POSING AS BOYFRIEND

[pubic_assistance]

6 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

I might suggest you are a sex worker, and not an escort, at least not in the traditional sense of the term escort. And that’s ok. You don’t have to be both.

Other members please do chime in if you disagree, particularly on the underlined point.

Although @ICTJOCK does not seem to agree I would say that you @Simon Suraci make a valid point about the difference between the traditions of escorting and sex work. I think the point that seems to most bother ICTJOCK is the DEGREE of deliberate deception that he finds inappropriate. For that I do commend him for keeping a moral compass that draws a line where he sees maliciousness.

[+ nycman]

To me it’s weird and I personally wouldn’t be directly involved. 

Nonetheless, I’ve been at plenty of cocktail parties where the "new boyfriend" is obviously a whore. Just like the aging queen who wears too much makeup, it’s not my thing but I’m happy to play along with the farce. It doesn’t hurt me. 

[Rudynate]

On 6/8/2024 at 11:57 AM, ICTJOCK said:

Greetings all!     Haven't been on a lot over the last couple of months  with work and demands on time,  but certainly miss and appreciate the site when I'm not here.

So I had a perspective client as me if I would pose as his boyfriend in a social setting.    I ask him to explain and it was more than just a "date for the evening"  (which would be fine),  rather  to go with him and give the impression that we were a couple  and I was his boyfriend in a serious relationship.   I declined.    I am not going to deceive people with my work as an escort.   

Thoughts?

I guess I could imagine this.  I once went out to breakfast with Don Blueyes.  It seemed silly to me, but I was proud as hell to be seen with him.

[Archangel]

I hire for BFEs. We have acted like a couple in public. We don’t go around broadcasting that we’re a couple though.

I can see the problematic element here. It feels icky in some ways. At the same time, it doesn’t seem wrong to expect a guy offering a BFE who’s escorting me to an event to act like a boyfriend.

Communication is key. He communicated his desire. You can’t accommodate that. You communicated that. At least it happened before the gig got underway. I hate when I’m clear upfront and an escort doesn’t seem to understand or simply doesn’t take me at my word. Or there turns out to be a surprise in what the understanding is. That’s one of the reasons I find communication beforehand paramount. Of course, this is primarily for extended hires. I don’t know how or if this would apply to appointments that are only a few hours or less. 

[Archangel]

15 hours ago, nycman said:

I’ve been at plenty of cocktail parties where the "new boyfriend" is obviously a whore

How? 

[+ DrownedBoy]

5 hours ago, Archangel said:

How? 

When the guy is 84 and his guest is 19.

[56harrisond]

1 hour ago, DrownedBoy said:

When the guy is 84 and his guest is 19.

Or it could have been true love (and nothing else!) like this relationship

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[DWnyc]

On 6/17/2024 at 5:58 PM, DrownedBoy said:

When the guy is 84 and his guest is 19.

To be fair 19 in escort years is really 29 … or 31 …. Or …

[DWnyc]

I don’t see why “winning” or having the last word on this topic is important. 

If someone isn’t comfortable with the scenario - so be it.

But take a step back. The whole hobby is problematic whichever way one looks at it - in some jurisdictions legally but almost universally with stigma that can affect social standing, professional relationships etc.  All of us as providers or clients have come to terms with all this in order to be here. So we have evaluated and either managed or decided we don’t care about risks or compromises with our personal codes. 

So why would an obscure subset of all this cause so much angst or the need for acknowledgement of one’s personal stance?

[LookingAround]

On 6/16/2024 at 1:37 PM, ICTJOCK said:

Here's really the answer and this is the last post on will make on this matter.    We all have our different perceptions of what is appropriate and what isn't given the circumstances.   We are of different ages,  education levels,  have different focuses as to objectives and live in different areas.    I'm an educated,  professional,  I have 3 degrees,  including a professional degree  (and job)  which necessitates  my compliance to a code of ethics.   Those ethics are important  to who I am.    I escort as a very involved side venture and I'm comfortable doing what I do as an escort.    That doesn't mean that others should do as I do or anyone here shouldn't do as they want.    I was relating an experience and views I have and how I approach this intriguing side gig.

Can you show me a citation for a code of ethics for being an escort?

I think rule number one to be an escort is to actually escort the person to an event they ask you to escort them to. Otherwise you’re merely a sex worker plain and simple no matter how you try to tap dance around it. 

[BSR]

34 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

Can you show me a citation for a code of ethics for being an escort?

I think rule number one to be an escort is to actually escort the person to an event they ask you to escort them to. Otherwise you’re merely a sex worker plain and simple no matter how you try to tap dance around it. 

Yes, the job of an escort is to escort someone, i.e., to keep them company.  Usually that means in bed but it can also mean going out to dinner, going to a museum, seeing a Broadway show, windsurfing, a zillion possibilities.

What the prospective client is asking @ICTJOCK adds a significant level of complication:  to tell and maintain a lie.  Keeping someone company while walking through Central Park, even holding hands, does not require any dishonesty.  Passers-by might draw their own conclusions about your PDA, but that's on them.

But going to a party or whatever "social setting" together and pretending to be a couple does require the escort's participation in dishonesty.  The escort & client have to set their story straight in anticipation of questions:  how did you meet? who made the first move? how long have you been dating? what's your favorite bar, café, restaurant? have you met (client's best friend) Johnny? isn't he hilarious? and so on. 

That's not keeping someone company; that is asking someone to lie and keep lying.  Even if you agree that the client will answer all inquiries, the escort still has to smile and nod and maintain his "yup, it's all true" face. 

Personally, I could never do it.  I'd be so nervous about getting tripped up in a lie that I'd inevitably mess up.  If ICTJOCK felt uncomfortable with the deception, then he made the right decision to decline.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

22 hours ago, DWnyc said:

The whole hobby is problematic whichever way one looks at it - in some jurisdictions legally but almost universally with stigma that can affect social standing, professional relationships etc.

Now that we’ve had at least one president who paid hush money to a sex worker, perhaps we can dispense with this stigma. Barney Frank had an entire rent boy scandal that barely cost him anything. He’s rich and welcome in “polite” society. 

I don’t think any provider should engage in a gig where they’re uncomfortable but the request is fine. 

From the client perspective, I think hiring someone you’d seen a few times at least would be better. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

19 hours ago, LookingAround said:

Can you show me a citation for a code of ethics for being an escort?

I think rule number one to be an escort is to actually escort the person to an event they ask you to escort them to. Otherwise you’re merely a sex worker plain and simple no matter how you try to tap dance around it. 

The OP said he has another career that has a code of ethics, not that escorting does. 

That said, no one is owed another person’s labor or complicity in subterfuge. A lot of professionals use their discretion in who and what they will work on. I certainly do. 

I will no longer attend conferences held in states that have passed anti-queer legislation or outlawed abortion. Nor will I spend my dollars there by vacationing in them. Other people feel differently and that’s fine. 

[coriolis888]

On 6/16/2024 at 10:37 AM, ICTJOCK said:

I'm an educated,  professional,  I have 3 degrees,  including a professional degree  (and job)  which necessitates  my compliance to a code of ethics.   Those ethics are important  to who I am.    I escort as a very involved side venture and I'm comfortable doing what I do as an escort.    

Certainly unusual.  Escorts/sex workers are great people but our bigoted society makes sex work unlawful.  Considering your accomplishments, it seems you are taking a big risk in your side line work.  

[LookingAround]

I think we can all agree that if anyone is personally opposed to doing this based upon their own moral code, they should decline the assignment. But applying a code of ethics from one profession (say law or psychology) to escorting isn't appropriate. Doing that, probably being an escort isn't appropriate in general (I mean, what's the moral turpitude clause in the bar code of ethics?)

I was more reacting to a feeling of haughtiness and "holier than thou" feeling I got from the poster that it was simply wrong to do. Maybe that's just me but that's what I was reacting to. 

[Peter Eater]

On 6/16/2024 at 6:36 PM, nycman said:

the aging queen who wears too much makeup

How much makeup is too much makeup? Inquiring minds…

[Peter Eater]

On 6/21/2024 at 5:19 PM, BSR said:

could never do it.  I'd be so nervous about getting tripped up in a lie that I'd inevitably mess up.  If ICTJOCK felt uncomfortable with the deception, then he made the right decision to decline.

He said he wouldn’t, not that he couldn’t. There’s a difference between a moral code and a skill level.

[+ nycman]

6 hours ago, Peter Eater said:

How much makeup is too much makeup? Inquiring minds…

If I can clock it, it’s too much (for me).

Live and let live.

If you want to paint yourself up like a faded clown who stayed with the circus too long….more power to ya!

[rvwnsd]

Moderator's Note: Interesting how we keep veering off the pitfalls of pretending to be someone's longtime partner and into dissecting the OP's replies and commenting on his word choices and the word choices of other posters. Members have tried getting the thread back on track, but others keep driving it into the ditch. 

If you don't have anything to say about the topic (pretending to be a guy's longtime partner) then don't say anything. 

Actively searching for that pizza delivery menu. 

 

[+ APPLE1]

Service providers, regardless if they are escorts, sex workers, or any other provider, get to decide the exact level of services they provide, where they provide them, and any fantasies they will indulge.

I don't get to dictate that a provider must walk up the block introducing himself to the neighbors as my BF and then sit 1/2 naked on the porch with his tongue in my mouth. Likewise, I don't get to dictate that my lawn guy hand trim around 50 gnomes so he doesn't chip the paint.

I am glad when any provider tells me what he doesn't do, or doesn't like to do. It allows me to find a provider who does, and it likely guarantees me a better experience with another.

And I have said this before: quit explaining WHY you can't do something. It's unnecessary and  an open invitation for others to criticize your life choices.

Edited Monday at 08:35 AM by APPLE1

[DWnyc]

On 6/22/2024 at 6:02 PM, coriolis888 said:

Certainly unusual.  Escorts/sex workers are great people but our bigoted society makes sex work unlawful.  Considering your accomplishments, it seems you are taking a big risk in your side line work.  

I’ve met several providers who are very well qualified in LinkedIn terms. Or on their way to getting there and providing is a means to that. But that experience and education doesn’t always pay the bills let alone deliver a lifestyle that is totally appropriate to seek.

Ive also seen several posts on RM etc which include mention of something like “‘I’m educated with a lot of interests and a great conversationalist … I’m an excellent date for your corporate event or family function …” and I doubt they imply they would blurt out at a family gathering the specifics of how they know you if you engaged them for that time. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

14 hours ago, APPLE1 said:

I am glad when any provider tells me what he doesn't do, or doesn't like to do. It allows me to find a provider who does, and it likely guarantees me a better experience with another.