that you've been waiting for Mr. Perfect. That being the case, I know that I've hired fewer times than the number of hook-ups some friends have had.

 

So if the discussion comes up about your sexual past, feel comfortable stating that you've had x partners. If asked how you met someone, feel free to use one of the answers I use truthfully: "we met on-line" or "I was feeling lonely and wanted a hook up, and I saw his ad."

[rvwnsd]

...I guess I may be over thinking and shouldn’t worry about it since for all I know I may not even end up in a relationship in the future....

 

I agree that you are over-thinking it. By the time a gay man reaches his 40's it is assumed he is no longer a virgin and has hooked up outside of a committed relationship.Whether those hook-ups were paid for with the time and BS associated with hook-up sites and aps or were paid for with money is really irrelevant.