Why is There So Much Snarkiness Here?

[FaustOust]

I will preface my comment with the fact that I am new to this forum and what I have read in my short time here might not be representative of the dialogue that has happened historically.  However, it seems to me, although not from everyone, that there is a fair number of providers complaining about clients or would-be clients and a fair amount of clients complaining about providers, even if they never hired the individual, and sometimes appearing rather mean to an outsider. Sometimes otherwise helpful advice is delivered in a tone that suggests chastisement and sarcasm. I sense ancient feuds, obscured sensitivities, and unhealed wounds; it appears that people in the forums are triggered by a history unknown to me. Maybe I am just naive to think that we should be a community of gay men who can treat each other with dignity and respect, regardless of what our differences may be. At the risk of inviting snark to come out of the woodwork with this post, can’t we all just get along?

[Becket]

Anonymity combined with frustration. It happens on many sites where the poster can hide behind his computer. 

Maybe mama didn't raise us right.

Then again, many of us become downright charming after meeting that special gentle someone who nails our ass to the headboard. (Or so I've heard.)

And as for me, I'll apologize in advance. I can be quite the snark myself. I'm working on being more polite, but it's tortuous. 

[Muscleking]

47 minutes ago, FaustOust said:

I will preface my comment with the fact that I am new to this forum and what I have read in my short time here might not be representative of the dialogue that has happened historically.  However, it seems to me, although not from everyone, that there is a fair number of providers complaining about clients or would-be clients and a fair amount of clients complaining about providers, even if they never hired the individual, and sometimes appearing rather mean to an outsider. Sometimes otherwise helpful advice is delivered in a tone that suggests chastisement and sarcasm. I sense ancient feuds, obscured sensitivities, and unhealed wounds; it appears that people in the forums are triggered by a history unknown to me. Maybe I am just naive to think that we should be a community of gay men who can treat each other with dignity and respect, regardless of what our differences may be. At the risk of inviting snark to come out of the woodwork with this post, can’t we all just get along?

Because it’s the nature of the beast, so many guys here think their opinions are the only opinions that matter, they think they can control what escorts and masseurs should charge for their services,  they try and ruin providers business by posting negative statements about guys most of them won’t even hire. encouraging others not to hire guys simply because they had a bad experience, most of which will never Include what they did wrong to receive bad service. 

I myself have gotten a little snarky at times but only when someone thinks their opinion is law. But I never come on here bashing guys that I’ve hired because I’m well aware what may not have been good for me maybe good to someone else.. I also don’t usually have bad experiences with guys I’ve hired because i always treat them with respect and pay them well.

[Stormy]

There’s one thing I  can’t stand is snobbery and one upmanship. People pretending to be superior makes it so much harder for those of us who really are 

[+ José Soplanucas]

2 hours ago, FaustOust said:

I sense ancient feuds, obscured sensitivities, and unhealed wounds; it appears that people in the forums are triggered by a history unknown to me.

C'mon, I am adorable!

[BuffaloKyle]

[Xavitv]

It’s all sexual tension 

[maninsoma]

1. It's an internet forum.  Except those that are heavily moderated, most online forums have posters who love to be nasty to other people.  Whether they are just nasty people 24/7 or just get a kick out of ruffling others' feathers, I don't know.

2. If you just drop in on some threads here and don't know the history of the posters, you might wonder why people are responding to each other with a high level of sarcasm.  If you stick around long enough, though, some of the overt hostility begins to make sense even though I personally think it makes sense to just ignore people one finds ridiculous. 

[pubic_assistance]

Online forums allow for a more raw unfiltered opinion. There's a lot of frustration on both sides about poor service / fake profiles and overly demanding clients. So not necessarily being "mean" as much as being honest about their hurt feelings.

[CuriousByNature]

For me, its important to not let other's communication styles affect how I would prefer to communicate.  At times I have allowed myself to get dragged into pointless back-and-forths, where no matter how objective I think I am being, the other person continues to provoke, and provoke, and provoke.  It wasn't until this forum that I learned about new terms like, 'baiting', 'trolls', and 'don't feed the trolls'.  My advice, for what it's worth, is to be be respectfully open to other opinions, but know the ground you stand on, and never feel like you need to get in the last word.  And enjoy the many, many posts that are informative, interesting, amusing and eye-opening.  As hard as it can be to do, I think it helps to always lead with kindness.

 

[TonyDown]

16 hours ago, FaustOust said:

I will preface my comment with the fact that I am new to this forum and what I have read in my short time here might not be representative of the dialogue that has happened historically.  However, it seems to me, although not from everyone, that there is a fair number of providers complaining about clients or would-be clients and a fair amount of clients complaining about providers, even if they never hired the individual, and sometimes appearing rather mean to an outsider. Sometimes otherwise helpful advice is delivered in a tone that suggests chastisement and sarcasm. I sense ancient feuds, obscured sensitivities, and unhealed wounds; it appears that people in the forums are triggered by a history unknown to me. Maybe I am just naive to think that we should be a community of gay men who can treat each other with dignity and respect, regardless of what our differences may be. At the risk of inviting snark to come out of the woodwork with this post, can’t we all just get along?

One factor might be how members promote snarky banter by responding to it.

If I don't care for their demeanor I may not engage.

But "you do you" is OK by me.  Knock yourself out you snarky ones.

[KrisParr]

It could be so much worse. The moderators do an amazing job of keeping us in line.  Smarminess and a little snarkiness are simply part of gay DNA, or so I’ve been told.

[marylander1940]

20 hours ago, FaustOust said:

I will preface my comment with the fact that I am new to this forum and what I have read in my short time here might not be representative of the dialogue that has happened historically.  However, it seems to me, although not from everyone, that there is a fair number of providers complaining about clients or would-be clients and a fair amount of clients complaining about providers, even if they never hired the individual, and sometimes appearing rather mean to an outsider. Sometimes otherwise helpful advice is delivered in a tone that suggests chastisement and sarcasm. I sense ancient feuds, obscured sensitivities, and unhealed wounds; it appears that people in the forums are triggered by a history unknown to me. Maybe I am just naive to think that we should be a community of gay men who can treat each other with dignity and respect, regardless of what our differences may be. At the risk of inviting snark to come out of the woodwork with this post, can’t we all just get along?

Just for the record referring to providers as whores and hookers and talking about them as if they were criminals is a new thing and wasn't allowed before.

Also, it's easy to judge how others look in an online forum where you can pretend to be whatever you want. 

Edited June 14 by marylander1940

[+ azdr0710]

gee, you must be new around here!

don't take it so seriously!!.....well-placed snark is healthy and intelligent......if it does "cross the line", the savvy moderators here know what to do.......

 

Edited June 15 by azdr0710

[+ MysticMenace]

This really just applies to other folks on this forum, it's never me. I live and embrace the life knowing that I am nice, and smart, and important. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I think you guys have covered the 'why' brilliantly already.

I'll just offer that this incarnation of 'the board' is INCREDIBLY tame in comparison to the Hooboy days.

Even Daddy's board was more combative/bitchy/witty on a daily basis.

 

Imagine being doxxed with someone posting your driver's license.  Yep, it happened during Hooboy's run.

I'm sure others here remember their own favorite (insane) stories, but it really felt like the wild west at times.

You truly never knew what someone was going to post.  And that made it exciting...  And scary.

 

Edited June 14 by BenjaminNicholas

[+ DrownedBoy]

We're a bunch of horny gay men discussing who to hire next. Most of us are from the States, where escorting laws are archaic and society had this hang-up about sex work.

Being in that situation will make anyone snarky when talking about their hobby.

[liubit]

On 6/15/2024 at 7:52 AM, BenjaminNicholas said:

I'll just offer that this incarnation of 'the board' is INCREDIBLY tame in comparison to the Hooboy days.

Oh, yes, you are absolutely right, Ben. An example would be Fin Fang Foom and his incredibly sarcastic dissections of many posts. I admit that I enjoyed reading them, but I would have been terrified had he done it to one of mine. I wonder what became of him. The memories…

Edited June 16 by liubit

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

7 minutes ago, liubit said:

Oh, yes, you are absolutely right, Ben. An example would be Fin Fang Foom and his incredibly sarcastic dissections of many posts. I admit that I enjoyed reading them, but I would have been terrified had he done it to one of mine. I wonder what became of him. The memories…

I kinda miss FFF. 

He had some great posts at my expense, which I loved.

[+ nycman]

39 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

I kinda miss FFF. 

He had some great posts at my expense, which I loved.

Dude, in part he made you the MAN you are today.

And I love him for it. 

[Deadlift1]

Many of the offenders left during pandemic and never came back. The grammar police were so annoying. They were know it alls like NYCman and Unicorn.  Unicorn.was a very good source of information and an intolerable bragger. He must of left because I know longer see him on here.

[Monarchy79]

These forums have actually toned down, since political topics have been officially banned. 

However, such a platform will never be “snark free.”

People in general love being smart assed, sarcastic jerks from time to time. 
Some people do it because of their false sense of intellectual superiority.

Some behave this way because they are just miserable, repressed people.

Others behave this way because they lack depth and are truly socially inept.

At the end of the day, it’s unavoidable, unless you’re going to avoid people. 
 

 

 

 

[+ JamesB]

IMO it can be attributed to several factors. The anonymity makes people feel emboldened to say things they wouldn't in face-to-face interactions because they can remain anonymous or use pseudonyms. This anonymity reduces the social consequences of rude or snarky behavior. Forums often attract like-minded individuals who reinforce each other’s opinions. This can lead to a sense of superiority and dismissiveness towards outsiders or differing viewpoints, resulting in snarky comments. Also people often use forums to vent their frustrations about various topics. This venting can come across as snarky, especially when directed at individuals or groups who hold opposing views. The lack of immediate repercussions compared to real-life interactions is also a factor. Users might not see the hurt or anger their comments cause, making it easier to be snarky. Let us not forget the desire for attention. Snarky or provocative comments often attract more attention and responses. For some users, the goal is to stir the pot and generate discussion, even if it means being rude.

[+ José Soplanucas]

1 hour ago, JamesB said:

IMO it can be attributed to several factors. The anonymity makes people feel emboldened to say things they wouldn't in face-to-face interactions because they can remain anonymous or use pseudonyms. This anonymity reduces the social consequences of rude or snarky behavior. Forums often attract like-minded individuals who reinforce each other’s opinions. This can lead to a sense of superiority and dismissiveness towards outsiders or differing viewpoints, resulting in snarky comments. Also people often use forums to vent their frustrations about various topics. This venting can come across as snarky, especially when directed at individuals or groups who hold opposing views. The lack of immediate repercussions compared to real-life interactions is also a factor. Users might not see the hurt or anger their comments cause, making it easier to be snarky. Let us not forget the desire for attention. Snarky or provocative comments often attract more attention and responses. For some users, the goal is to stir the pot and generate discussion, even if it means being rude.

All of that, plus years of clashing and beefing between particular posters.

I will try to do better.

[+ DynamicUno]

42 minutes ago, José Soplanucas said:

All of that, plus years of clashing and beefing between particular posters.

I will try to do better.