"Quinn" and "Lindoro"

[Guest]

An update on my personal life for those who are interested (if you're not, skip this string). Well, this last week I was supposed to be touring central-western Mexico with my friend the recent medical school graduate, but he contracted Covid-19 (showed me the results), so that was cancelled. So I came down to stay at my LA house and visit with "Quinn, " the furloughed Alaska Airlines flight attendant. I have done a full criminal and financial background check on him, and he's been house-sitting for me, since I'm still working and won't be able to come down for another 5 weeks or so. He seems to be a solid, honest dude, but I have questions as to if it can last because he's kind of obsessive-compulsive, and I'm not sure if it will work out.

For example, we were down at the supermarket (and Target) to make sure he had everything to make him comfortable until I arrive. I told him to get anything he wanted. When we were at the pasta section, he held up some angel hair pasta, and I said "Oh, I don't think we need that. I brought some spaghetti and thin spaghetti from my house up north." Later, when we were up at the house, he told me how upset he was that I wouldn't buy the angel hair pasta. I told him I hadn't understood that it was that important to him that he have specifically angel hair pasta. I told him that had I known, I certainly would have gotten it for him, and offered to go back down and get that and anything else he wanted. He didn't seem satisfied, though.

Also, he has about a dozen skin care products that he uses, and has a very restrictive, regimented diet. Neither of those things in and of themselves would be a problem. It does seem to fit a pattern of extreme rigidness and lack of flexibility which I'm fearful may portend a difficult future. The other issue is that he says he won't be able to sleep overnight in the same room with me "until I get to know you better." Apparently, this would even extend to two separate beds in the same room. When I asked him about how long he thought it would take, I received a fairly hostile, almost angry response. That being said, he has been helpful with the various people I've had to interact with, such as the cable/satellite/internet people, termite people, etc.

Meanwhile, I keep getting heart-filled texts from "Lindoro," the handsome hotel assistant manager of the hotel I stayed while I was looking for houses, and later when I was having my current house inspected. He also sends me songs (in which he's singing). He sent me a face (which looks like his, but emoji-ish), with hearts surrounding the face, and said "I hope youre' having a great week-end... It's not getting any easier with all of these lockdowns." I asked him if he was OK, and he said OK for now. I told him I was stressed with the move, and he said my situation was "... amazing (heart), you deserve it Unicorn...". Then he added "I may be moving to Phoenix if work doesn't get any better." Then added "It's not financially smart to be alone paying rent if I want to sing. It's expensive with a reduced salary." I asked him if he'd consider just moving in with me, and he said "But I have 2 dogs," to which I replied "And I have a huge yard." Then he said "I have baggage. You deserve better." I asked him what could be that bad, and he said "I'd love to hang out with you when you move to LA."

I told him he's being very mysterious, and he said "Quiero que conscas mis locuras. Te quiero ver pronto, Unicorn" (I want you to know my crazy side. I want to see you soon, Unicorn." Apparently Monday's his only day off, and unfortunately I work from 8 AM to 9 PM that day, but I will try to call him at work. I'm dying to know what his "baggage" is. I mean, I'm sure he wouldn't be hired as an assistant manager at a hotel if he were an axe murderer... Is it substance abuse? HIV? Used to be an escort? I'm going crazy trying to figure it out. He must know how head-over-heels I feel about him. What could be that bad? Hopefully I'll find out tomorrow?

Oh, and by the way, one of "Quinn"'s issues seems to be alcohol. He won't drink it, so I have a feeling he's in recovery (though he doesn't mind if I do).

I have mentioned this in prior strings, so apologize for the repetition to anyone who's already read this, but one of the things I like so much about Lindoro is that he came on to me immediately, not knowing about my financial situation, or, of course, my new house (which he couldn't have known because I didn't know myself which house I wanted when I first met him). So I do feel more confident that he likes me for me.

[Luv2play]

Having only read some of your posts about your move to LA, it would nevertheless appear to me you are making a big transition in your life both with respect to your career and your place of residence. Each of these changes are major life events in and of themselves. But you are doing them at the same time.

 

As well, you seem to be trying to embark on a new romantic voyage, so to speak. But with various characters.

 

Maybe you’re trying to do too much at the same time. You might be in danger of being pulled in too many directions at the same time. When that happens, some things are likely to get short changed.

 

Feel free to ignore my observations as I am very far away from LA, although I once knew it pretty well.

[+ sniper]

Maybe Lindoro is prone to intense extended flings as opposed to LTRs and he's not looking to put down roots with you. But dude, wtf are you doing basically working multiple dudes trying to get them to move in with you? Does any of them know about the others?

[Luv2play]

Adding another complication, I just read in the NYT this morning that most of California is going into a three week shutdown, where stay at home orders are being imposed and most businesses closed down. Not a great time to be organizing a move from SF to LA.

[MikeBiDude]

Adding another complication, I just read in the NYT this morning that most of California is going into a three week shutdown, where stay at home orders are being imposed and most businesses closed down. Not a great time to be organizing a move from SF to LA.

Being a SoCal resident I doubt the “lockdown” would affect a move from NorCal too much. Not to mention many businesses resisting the order, and law enforcement agencies stating publicly they won’t enforce it.

[+ Lucky]

Being a SoCal resident I doubt the “lockdown” would affect a move from NorCal too much. Not to mention many businesses resisting the order, and law enforcement agencies stating publicly they won’t enforce it.

I think people are tired of the inconsistencies in the various measures enacted to stop the pandemic. Yet mask wearing seems to be popular, unless at a Trump rally.

https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-12-07/coronavirus-stay-home-messaging-la-harm-reduction

Edited December 7, 2020 by Lucky

[Luv2play]

I think people are tired of the inconsistencies in the various measures enacted to stop the pandemic. Yet mask wearing seems to be popular, unless at a Trump rally.

https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-12-07/coronavirus-stay-home-messaging-la-harm-reduction

I agree that the public authorities don’t always seem to be in tune with the latest public health experts, especially those in research positions at major universities. I tend to listen more to the latter, as they are free to speak out more so than those employed by politicians. The article cited by you illustrates this point effectively.

 

I’ve been applying my own critical thinking since the beginning of this pandemic, when our public health officials at the highest level were saying back in Feb and early March that it was ok to go about your regular business as we were at low risk as a country in being affected by the virus. We know how that went.

 

Then when they reversed course in mid March, they went crazy about staying at home, to the extent of not going out in the fresh air to get exercise. At that time I gave guidance to people with whom I have some influence to take their children and go out and hike in our beautiful countryside and enjoy the spring weather but to distance from others not in their immediate household. It turned out to be good advice which the authorities finally embraced by summer.

 

Back before Halloween the prime minister was saying if we cancelled that we could hope for a more normal Christmas. I thought, forget it. So now Christmas is cancelled too. I totally get it why the public is tired and confused by what we are told by people in positions of authority. It’s best to use one’s own judgment after studying the situation and being open to voices of reason, whatever the source.

[+ sync]

A unified effort is the most crucial element and also the most under-addressed. From the start there have been high-profile, influential individuals promoting caution while others of the same stature were promoting business-as-usual. The most damaging were the ones who promoted caution and social distancing having their hypocrisy videotaped while mixing and mingling without caution at spreader events.

 

If the forthcoming vaccines are not all they are cracked-up to be, I fear a mini-extinction level event.

[jjkrkwood]

A unified effort is the most crucial element and also the most under-addressed. From the start there have been high-profile, influential individuals promoting caution while others of the same stature were promoting business-as-usual. The most damaging were the ones who promoted caution and social distancing having their hypocrisy videotaped while mixing and mingling without caution at spreader events.

 

If the forthcoming vaccines are not all they are cracked-up to be, I fear a mini-extinction level event.

 

 

[+ Lucky]

Hard to understand why indoor dining is not allowed in CA, but okay in NY!

https://nypost.com/2020/12/07/gov-cuomo-warns-covid-19-rates-could-shut-down-indoor-dining/

[MikeBiDude]

Hard to understand why indoor dining is not allowed in CA, but okay in NY!

https://nypost.com/2020/12/07/gov-cuomo-warns-covid-19-rates-could-shut-down-indoor-dining/

That’s what the California Restaurant Association and a judge want to know too:

https://www.courthousenews.com/judge-wants-more-evidence-for-keeping-la-county-ban-on-outdoor-dining/

[Luv2play]

Maybe it’s the difference in mentality between the left coast and the right coast. Lol

[Guest]

Maybe Lindoro is prone to intense extended flings as opposed to LTRs and he's not looking to put down roots with you. But dude, wtf are you doing basically working multiple dudes trying to get them to move in with you? Does any of them know about the others?

You're right, Lindoro doesn't know about Quinn, nor vice-a-versa. I finally spoke with Lindoro today. I asked Lindoro what he meant about having "baggage" and prior references about having made bad decisions in the past. He seemed to back-track and say he was just referring to his difficult financial situation. He said he couldn't afford living in LA with the continued cutbacks in his salary by the hotel chain employing him. I said why should there be a problem since he could live in my place without paying rent. He said he couldn't imagine living in my place rent-free unless we were established as a romantic couple first. Then he mentioned his dogs again, and I said I couldn't imagine that would be a problem given the size of my yard. He then said "Well, they shed a lot."

He acts all lovey-dovey in his texts, but then cools off when I try to actually get together (he cancelled our last dinner in November, citing work conflicts, but we'd planned that weeks in advance). I wonder if he just gets off on people expressing admiration for him? I also feel there's something important he's not telling me. Of course, I'm with Quinn now, although I'm not sure how dedicated Quinn is to me. One weird thing about Quinn is that he so far won't sleep in the same room as me. He says he would thrash about until he gets more comfortable with me, although I asked what if we were in the same room but separate beds, and he still said no (he sleeps in a different rooms from me in my LA house). When I asked him how long he thought it might take to feel comfortable enough to sleep with me, he got angry and defensive.

On the subject of baggage, Quinn does get quite moody, and that's why I'm not 100% comfortable that this will work out long-term. But at least he's always been honest with me, and we do seem to have good chemistry. As for the actual move, I haven't picked an actual date. My last day at work is around 1/5/21. I should definitely move by 1/11/21 or sooner. I guess I should get off my ass and call the moving company. My call tomorrow with the financial advisor on whether to rent or sell my old property was pushed back to Thursday as he's still feeling sick from Covid. Everyone I know seems to be getting Covid these days (Quinn already had it last summer, so no danger from him).

[+ Pensant]

I wouldn’t put up with all of Quinn’s BS.

[jjkrkwood]

I wouldn’t put up with all of Quinn’s BS.

 

Some people are just more "needy" than others. And even if that WAS the case, I personally wouldnt be talking about it. But that's just me.

[+ sniper]

I think your participation in the hobby that is the recurring theme of this board may be skewing your perceptions of social norms. Most adults, and especially males in this culture, are hesitant to be "kept" by another. I don't know why you find it surprising that a previously self-supporting adult is surprised at another's willingness to basically remove all their financial worries, and have some concern about taking the plunge. What happens to Quinn if you get bored(or randomly croak) in two years and he is out on the street with an employment gap and no savings? They're not going to say that to you this bluntly, but that's what's going through their heads.

[+ Just966]

You're right, Lindoro doesn't know about Quinn, nor vice-a-versa. I finally spoke with Lindoro today. I asked Lindoro what he meant about having "baggage" and prior references about having made bad decisions in the past. He seemed to back-track and say he was just referring to his difficult financial situation. He said he couldn't afford living in LA with the continued cutbacks in his salary by the hotel chain employing him. I said why should there be a problem since he could live in my place without paying rent. He said he couldn't imagine living in my place rent-free unless we were established as a romantic couple first. Then he mentioned his dogs again, and I said I couldn't imagine that would be a problem given the size of my yard. He then said "Well, they shed a lot."

He acts all lovey-dovey in his texts, but then cools off when I try to actually get together (he cancelled our last dinner in November, citing work conflicts, but we'd planned that weeks in advance). I wonder if he just gets off on people expressing admiration for him? I also feel there's something important he's not telling me. Of course, I'm with Quinn now, although I'm not sure how dedicated Quinn is to me. One weird thing about Quinn is that he so far won't sleep in the same room as me. He says he would thrash about until he gets more comfortable with me, although I asked what if we were in the same room but separate beds, and he still said no (he sleeps in a different rooms from me in my LA house). When I asked him how long he thought it might take to feel comfortable enough to sleep with me, he got angry and defensive.

On the subject of baggage, Quinn does get quite moody, and that's why I'm not 100% comfortable that this will work out long-term. But at least he's always been honest with me, and we do seem to have good chemistry. As for the actual move, I haven't picked an actual date. My last day at work is around 1/5/21. I should definitely move by 1/11/21 or sooner. I guess I should get off my ass and call the moving company. My call tomorrow with the financial advisor on whether to rent or sell my old property was pushed back to Thursday as he's still feeling sick from Covid. Everyone I know seems to be getting Covid these days (Quinn already had it last summer, so no danger from him).

 

I am not someone who tends to give advice to others but there are way too many obvious red flags in your situation that I would really encourage you to look at before you get in too deep. Be careful:)

[+ Charlie]

It sounds like for Lindoro, you are not the one but simply a possible choice, so he is doing what seems necessary to keep it available. But then, that also seems to be what he is to you. It sounds like both of you are basically shopping. @sniper may be right that you have been overly conditioned by this site, where buyers are comparing different items in the Deli.

[jjkrkwood]

Wondering if Unicorns New Manse comes equipped with a "revolving front door?"

 

[Luv2play]

Thinking about all the variables in your situation, I think perhaps what you need at this point is a houseboy. Someone cute, nice to have around, attentive to your needs (other that sexual) and keep the sexual connections with those (escorts or boyfriends) you choose to be with, with no strings attached.

 

It’s all the strings and baggage, as you call it, that are major complications and may lead to grief for all concerned. Having someone move in with you under the circumstances you outline is fraught with potential and obvious problems, as some posters here have outlined.

[Guest]

I think your participation in the hobby that is the recurring theme of this board may be skewing your perceptions of social norms. Most adults, and especially males in this culture, are hesitant to be "kept" by another. I don't know why you find it surprising that a previously self-supporting adult is surprised at another's willingness to basically remove all their financial worries, and have some concern about taking the plunge. What happens to Quinn if you get bored(or randomly croak) in two years and he is out on the street with an employment gap and no savings? They're not going to say that to you this bluntly, but that's what's going through their heads.

Wondering if Unicorns New Manse comes equipped with a "revolving front door?"

Well, I want to make it clear that in my prior relationships, I have always been supportive, loyal, and faithful once we've made a commitment, and have NEVER dropped someone because I "got bored." I certainly don't discourage other employment, schooling, etc., and even if the person doesn't work at all, there's plenty left over so that they're a lot better off than when we got together. Even in the case of the lyin' Paraguayan (whom I came close to marrying), whom I had to kick out because I found out he was not only seeing someone else, but running a bordello from my house while I was at work, and got himself treated for syphilis without telling me, I made sure he wasn't simply kicked out into the street. And we're still on good term (he texted me just the other day).

In the case of Quinn, specifically, he has nearby family with whom he was staying before we got together, and with whom he could go back to if he needed to. I'm careful not to take in homeless, unbefriended men, because I don't want to be left in an awkward position if things turn out badly. I have always been extremely supportive of my men, and helped them improve their lives. Quinn and I have not made a commitment as of this time, so I don't feel badly about staying in touch with Lindoro.

@Charlie may be quite right, and Lindoro may just be keeping his options open. I do get the sense that there's something important that he's keeping from me, and doesn't want to tell me until he knows we click. (Or he could just be yanking my chain, or he could just be getting off over the thought of men drooling over him). I almost feel like telling him "It's OK if you have HIV" since I'm a top and would consider my risk pretty low as long as he keeps on his meds and stays undetectable, if that were to be the problem. In addition to his physical beauty, it's obviously huge for me that he seems attracted to me for reasons wholly non-financial.

I always make sure my men feel safe and fulfilled. I told Quinn that I have long-term care insurance, and that he would never have to worry about having to take care of me if ever I couldn't take care of myself. I even told him to take me here if I ever needed it:

https://www.belmontvillage.com/locations/hollywood-hills/

Even if I were to "croak", I made sure that the men I made commitments to (specifically the Paraguayan) were taken care of (I changed that quickly when I found out what was going on). Quinn and I are still getting to know each other. I don't know if it will work out. But I definitely don't see any of the men to whom I make commitments as disposable, nor do I turn them around. Quinn seems like an honest man with good intentions. We'll just have to see if he can control his somewhat obsessive-compulsive side.

Edited December 9, 2020 by Unicorn

[+ FreshFluff]

I have no doubt you’re loyal, Unicorn, but Quinn doesn’t know that. Just as you’ve done extensive due diligence on him, it makes sense for him to closely at you and the potential live in situation—and to look at actions as well as words. Is it possible that Quinn took the pasta episode as a signal that you’ll be less generous than he wants? Have you discussed the specifics of your offer—specifically whether you’re offering a stipend on top of room and board?

 

Also, I get the feeling you’re smitten with Lindero. Do you prefer him over Quinn? Lindero may be sending flirtatious texts, but the relationship isn’t as far along as the current one. Once things get down to brass tacks, Lindero may be no less hesitant than Quinn.

Edited December 9, 2020 by FreshFluff

[Guest]

I have no doubt you’re loyal, Unicorn, but Quinn doesn’t know that. Just as you’ve done extensive due diligence on him, and it makes sense for him to closely at you and the potential live in situation—and to look at actions as well as words. Is it possible that Quinn took the pasta episode as a signal that you’ll be less generous than he wants? Have you discussed the specifics of your offer—specifically whether you’re offering a stipend on top of room no board?

 

Also, I get the feeling you’re smitten with Lindero. Do you prefer him over Quinn? Lindero may be sending flirtatious texts, but the relationship isn’t as far along as the current one. Once things get down to brass tacks, Lindero may be no less hesitant than Quinn.

Yes, I've been quite clear with Quinn. Even got him caught up on his in arrears car payments (he bought a car just before the Covid crisis and he got laid off), and have paid for him to get regular sessions with a (married) personal trainer. And yes, I do prefer Lindoro over Quinn, in part because I know Lindoro seems to be attracted to me for non-financial reasons. But, no doubt, Quinn is quite handsome also, and seems to be a solid, reliable man, if a bit neurotic. I don't seem to know Lindoro too well, other than his aspirations in the hospitality and music industry.