Objectifying?

[LookingAround]

Great to see you so happy. William can speak for himself but I think he was pointing out in your remark—not so much that you were afraid of losing it but rather your fear that he may be insincere. Very different. Given the SA overlay that’s an obvious concern and I think what people here have alluded to.

[+ WilliamM]

Great to see you so happy. William can speak for himself but I think he was pointing out in your remark—not so much that you were afraid of losing it but rather your fear that he may be insincere. Very different. Given the SA overlay that’s an obvious concern and I think what people here have alluded to.

 

Yes, exactly.

 

And the phone number for his friend in Portugal in case of an emergency is not the same as the phone numbers of his SO's siblings.

 

Now Unicorn is helpless if something happens to his lover when they are not together.

Edited January 5, 2019 by WilliamM

[Guest]

I'm afraid of losing him, but am very aware that he may be insincere. As I've said, I'll be sad if he leaves me (and, as a consequence, am fearful of his leaving me), but if that be the case, I'll be grateful for the time we had together, and fully capable of moving on with my life (though with a sense of sadness).

[Guest]

In case anyone's curious for an update, tomorrow the last day of our cruise. It was pretty fantastic. He just told me "I love you so much; you have no idea!". Only weird thing was once we were waiting around to get on one of our shore excursions, and I was looking at him, and he said "Please stop staring at me!". He didn't seem to like it if I looked at him when we weren't talking, I guess, so I tried to avoid lulls in conversation. I could retire now if I had a dollar every time someone said "I assume this is your son..." or "How's your son doing?", etc. A bit strange since he has a very dark complexion and I'm blue eyed and fair skinned, but I guess they're thinking he's adopted perhaps? We have some romantic photos together in case we decide to get married and BCIS needs evidence our relationship is for real. I'm just wondering, for those of you who have or have had domestic partners or spouses, would you look at him when you weren't talking? I feel such affection for him, it's difficult for me to tear my eyes off of him. In the past, when I've been in relationships, the physical attraction waned over time. But with him, things are different. It seems as if every day I become more attracted to him. And yes, I've told him that I seem to love him more every day...

[LivingnLA]

I'm just wondering, for those of you who have or have had domestic partners or spouses, would you look at him when you weren't talking?

 

Probably most animals around the world are not comfortable being observed without clear intent. If y'all aren't conversing and you're staring at him, he's going to feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, and maybe even harassed or objectified.

 

https://people.howstuffworks.com/why-is-it-rude-to-stare.htm

 

Do I look longingly at my wife sometimes? Yes. And after awhile, she'll say, "what?!" If I reply with something like, "I'm sorry babe, you're stunning and I was struck dumb." She'll laugh, playfully hit me and say I'm full of shit. But, that added twinkle in her eyes makes it all worth it.

 

It's about intent. What are you thinking when you're staring? If you're objectifying, he's going to sense that. Are you hungry? Horny? He's going to sense those too and probably not welcome them in public.

[MscleLovr]

weird thing was once we were waiting around to get on one of our shore excursions, and I was looking at him, and he said "Please stop staring at me!".

I had a dollar every time someone said "I assume this is your son..." or "How's your son doing?", etc.

 

I wonder if these 2 things are connected. Like you @Unicorn I have a much younger lover as my partner. I certainly would not stare at him without speaking, not in private and certainly not in public. To me, it’s just creepy.

 

I’ve had people publicly comment on how well we get on together and some have asked if he’s my son.Generally, if they are strangers, I just smile; but if they are acquaintances or work in places we frequent often, I smile and say “he’s not my son, he’s my partner”.

 

I’ve not had a bad reaction. Of course, it’s easier for me - to the outside world, I’m the lucky man with a handsome same-sex partner - but I have wondered how my partner feels when this occurs. He’s told me it doesn’t bother him and he likes how I handle the enquiries of acquaintances.

 

I did make one exception to ‘no reason to explain to strangers’ policy when we recently travelled by train and seated opposite were 3 mixed-race, handsome young males (aged 14-15). I talked and joked, and suddenly one of the teenagers said he wished he had as great a relationship with his Dad as my son did with me. I then explained we were a gay couple and I was intrigued at how well they reacted (saying Cool and asking a few more questions). They were very nice and smilingly said Goodbye etc when we left the train.

[LookingAround]

Kinda creepy just to be staring at someone.

[+ poolboy48220]

There was a new dancer at the club who was staring at me from the stage while he danced. I get the whole "make eye contact with the customers" thing to try to drum up private dances, and have experienced that in the past, but this particular stare was a bit unnerving.

[gallahadesquire]

There was a new dancer at the club who was staring at me from the stage while he danced. I get the whole "make eye contact with the customers" thing to try to drum up private dances, and have experienced that in the past, but this particular stare was a bit unnerving.

I used to stare at lecturers in college. One even took his cue from me, as to how the class (of 80 or so) was comprehending the material. No wonder I understand Quantum Mrchaics so well.

[+ WilliamM]

I wonder if these 2 things are connected. Like you @Unicorn I have a much younger lover as my partner. I certainly would not stare at him without speaking, not in private and certainly not in public. To me, it’s just creepy.

 

I’ve had people publicly comment on how well we get on together and some have asked if he’s my son.Generally, if they are strangers, I just smile; but if they are acquaintances or work in places we frequent often, I smile and say “he’s not my son, he’s my partner”.

 

I’ve not had a bad reaction. Of course, it’s easier for me - to the outside world, I’m the lucky man with a handsome same-sex partner - but I have wondered how my partner feels when this occurs. He’s told me it doesn’t bother him and he likes how I handle the enquiries of acquaintances.

 

I did make one exception to ‘no reason to explain to strangers’ policy when we recently travelled by train and seated opposite were 3 mixed-race, handsome young males (aged 14-15). I talked and joked, and suddenly one of the teenagers said he wished he had as great a relationship with his Dad as my son did with me. I then explained we were a gay couple and I was intrigued at how well they reacted (saying Cool and asking a few more questions). They were very nice and smilingly said Goodbye etc when we left the train.

 

Good for you

 

Nice to hear from you.

[Guest]

I don't think of it as staring. If I were with my mother or step-mother and there was a lull in the conversation, I would still probably look at her. But maybe I am going a little crazy over him. I'm certainly having feelings I've never felt before. But I'm hearing you guys, and trying to not look at him when we're not talking. Or use my peripheral vision... Even though I'm atheist, I do hope and pray his feelings for me are as he says they are. My own feelings of love for him have grown during this trip, and they were strong before.