Rudynate Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 19 hours ago, xyz48B said: Or really understand. There’s a lot of parroting back mainstream understandings from the 1990s and 2000s about addiction in this thread. I’m not surprised given the age makeup of the forum. But there has been a shift in understanding and approach to dealing with addiction – particularly drugs, alcohol, and food – in the past 10 years or so. I love how people who aren’t obese, for example, say “I know it’s hard.” No. You don’t know. Unless you’ve lived it. And talking about the health consequences of obesity isn’t helpful. An obese person knows they’re obese and doesn’t need you to tell them. Nor do they need you to explain the health ramifications of it to them. They likely know it better than you unless you’re a doctor or weightloss coach. What they do need from you is decency like you would afford anyone else. You can’t likely identify a high functioning alcoholic by looking at them so that you can pass judgement on them in the supermarket the same way you can on an obese person who may in fact lead a very fulfilling life. Whatever the case may be, people need to settle down with their all-encompassing understanding of the life experiences of other people and actually listen before offering advice or passing judgements, even if those judgements have no bearing on those for whom they’re passed. Often, they don't know that they are obese. In the 80's, I didn't have a weight problem but my diet was frightfully bad - I had entire days when I ate nothing but sugar. I began to think I had an eating disorder because I had such gluttonous eating habits - I couldn't eat just one cookie, for example, I kept eating them until I felt sick. I tried a few OA meetings hoping to get some control over what I ate. Several times I heard REALLY large people (sometimes weighing over 300#) say that they didn't realize how bad their weight problem was until they came to OA - that until then they thought they just had a few pounds to lose. Denial is a wonderful thing. pubic_assistance 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xyz48B Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Rudynate said: Often, they don't know that they are obese. And they don’t need you to tell them. Let their doctor and them worry about their health. Especially if you’ve been there, you should know. Edited January 30, 2022 by xyz48B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudynate Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 7 minutes ago, xyz48B said: And they don’t need you to tell them. Let their doctor and them worry about their health. Especially if you’ve been there, you should know. Agree completely. I'm a big believer in not offering unsolicited advice. Even when someone asks for advice, I assume that they actually are looking for me to tell them what they want to hear so I offer advice very gingerly. xyz48B 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xyz48B Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 4 minutes ago, Rudynate said: Agree completely. I'm a big believer in not offering unsolicited advice. Even when someone asks for advice, I assume that they actually are looking for me to tell them what they want to hear so I offer advice very gingerly. At the risk of going off topic (Subject Squad will come out in droves), the I don’t know if that’s true for me. If I ask your opinion, I actually want it. I may already have started to develop an opinion, but more input might help me either solidify my own ideas or change them. I work with people. They love to give their opinions on every manner of things. Sometimes I get multiple opinions and they’re divergent. Literally opposed. Someone’s opinion isn’t becoming a reality. What people fail to understand is that simply giving your opinion doesn’t entitle you to having it implemented. The same for advice. If you give me advice, I don’t have to use it. I can consider it but do something different. It doesn’t mean it’s not valuable to me. It simply means I didn’t use it. There’s a fine nuanced line between opinions and advice. pubic_assistance 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudynate Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 15 minutes ago, xyz48B said: At the risk of going off topic (Subject Squad will come out in droves), the I don’t know if that’s true for me. If I ask your opinion, I actually want it. I may already have started to develop an opinion, but more input might help me either solidify my own ideas or change them. I work with people. They love to give their opinions on every manner of things. Sometimes I get multiple opinions and they’re divergent. Literally opposed. Someone’s opinion isn’t becoming a reality. What people fail to understand is that simply giving your opinion doesn’t entitle you to having it implemented. The same for advice. If you give me advice, I don’t have to use it. I can consider it but do something different. It doesn’t mean it’s not valuable to me. It simply means I didn’t use it. There’s a fine nuanced line between opinions and advice. It's a mine field - offering advice/opinion. I only speak frankly if someone says, "I really want to know." Of course, when I'm being paid to give advice, I speak freely. In my personal life, the only ones who spontaneously get my unvarnished opinion are my husband and very old friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xyz48B Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 I only offer my unsolicited opinion to friends and family. Professionally, people only want my opinion until they hear it – but the nature of my work means they need to ask for it! 😂 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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