Anybody else fall for the men they hire?

[+ nycman]

In the grand tradition….

I feel a song coming on….

 

Edited July 25 by nycman

[wanderlust307]

4 hours ago, Whippoorwill said:

Now, one of them is moving out of state. 

I hope is the older one 🤣

[+ ThroatCummer]

3 hours ago, nycman said:

In the grand tradition….

I feel a song coming on….

I'm kinda shocked that FYC actually recorded another song. LOL. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

13 hours ago, ThroatCummer said:

I'm kinda shocked that FYC actually recorded another song. LOL. 

Yeah. I'm used to that single song that Murphy always played in the morning.  Let's see who gets this reference. 

[Whippoorwill]

Back on the original topic, in a review of the book An Honest Woman, a Memoir of Love and Sex Work, by female sex worker Charlotte Shane, I noted the following quote:  "...suggesting that it’s possible to feel a type of love for a person with whom intimacy is, at its base, a financial transaction — even if you don’t fully understand the extent of those feelings yourself." (Alexis Burling, San Francisco Chronicle, August 11, 2024. 

This struck a note with me...I do love my boys and have occasions where there is some mutuality, at least. But it's a love circumscribed by the financial transaction. And that's OK. I think part of the confusion is that we are limited in English to one word, love. The French, and a number of other cultures, have a greater selection of words to describe different kinds of love. 

[SamRockdale]

On 6/14/2024 at 8:35 PM, JamesB said:

I don't feel comfortable sharing specific details of this relationship, but I’ll give some examples to illustrate the situation. The manipulation started with comments like “I don’t think of you as a client anymore,” “I have very strong feelings for you,” “I only feel safe when I'm with you.”.... And so on.

Regarding the money, every time I hired him, which sometimes was multiple times a week, he was paid his standard rate plus a generous tip. He also spent time with me off the clock, during which we would go out to eat, prepare meals at home, enjoy drinks, and have long conversations. Then the “extra” money requests began. It started with statements like, “It’s been a really slow month, and I'm really worried about my rent.” After injuring his shoulder, he needed help with the deductible, and because it was difficult for him to work, he required assistance with his monthly expenses. Every month, there was a new reason for needing extra money and every time the amounts were higher. When I finally started cutting back on the money, he began mistreating me. The first time I refused a money request for a trip to see his mom, he went ballistic, stormed out of my house, and shouted all kinds of insults that I prefer not to remember. And that, folks, is all she wrote.

I remember my mother telling me that the problem with helping people is that the first time you do it, you generate gratitude. Then you create anticipation and expectation, which turns into entitlement and dependency. Finally, when you stop helping, you receive hatred and resentment. This situation perfectly illustrated her point.

I'm sorry to hear that  You didn't deserve that mistreatment.

[SamRockdale]

On 8/12/2024 at 4:36 PM, Whippoorwill said:

Back on the original topic, in a review of the book An Honest Woman, a Memoir of Love and Sex Work, by female sex worker Charlotte Shane, I noted the following quote:  "...suggesting that it’s possible to feel a type of love for a person with whom intimacy is, at its base, a financial transaction — even if you don’t fully understand the extent of those feelings yourself." (Alexis Burling, San Francisco Chronicle, August 11, 2024. 

This struck a note with me...I do love my boys and have occasions where there is some mutuality, at least. But it's a love circumscribed by the financial transaction. And that's OK. I think part of the confusion is that we are limited in English to one word, love. The French, and a number of other cultures, have a greater selection of words to describe different kinds of love. 

I agree. It's hard to put to words but humans are capable of many forms of love and care. A transaction doesn't negate that, as all human love exists within a web of compounding complexities. 

[PhileasFogg]

I know I'm late to this discussion, but I think an interjection of context might matter.   

"Falling for" is a broad term.   

Context might be appropriate based on Sternberg's Triangular Theory:

 

I suspect that "falling for" in this context starts with infatuation and might evolve to "liking" but rarely evolves to "commitment?"

 

[+ DrownedBoy]

7 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

I suspect that "falling for" in this context starts with infatuation and might evolve to "liking" but rarely evolves to "commitment?"

I also suspect that transactional sex doesn't fit in that triangle, unless there's another point besides "passion." I'm afraid transactional sex doesn't cover "liking" in that sense.

The Greeks had several words for love too. The operative word here is "eros," or entirely erotic. Not agape or philia.

[liubit]

23 hours ago, SamRockdale said:

I remember my mother telling me that the problem with helping people is that the first time you do it, you generate gratitude. Then you create anticipation and expectation, which turns into entitlement and dependency. Finally, when you stop helping, you receive hatred and resentment.

Excellent. 👏👏