POSING AS BOYFRIEND

[BSR]

51 minutes ago, Trick said:

I’ve seen Wedding Date with Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney.  Is there a gay version of that movie?

Dunno, but they should make one ... as long as it doesn't star Billy Eichner.

[DWnyc]

22 hours ago, ICTJOCK said:

Not hardly

Perhaps the profession just exposes the emptiness of what we consider real life 

Me, I’d judge providers’ ethics not in this kind of situation - but on things like: delivering what is agreed, not short changing on time or overcharging because one can, being discreet when coming across identifiable information,  not underperforming if faced with a client they are not attracted to (while still taking all donations) etc.

All else is noise unless the core is solid without question 

 

 

Edited June 10 by DWnyc

[Monarchy79]

On 6/8/2024 at 2:57 PM, ICTJOCK said:

  I am not going to deceive people with my work as an escort.   

Thoughts?

This isn’t deception. It’s acting.

And every time you get with a client, making him feel special, attractive, and that you have “chemistry”, you’re doing this…. 😎

Edited June 10 by Monarchy79

[coriolis888]

On 6/8/2024 at 5:49 PM, FrankR said:

Are you trying to be insulting? You are making an assumption about @ICTJOCK’s profession - clearly you know nothing about him. How about you think it through next time. 🤔

It is what it is.  

Escorts must at least pretend to find older clients and/or out of shape clients attractive during an intimate "get together" where money is involved. 

If the escort failed at that requirement, future hiring would be at risk for the escort in his profession.   

As to calling the escort his boyfriend, that is not so wrong considering there was intimate contact in the past between the two.

[rvwnsd]

On 6/8/2024 at 8:11 PM, ICTJOCK said:

I understand where you are coming from.   I think it bothered me that he was creating a fantasy to tell others.    I had been involved with him for the last 2 years,  suggested a profession I could pose for.     I am a professional person and I do have ethics.     If it was merely posing,   it would be fine.   To be a part of a fantasy is another.

@ICTJOCK, are you saying that you have had him as a client for the last two years or that the client wanted you to go along with his story that you and he were in a committed relationship for two years? I think you mean the latter, but to @coriolis888's point:

51 minutes ago, coriolis888 said:

...As to calling the escort his boyfriend, that is not so wrong considering there was intimate contact in the past between the two.

it could be interpreted that you and the client have been intimate before.

[Thelatin]

I've double dated with some long term providers and friends.  Other friends I avoid as they interrogate anyone new.  It's one thing to ask a few questions, some folks feel the need to know everything about people.  I've actually unfriended some folks over them being too damn snoopy.  It's like they have to figure out where the other person fits in the pecking order.

[Muscleking]

You’re decision is ultimately yours to make, but besides just offering sex I do think the whole point of being an escort is to in fact escort someone to dinners, events, weddings etc I mean that’s what most high end escorts do all the time, and most of us hire you guys for the boyfriend experiencie. But understandable if it’s something you’re not comfortable with. 

[maninsoma]

2 hours ago, Thelatin said:

I've double dated with some long term providers and friends.  Other friends I avoid as they interrogate anyone new.  It's one thing to ask a few questions, some folks feel the need to know everything about people.  I've actually unfriended some folks over them being too damn snoopy.  It's like they have to figure out where the other person fits in the pecking order.

I still remember a new coworker (who didn't last long, but I don't know why she left) several years ago who asked a lot of what I considered to be too personal of questions on the first day she met me:  What's my religious background? Am I single?  Why haven't I found a boyfriend?  Etc.  I learned relatively early in my adulthood to recognize people with poor boundaries and I keep them at bay.

[+ APPLE1]

17 hours ago, maninsoma said:

I still remember a new coworker (who didn't last long, but I don't know why she left) several years ago who asked a lot of what I considered to be too personal of questions on the first day she met me:  What's my religious background? Am I single?  Why haven't I found a boyfriend?  Etc.  I learned relatively early in my adulthood to recognize people with poor boundaries and I keep them at bay.

Learned years ago from a friend that the best response is:

That's an odd question to ask someone your barely know. Why on earth would you ask?

[+ sync]

When I was young such inquiries were intimidating.  Now it's: "You are a long way from knowing me well enough to invade my personal life."

[Enzo Falcone]

On 6/8/2024 at 2:57 PM, ICTJOCK said:

Greetings all!     Haven't been on a lot over the last couple of months  with work and demands on time,  but certainly miss and appreciate the site when I'm not here.

So I had a perspective client as me if I would pose as his boyfriend in a social setting.    I ask him to explain and it was more than just a "date for the evening"  (which would be fine),  rather  to go with him and give the impression that we were a couple  and I was his boyfriend in a serious relationship.   I declined.    I am not going to deceive people with my work as an escort.   

Thoughts?

I really appreciate your reflection on what you were comfortable with. 

Sometimes, I feel that we  lose sight of the consent and agreement part of the relationships we get into. If a client reaches out expressing his needs, and I feel that I can meet them, then I sign on. As time goes on, it sometimes happens that their needs can change. The tricky part is navigating through changing needs in an already established relationship. 

Part of why I get to continue loving what I do, and be successful at it, is because of my ability to know my limits and boundaries. If a potential client reaches out with certain scenarios that overstep them, I don't sign on. I do this because the client deserves to be with someone that will be able to provide what they are looking for. I also owe it to myself to respect my boundaries. If I put myself in situations that I'm not comfortable in, they will weigh down on me. That will play out in other parts of my life, and would definitely play out on my interactions with that client or others. 

My hope is that sometimes, if I let a client know that I am not the right person for what they are looking for, they can respect my honesty, knowing that had I just said yes to make a dollar, I would have ultimately failed to give them the experience they are looking for. 

My final thought on this is that there will never be unanimous consensus on how to act, and that's absolutely ok. We are all people at both sides of the client-provider relationships, and part of what makes finding that great client or provider special, is the connection that happens by finding the one that meets your needs.

[DGHou]

As a client I have taken two different escorts to 2 social events.  I have been going to a small, gay owned private gym for the past 12 years.  Membership is about 70% gay, 30% straight and all are long term members. Most of us know each other pretty well. I have taken one of the escorts I see regularly to 2 of the gym Christmas parties.  I've never intimated to anyone there that he was my boyfriend, although he did a time or two when someone asked him out of my earshot in a casual enough way for people not to wonder why I'd been hiding him all this time if we were bf's.   I took him because I like him, he'd fit in I knew, and he's just what the type people there would expect me to bring: young and cute.  So fun was had by all.

[buckguy]

Yes, a client is buying fantasy but that doesn't mean that any and all fantasies are up for consideration. Plus-ones for weddings, etc. can be all manner of persons in an individual's life and even if people assume "they're dating", you don't have to create an impression of anything serious and heh easiest way to introduce someone is as "a friend" and to say "I thought he might enjoy" the occasion.. If OP's client wanted an elaborate backstory and behavior suggesting a very close relationship, I could see opting out of that---it turns something simple into a lot of work.

[DWnyc]

On 6/9/2024 at 10:58 PM, coriolis888 said:

It is what it is.  

Escorts must at least pretend to find older clients and/or out of shape clients attractive during an intimate "get together" where money is involved. 

If the escort failed at that requirement, future hiring would be at risk for the escort in his profession.   

As to calling the escort his boyfriend, that is not so wrong considering there was intimate contact in the past between the two.

Ah how far we are from the days when a glance at church across the pews would mean just a few meetings away from being affianced …

[ICTJOCK]

On 6/11/2024 at 12:27 PM, Enzo Falcone said:

I really appreciate your reflection on what you were comfortable with. 

Sometimes, I feel that we  lose sight of the consent and agreement part of the relationships we get into. If a client reaches out expressing his needs, and I feel that I can meet them, then I sign on. As time goes on, it sometimes happens that their needs can change. The tricky part is navigating through changing needs in an already established relationship. 

Part of why I get to continue loving what I do, and be successful at it, is because of my ability to know my limits and boundaries. If a potential client reaches out with certain scenarios that overstep them, I don't sign on. I do this because the client deserves to be with someone that will be able to provide what they are looking for. I also owe it to myself to respect my boundaries. If I put myself in situations that I'm not comfortable in, they will weigh down on me. That will play out in other parts of my life, and would definitely play out on my interactions with that client or others. 

My hope is that sometimes, if I let a client know that I am not the right person for what they are looking for, they can respect my honesty, knowing that had I just said yes to make a dollar, I would have ultimately failed to give them the experience they are looking for. 

My final thought on this is that there will never be unanimous consensus on how to act, and that's absolutely ok. We are all people at both sides of the client-provider relationships, and part of what makes finding that great client or provider special, is the connection that happens by finding the one that meets your needs.

Appreciate the input.   Thanks very much!

[Jamie21]

On 6/11/2024 at 6:27 PM, Enzo Falcone said:

I really appreciate your reflection on what you were comfortable with. 

Sometimes, I feel that we  lose sight of the consent and agreement part of the relationships we get into. If a client reaches out expressing his needs, and I feel that I can meet them, then I sign on. As time goes on, it sometimes happens that their needs can change. The tricky part is navigating through changing needs in an already established relationship. 

Part of why I get to continue loving what I do, and be successful at it, is because of my ability to know my limits and boundaries. If a potential client reaches out with certain scenarios that overstep them, I don't sign on. I do this because the client deserves to be with someone that will be able to provide what they are looking for. I also owe it to myself to respect my boundaries. If I put myself in situations that I'm not comfortable in, they will weigh down on me. That will play out in other parts of my life, and would definitely play out on my interactions with that client or others. 

My hope is that sometimes, if I let a client know that I am not the right person for what they are looking for, they can respect my honesty, knowing that had I just said yes to make a dollar, I would have ultimately failed to give them the experience they are looking for. 

My final thought on this is that there will never be unanimous consensus on how to act, and that's absolutely ok. We are all people at both sides of the client-provider relationships, and part of what makes finding that great client or provider special, is the connection that happens by finding the one that meets your needs.

This. I totally agree. 

[Simon Suraci]

Whether the client presents you as a casual date or an intimate, what the client is asking for here is truly traditional escort service. I am puzzled that an escort would be uncomfortable…escorting.

That’s the beauty of hiring. Get whatever fantasy you want. Sometimes that fantasy is being at a party feeling like a million bucks because you have a guy you like on your arm, or you on his. All it takes is a little role play and tact. Lots of “Yes-and”. Not so different in that respect than role play you might do naked in a bedroom.

It’s on the client to prepare a backstory and details to help keep the narrative consistent. If anything goes south on account of these finer points, the client needs to take responsibility for it. Usually he is introducing you to acquaintances rather than close friends or family, so it’s unlikely you will get the third degree interrogation you might expect from people closer to the client.

As far as ethics…I would question whether deceiving others in this scene is any different than facilitating someone cheating on their spouse. In that case, we may as well hire private investigators to screen out all would-be married/attached Johns. Then we would be out of a job because the PI costs so much, and so few legitimately single guys would be left in the pool to hire us. It’s a slippery slope.

Let the client make their own ethical decisions. We can’t make those on behalf of our clients, just like we can’t be responsible for their health or how they spend their money. At the end of the day, they will hire someone to fulfill their fantasy. Whether you choose to benefit financially by engaging them is your decision. Passing them by doesn’t change their actions. It just changes who they hire. We can’t be a client’s moral compass.

[ICTJOCK]

14 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Whether the client presents you as a casual date or an intimate, what the client is asking for here is truly traditional escort service. I am puzzled that an escort would be uncomfortable…escorting.

That’s the beauty of hiring. Get whatever fantasy you want. 

Odd that you would be puzzled.    I prefer not to be a co conspirator in a "fantasy involving deception".   Part of the thrill for him was the deception.     It isn't like cheating on a spouse.   Then I'm not included in the fantasy,   I just do it.    Here he seemed interested in including me in a deceptive plot and I have a problem with that.    If you find that kind of thing acceptable, then do it,   I prefer not.  

Edited June 16 by ICTJOCK

[coriolis888]

2 hours ago, ICTJOCK said:

Odd that you would be puzzled.    I prefer not to be a co conspirator in a "fantasy involving deception".   Part of the thrill for him was the deception.     It isn't like cheating on a spouse.   Then I'm not included in the fantasy,   I just do it.    Here he seemed interested in including me in a deceptive plot and I have a problem with that.    If you find that kind of thing acceptable, then do it,   I prefer not.  

Reasonable people can disagree. 

However, which person in this dialogue is being reasonable?

[Simon Suraci]

@ICTJOCK you do you, whatever you are comfortable doing.

I am an escort. That kind of thing is escorting. It find it acceptable for me to escort.

Maybe we are confusing “sex work” with “escorting”. Oftentimes we use these terms and their respective nouns interchangeably, but they aren’t the same, at least not traditionally.

An escort can also be a sex worker (and frequently is). Some sex workers are not escorts in the traditional sense of offering companionship services like accompanying their clients to events and doing activities together in public.

Escorts are comfortable being whoever their clients want them to be in public. That aspect of the job delivers value to the client because not everyone will be comfortable with it or do it successfully.

I might suggest you are a sex worker, and not an escort, at least not in the traditional sense of the term escort. And that’s ok. You don’t have to be both.

Other members please do chime in if you disagree, particularly on the underlined point. I find the differences in thought about this topic fascinating.

[TonyDown]

On 6/8/2024 at 2:45 PM, Trick said:

This reminds me of a number of rom-com plots.

There is actually a movie releasing this month at Frameline where the straight guy teases his ex girlfriend that he now has a boyfriend, a gay friend of his.  So they apparently hang out together in the film.

I recently watched Tab Hunter Confidential where he talked about appearing with women to promote the image Hollywood required, that he dated women.

For an escort to be seen out with a client to fool other people, would the escort want to know why?     Is it a harmless scenario?    Is it all about vanity?  Is actual fraud involved?  

Edited June 16 by TonyDown

[ICTJOCK]

37 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

@ICTJOCK you do you, whatever you are comfortable doing.

I am an escort. That kind of thing is escorting. It find it acceptable for me to escort.

Maybe we are confusing “sex work” with “escorting”. Oftentimes we use these terms and their respective nouns interchangeably, but they aren’t the same, at least not traditionally.

An escort can also be a sex worker (and frequently is). Some sex workers are not escorts in the traditional sense of offering companionship services like accompanying their clients to events and doing activities together in public.

Escorts are comfortable being whoever their clients want them to be in public. That aspect of the job delivers value to the client because not everyone will be comfortable with it or do it successfully.

I might suggest you are a sex worker, and not an escort, at least not in the traditional sense of the term escort. And that’s ok. You don’t have to be both.

Other members please do chime in if you disagree, particularly on the underlined point. I find the differences in thought about this topic fascinating.

I don’t think this is rocket science.  I’m a professional.  I am both an escort and sex worker (and other as well).  I simply have a code of ethics.  Let me ask you.  If you were ask to escort as an alibi for your client as a cover for the commission of a deceitful (but not illegal) act.  Would you do it?   What if it was illegal?   I just have to ask based on the above conversation.

[+ JamesB]

@Simon Suraci raises an interesting point. The terms "escort" and "sex worker" are often used interchangeably, but to ME they have distinct connotations and implications. 

Escorts provide companionship, which can include social activities such as attending events, dinners or just spending time together. Physical intimacy may or may not be part of the services offered, depending on the escort and the agreement with the client. Escort’s clients may seek not just physical intimacy but also social companionship and a certain level of discretion.

The term "sex worker" to me is broader and encompasses a wide range of activities where sexual services are exchanged for money or goods. This can include street-based sex work, brothel work, online sex work, and more.

Both terms highlight different aspects and connotations of the profession.

Edited June 16 by JamesB

[ICTJOCK]

1 hour ago, Simon Suraci said:

@ICTJOCK you do you, whatever you are comfortable doing.

I am an escort. That kind of thing is escorting. It find it acceptable for me to escort.

Maybe we are confusing “sex work” with “escorting”. Oftentimes we use these terms and their respective nouns interchangeably, but they aren’t the same, at least not traditionally.

An escort can also be a sex worker (and frequently is). Some sex workers are not escorts in the traditional sense of offering companionship services like accompanying their clients to events and doing activities together in public.

Escorts are comfortable being whoever their clients want them to be in public. That aspect of the job delivers value to the client because not everyone will be comfortable with it or do it successfully.

I might suggest you are a sex worker, and not an escort, at least not in the traditional sense of the term escort. And that’s ok. You don’t have to be both.

Other members please do chime in if you disagree, particularly on the underlined point. I find the differences in thought about this topic fascinating.

Here's really the answer and this is the last post on will make on this matter.    We all have our different perceptions of what is appropriate and what isn't given the circumstances.   We are of different ages,  education levels,  have different focuses as to objectives and live in different areas.    I'm an educated,  professional,  I have 3 degrees,  including a professional degree  (and job)  which necessitates  my compliance to a code of ethics.   Those ethics are important  to who I am.    I escort as a very involved side venture and I'm comfortable doing what I do as an escort.    That doesn't mean that others should do as I do or anyone here shouldn't do as they want.    I was relating an experience and views I have and how I approach this intriguing side gig.

[Simon Suraci]

What I hear is the client asking an escort for typical escort services, and the escort saying he is uncomfortable providing said escort services because it violates his personal code of ethics. That is why I find this question so puzzling.

I’ll let this be my last post on the matter too.