Does your family embrace you being gay?

[+ Topseed]

From Gabriel Marquez: “All human beings have three kinds of lives: public, private, and secret.”

 

The columnist Pete Hamill commented on that, with words to the effect that “Private life is by invitation only. Secret life is nobody’s business.”

 

Amen.

[+ Charlie]

Embrace is a strong word.

 

Back in the day far more families refused to acknowledge children with a different orientation, especially those with a strong religious belief.

 

Things have gotten better in some respects. In others, not so much...

"Embrace" is an interesting metaphor. Upon reflection, it occurs to me that a physical embrace between adult members of my spouse's family was a rarely observed occurrence. My mother and I did embrace lightly after long separations, but I never saw my spouse or his brothers physically touch their mother or any other family member. That is probably more of a cultural thing than an emotional one.

[Guest]

I came out to my parents when I was 19, and we never discussed the subject again..... but by the time she came to live with my partner and me after he and I had lived together for 25 years...

 

Wow. You're a bigger man than I think I could be. You came to support her after she'd been ignoring you and been tacitly disapproving of your sexual orientation for decades? I can't even imagine being in that situation. I know that forgiveness is supposed to be good for a person, but I find it very difficult to forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness. So you did this without any sense of resentment whatsoever? I think I'd be seething if someone asked me to help him after thumbing his nose at my for decades. Well, I guess you were the only child and maybe the only one who could help.

[marylander1940]

Young voter asks Elizabeth Warren emotional question about acceptance

 

Very emotional answer that also applies to this thread! I wonder how many of us also think we disappointed others because we didn't take the normal lifestyle?

[+ Charlie]

Wow. You're a bigger man than I think I could be. You came to support her after she'd been ignoring you and been tacitly disapproving of your sexual orientation for decades? I can't even imagine being in that situation. I know that forgiveness is supposed to be good for a person, but I find it very difficult to forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness. So you did this without any sense of resentment whatsoever? I think I'd be seething if someone asked me to help him after thumbing his nose at my for decades. Well, I guess you were the only child and maybe the only one who could help.

I think you are misinterpreting my post. After that first conversation, we never discussed my sexual orientation any more than we discussed hers or anyone else's; my old-fashioned parents were rather prudish about talking about sex. She never expressed disapproval of my orientation or my lifestyle. That she would have preferred me to have been heterosexual is not unusual--how many parents would have chosen for their only child to be gay? Because of that initial coming out to them, they figured that the first man with whom I lived for four years was my partner, and the second one with whom I owned a home was definitely not just a friend. My parents always welcomed my partners and had good relationships with them. When my partner and I persuaded her to come to live with us when she was 89, her main worry was that she would be interrupting our normal lives.

 

I think my parents' behavior, particularly my father's, was conditioned by past experience. My father's favorite cousin, Fred, was quietly gay at a time when such things were never openly discussed, and he had a "friend," Charles. Although they didn't live together (Fred lived with his widowed mother most of his adult life), the family seemed to accept that Fred and Charles were a couple, and usually included Charles in family get-togethers. Nothing was ever said to me about them, but when I was a teenager I put 2+2 together and figured out what was going on, especially at Fred's funeral, when a weeping Charles was consoled by other family members, including my father. I think that became the somewhat outdated model for my parents' response to me.

[+ WilliamM]

Because of that initial coming out to them, they figured that the first man with whom I lived for four years was my partner, and the second one with whom I owned a home was definitely not just a friend. My parents always welcomed my partners and had good relationships with them. When my partner and I persuaded her to come to live with us when she was 89, her main worry was that she would be interrupting our normal lives.

 

When I was trying to sell my mother's house in Massachusetts, I was questioned about by younger brother by her neighbors. He seldom visited, because of placing job before family. The falsely assumed he was gay. I knew then my mother was asked frequently about him. You were lucky to have such a wonderful mother, @Charlie.

[RealAvalon]

I think my parents' behavior, particularly my father's, was conditioned by past experience. My father's favorite cousin, Fred, was quietly gay at a time when such things were never openly discussed, and he had a "friend," Charles. Although they didn't live together (Fred lived with his widowed mother most of his adult life), the family seemed to accept that Fred and Charles were a couple, and usually included Charles in family get-togethers. Nothing was ever said to me about them, but when I was a teenager I put 2+2 together and figured out what was going on, especially at Fred's funeral, when a weeping Charles was consoled by other family members, including my father. I think that became the somewhat outdated model for my parents' response to me.

Whether a person's parents have a person that is gay or lesbian within their own social circle, will definitely affect how they manage to respond to their own child's coming out.

[Walker1]

I think by embrace, I am talking about accepting whole heartedly especially initially. I was raised in a rather conservative family. Nice extended family, nobody was ever lonely! But I didn't grow up with the internet and nobody ever talked about being gay . Life was "fixed"-you grow up, get married, have kids and just continue on. You did things on the side if you didn't get along with your spouse-but as long as you didn't break the facade, nobody cared.

 

I didn't have any models or any formula/manual on what to do with life if you were gay. I realized pretty young that I was attracted to other boys and never girls-though just talked about girls to other guys. It didn't help I was very feminine and was teased. But it wasn't that bad-kids who were fat or other unfortuante issues were ripped on far harder. I did have some family members tell me to be more like a man and kind of disapprove of my mannerisms. I tried my best to look and act straight-but had no idea on what to do-I was a certain way and had no idea why. My parents basically ignored it-as they did with any other uncomfortable issues. Like they say -ignorance is bliss!

 

When I moved, at first it was very liberating , hey I can be gay and then the next part-so what now? Again no manual, I didn't know what to do -especially being a fem , chunky kid. I guess I expected the oceans to part and the sky to be lit up in rainbows . But nobody seemed to care, plenty of really unfortunate kids whose parents disowned them and some desperate with no light at end of the tunnel. I slowly put on a persona of a fat fem loud obnoxious person who was very strong. But it wasn't me-I am quite shy and quiet , but somehow became a totally different person. It was my defense to navigate this uncharted world . But ultimately grew tired and tuned to hiring-started with massage.

 

Somehow had kids-mostly dumb luck through someone who introduced me to the scientific side . That put me back in touch with my family. Raising a kid by yourself -no wonder they said it takes a village to raise a child!! But I came full circle, reconnected with my family. I am glad-even though no one rejected me, I had hate in my heart for them -I am glad that is gone. It took them a while, but they won't talk about me being gay, but know and don't care. My conservative family accepted my kids despite the way they were born-which kinda shocked me and have been invaluable in helping me raise them.

 

Anyways am all over the place, but just saw that video in my OP and was wondering how nice it would be if your mom or dad just accepted you being gay and your partner right from day one and treated you like it was a normal thing . It would save so much heartache, pain, us having to semi segregate and perhaps prevent quite a few suicides in LGBTQ youth too.