Wasting Time 2.0

[xyz48B]

I was considering something...

 

Some guys almost exclusively hire for 1-hr or 2-hr sessions where the objective is to fuck and part. There isn’t a lot of reason for client or provider to worry about the other’s history or background etc. Unless there’s some sort of fantasy or fetish or something that’s going to be worked out, there’s not a lot to hammer out beyond time, place, rate, and who’s topping and bottoming. Right?

 

Then some guys want more. They may book for a longer time – overnight, weekend, a week, etc. They’re looking for a BFE. Something beyond dick in, dick out. The “connection” is important here.

 

We spend time on this forum talking about escorts who feel their time is wasted by clients, including clients who want to “text constantly.” Now, I can see how that could be a problem. The escort does have a life and does have other responsibilities to attend to, no doubt. We all do. But it occurred to me when booking for a BFE, it seems that a certain amount of getting to know each other before you meet isn’t unreasonable. *snark on* If indeed payment is for time, then am I the client also expected to pay for the time needed to get to know each other for an enjoyable, believable BFE?

 

I’ve had escorts who are good about chitchat texting before we meet. And my experience has been that the BFEs are so, so much better with the guys who make that little investment outside the physical time together. If the client’s pleasure is the top priority, as so many guys advertise, it would seem they would build into their business model and expectation time to make that pleasure for a BFE. If not, don’t advertise BFEs and stick to the shorter sessions that don’t require the same kind of prep.

 

Aside – so help me God, if @marylander1940 tries to “move” this thread...

[Luv2play]

I am completely in agreement with your views. Mostly I am looking for the extended BFE, usually overnights but at least 2 to 4 hours on a first meeting. I usually contact a new escort at least two weeks in advance and start the convo by RM messenger or text, if we switch to that or Whatsapp.

 

By the time we meet, always in a remote place for either him or me, since I live in a small town, I feel we almost know each other in the sense of expectations, personality, compatibly etc. It seldom fails.

[+ MysticMenace]

I completely understand this point of view. Given my relatively limited experience, I can offer this:

• I should have an idea of what I'd be getting into before the actual meet. I do not look for BFEs in every meet. Sometimes I acknowledge that language can be a barrier but through research find out that a provider is a great top and pounder, then I would book that 1 hour for the amazing bang.
  
• There are providers who advertise that they are great at BFEs and great lovers, but for me, it still depends on chemistry (as much as the provider wants to curate that). So I typically do not schedule that much time (1-2 hours) for a first-time meet. Now, if the chemistry is there and I am just very horny that session, then I sometimes ask to extend to a few more hours or an overnight to really get to know the guy.
  
• As much as it would be an inconvenience, I am paying for the provider's time, so I would not expect the provider to invest a differentiated amount of time (outside of pleasantries) to curate the BFE outside of the agreed upon time. I would expect that to be baked in within the time I would pay for. If it is a first-time meet, I would technically still be a "potential" client, so as a provider, I could understand the reluctance of even spending a differentiated amount of time for a meet that may or may not happen. Note, however, that for the guys I have met multiple times for BFE, texting outside of the allocated time has not been a problem. Sometimes they would be the ones who would text me to see how I am doing, which is what I would expect in a BFE, no matter how artificial the setup may be.
  
• I recently had a session that I was anticipating to be a good pounding, but did not realize that we had an amazing connection. We got to know each other for 45 minutes till I realize it was close to time. While the pounding did not happen, I left the session happy and with jitters because I connected with someone emotionally in a session that I was not anticipating to be one.
  

In general, it would be hard for me to get a genuine BFE if I only schedule for a short time, and I would think it would be challenging to mimic a BFE (as if I should know what that would feel like since I have not been on a real one) within that timeframe. I guess if I preface the meet-up to be like a make-up sex from having a bad fight, then an hour could work, but if I want the emotional connection and intimacy, I would invest a longer time once I got to know the person and have developed chemistry with them.

[xyz48B]

@JoeMendoza – I can’t conceive of a world where a BFE would be possible in an hour.

 

I find that regulars are fine communicating “off the clock.” Which makes me question the whole “paid for time” line.

 

I guess what rubs me wrong is the idea that communicating with me, in any regard, for anyone is a “waste.” In my work, unless I’m on vacation, I’m available 24/7. Yes – sometimes I’m more on than others, but I can never say, “This is categorically off limits time.”

 

What would be more honest is to say that you’re not willing to invest the time communicating with a potential client who may well end up not coming through (honest and we seem to be saying that’s what “wasting time” is) than saying someone is a waste of time. Perhaps I’m playing with semantics, but it really rubs me the wrong way.

[dbar123]

I prefer hiring repeat escorts that I’ve already got ongoing rapport with. I enjoy the interesting chat as much as the sex.

[+ MysticMenace]

@JoeMendoza – I can’t conceive of a world where a BFE would be possible in an hour.

 

I find that regulars are fine communicating “off the clock.” Which makes me question the whole “paid for time” line.

 

I guess what rubs me wrong is the idea that communicating with me, in any regard, for anyone is a “waste.” In my work, unless I’m on vacation, I’m available 24/7. Yes – sometimes I’m more on than others, but I can never say, “This is categorically off limits time.”

 

What would be more honest is to say that you’re not willing to invest the time communicating with a potential client who may well end up not coming through (honest and we seem to be saying that’s what “wasting time” is) than saying someone is a waste of time. Perhaps I’m playing with semantics, but it really rubs me the wrong way.

 

not sure about a world where BFE would be possible in an hour, but would love to live in @Hoover42's world here (post #10)

 

outside of their chosen profession, which I would pay the time for, I have found connections with some providers even if not within a BFE setting. for example, we would text each other if a new RPDR episode is on, or if their favorite football team won, or if I guessed the right celebrity on the masked singer and he did not. we do not necessarily talk about BFE related things, more so we found things we could connect on.

 

I used to work at a professional services firm where I was expected to work 24/7 even during vacation, but I have left that after a decade as I needed to have a life. in my new job, while I was able to slowly curb my workaholic tendencies, I have managed to set boundaries of when I would be "on" for work and when I am "off." it was a struggle to adjust at first, but to my benefit, I was able to adapt. perhaps some providers, as they are essentially their own employers, may have defined their own times as well as timelines and durations for how much to spend with a client or potential client. I believe it is well within their prerogative to define that for themselves.

 

I do apologize if I misinterpreted your initial post - I thought it was just in reference as time being wasted not the client being a waste - I do see a difference in those two terms. I would also say that those terms unfortunately have not been unique to these provider-client interactions and have experienced both in work situations and in personal interactions. I would say the term "waste" is relative. when I worked in professional services, every minute of client-related work is billed, so nothing was a waste; but I guess that might be different if one is self-employed and the provider cannot exactly bill a client or potential client for all the time utilized within interactions.

 

I would also venture to say that there could be providers out there that would advertise as many services they can to capture a wider market, but I guess that is what this forum can be used for as well to see if other members have found a provider worthwhile for a BFE or something more straight-up. hope that helps.

[+ keroscenefire]

I prefer hiring repeat escorts that I’ve already got ongoing rapport with. I enjoy the interesting chat as much as the sex.

 

Yeah, I was going to say something similar. I consider short "one-hour" sessions as just a bit of quick fun. If there is something more in that short connection, than that is where I start doing repeat hiring that often leads to a more BFE situation. This is exactly what happened with my main regular...we just connected very well and have lots of similar interests. So it really had become something close to a friendship (though I obviously still pay him for his time). But we have gone to see theater, gardens, hot springs, had dinner together etc. I think that is how you develop rapport and decide who you want to do more of a BFE/overnight with.

[xyz48B]

I do apologize if I misinterpreted your initial post - I thought it was just in reference as time being wasted not the client being a waste

As I said, I’m probably playing with semantics and that’s part my issue. But when we have little more to offer than our time, if engaging that offer is a waste, then by extension, I’d say that the assessment is the person is a waste. If I don’t think someone is worthy of my time, whatever “worthy” might mean, then I’ve determined that there are other things are more valuable to do with it. If I choose to spend time on something or someone less worthy than something or something more worthy, then I’ve wasted time. Or perhaps I’m wrong?

 

Who is anyone whom I’ve never met to make a determination about my worthiness to interact with? Particularly someone who’s marketing their time? To make the determination without much data “you aren’t worth the time” stings. Perhaps I’m too personally invested and have psychologized this a bit too much. But the whole “don’t waste my time” directive is insulting. In my line of work, if I would say that to someone, it would be cause for a major, major hullabaloo. And I’m not technically compensated for my time…I’m compensated for my work, the things I do during a particular time. But I’m supposed to be reachable at any time. Telling someone that they’re wasting your time is effectively telling them they’re a waste of your time.

[dbar123]

Flipping the tables somewhat...I have a few regular escorts who text me occasionally if they haven’t seen me in a while just to know if I’m OK...or to wish me a happy holiday. I love that personal touch.

[xyz48B]

That’s again the notion of someone who could be a regular. Was your first time with him a quickie or more of a BFE?

[xyz48B]

When both parties make an investment, it’s a better experience for everyone.

[orville]

I don't think BFE means getting to know each other for a long period of time.

I think BFE, as understood by the majority of us first, is just a passionate vanilla session of 1, 2, 3 hrs, etc.

Having a deeper connection with a provider happens, but not sure I'd call that a BFE. Maybe a Paid FWB relationship?

Edited November 30, 2020 by orville

[dbar123]

When you see the same BFE provider for some period of time, it is inevitable that you will share interesting things, anecdotes, experiences etc. I have a steady provider who happens to have a kid in school. We always exchange stories about that. It’s just part of being human

[+ MysticMenace]

I think BFE, as understood by the majority of us first, is just a passionate vanilla session of 1, 2, 3 hrs, etc.

Having a deeper connection with a provider happens, but not sure I'd call that a BFE. Maybe a Paid FWB relationship?

 

But it occurred to me when booking for a BFE, it seems that a certain amount of getting to know each other before you meet isn’t unreasonable. *snark on* If indeed payment is for time, then am I the client also expected to pay for the time needed to get to know each other for an enjoyable, believable BFE?

 

interesting. definitely had BFE sessions like that, but had BFE sessions that go mild-to-wild or just plain wild/naughty, depending on the mood

not being in actual relationship, would hope my real BFE would not just be limited to vanilla sessions.

 

but I guess, @xyz48B, the nature and extent of the BFE could be subject to interpretation by both client and provider. if the definition for both is like @orville's definition, then that would probably be more commonplace, but if one requires more investment to get to know one another, etc., then perhaps those expectations just need to be clarified up front to see if the provider is even willing to make that investment (or if you guys are in alignment of what BFE is or look like). I do realize that sometimes I leave the BFE interpretation open to some providers so I could figure out how each provider treat the client as a BF. definitely some hits and misses there.

 

is it really a "B" in FWB if there is still payment, though - friends-with-billing?

 

If I don’t think someone is worthy of my time, whatever “worthy” might mean, then I’ve determined that there are other things are more valuable to do with it. If I choose to spend time on something or someone less worthy than something or something more worthy, then I’ve wasted time. Or perhaps I’m wrong?

 

yea, this is a thinker. I think 'worth' is subjective. not sure how one can infer that a client is not as 'worthy' compared to other activities that a provider might be doing with specific context - are we saying that if providers are short or have delayed or no responses that one is to assume that the provider believes the client is not as 'worthy'?

 

I just think that providers handle a lot of incoming communications and need to funnel through serious vs. flakes on a daily basis, so I would tend to give them a bit more grace and patience in my interactions. what I am still learning is to be able to contextualize these interactions as business transactions, so if I think the provider does not give what I expect him to deliver before or during the appointment, then the provider would probably not get repeat business.

 

In my line of work, if I would say that to someone, it would be cause for a major, major hullabaloo. And I’m not technically compensated for my time…I’m compensated for my work, the things I do during a particular time. But I’m supposed to be reachable at any time. Telling someone that they’re wasting your time is effectively telling them they’re a waste of your time.

 

as far as the analogy goes, lol I would never say that to someone (would not want to get a conduct memo from HR). I was never self-employed, so I could not fully relate as to what providers have to go through to keep their own businesses afloat. for a provider who may not be salaried and possibly without corporate benefits and insurance, I can understand how being diligent with their use of time is of critical importance.

 

lol, pretty long-winded - sorry!