Anybody else fall for the men they hire?

[DGHou]

1 hour ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I feel like there's a way to maintain emotional boundaries without comparing people to take out. 

I believe I suggested this earlier but is there a reason you're not pursuing a romantic relationship with someone? I'm in a different situation as I'm married and only hire with my husband, so there's no chance or anyone catching feelings. Our hiring happens inside of our marriage not outside of it. 

But if I were single, perhaps I'd find myself in your situation. However, I love being married and would want that over all the escorts in the world. So perhaps if you were dating someone you'd have those emotional needs met and be less likely to project them onto a provider. 

I have not been dating. In my last relationship I told him and myself if it didn't work out I was not going to try again. It's not worth it. He died in December 2009 and I have been single ever since. Over the past 14 years I have been on a few dates with men my age, a few older and a few younger.  I never felt any physical spark with any of them, even after dating a few several times to see if it would ignite.  No luck   I'd like someone with many of the same life experiences as me. And if there is a great emotional and intellectual connection but not physical on either party I would be fine with him finding sex outside of our partnership. He would have to feel the same way. If we really clicked sex outside would be just that. I would not look for a replacement for him. 

When I have clicked with a couple of guys on a more mental level and they seemed to click with me.  With no sex between us they were quite hurt when they asked how I felt if they found physical satisfaction elsewhere and I said it would be fine.  At 65 all I can do is be honest. That's why I have said that I would have honestly liked the one who left to have honestly set me straight about our arrangement when he knew I was blurring the lines. I think all of this would have been easier on me.

Thanks guys.  I feel like I have monopolized this subject.  I apologize.  I will try to start keeping a lower profile

[+ nycman]

On 6/20/2024 at 10:16 AM, DGHou said:

However, selling widgets to a customer does not involve emotions.  

That all depends on the "widget"…..

[+ purplekow]

7 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I feel like there's a way to maintain emotional boundaries without comparing people to take out. 

I believe I suggested this earlier but is there a reason you're not pursuing a romantic relationship with someone? I'm in a different situation as I'm married and only hire with my husband, so there's no chance or anyone catching feelings. Our hiring happens inside of our marriage not outside of it. 

But if I were single, perhaps I'd find myself in your situation. However, I love being married and would want that over all the escorts in the world. So perhaps if you were dating someone you'd have those emotional needs met and be less likely to project them onto a provider. 

I assume you husband is of the same mind.  Even so, do not be too sure that it can't happen because you are married.  There is an escort of some repute who is now married to the husband of one of his clients. They met as a threesome with the now ex..  

[+ KensingtonHomo]

6 minutes ago, purplekow said:

I assume you husband is of the same mind.  Even so, do not be too sure that it can't happen because you are married.  There is an escort of some repute who is now married to the husband of one of his clients. They met as a threesome with the now ex..  

😂😂😂

One of us would have to be remotely interested in a romance with another person.  We’re not. We hire to spice up our sex life. We have a couple of regulars who we’re friendly with but we don’t even want BFE. 

Honestly, a grown person leaving their partner for an escort is just a selfish immature asshole. 

[DGHou]

2 hours ago, purplekow said:

I assume you husband is of the same mind.  Even so, do not be too sure that it can't happen because you are married.  There is an escort of some repute who is now married to the husband of one of his clients. They met as a threesome with the now ex..  

Yes. I was told by the provider who left that the one he prefers told him he would divorce his husband and marry him so he could stay in the US. After 20 years together and in their 40's perhaps they have tired of each other. But perhaps he doesn't know his husband is thinking this. Although I do find it strange that the one the provider is really hot for came to our city and spent a month with him before they went back to HI

[Andy768]

8 hours ago, DGHou said:

Thanks guys.  I feel like I have monopolized this subject.  I apologize.  I will try to start keeping a lower profile

Thank you for sharing your story and feelings. I appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable in that way. And actually I admire your ability to fall for someone and dream! My stone cold heart wouldn't let me even if I wanted to.

[DGHou]

2 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

😂😂😂

One of us would have to be remotely interested in a romance with another person.  We’re not. We hire to spice up our sex life. We have a couple of regulars who we’re friendly with but we don’t even want BFE. 

Honestly, a grown person leaving their partner for an escort is just a selfish immature asshole. 

They both have side boys so who knows how they feel about each other after 20 years. At 40 & 43 some start to wonder if the relationship is what they want for the rest of their lives.  I know.  I broke up with my partner of 18 years at 41 only because I could not handle all of his baggage any longer

[Decatur Guy]

I have never fallen for an escort beyond an unusual type friendship, and I don't think I ever would. I am pretty good about staying grounded in reality. And the reality is I'm paying big money (to me) to be physically intimate with someone who is willing to put aside our physical disparities for a relatively brief time. Again, that can be the basis of a type of unusual friendship that goes beyond the transactional when things click, but I think that's the full extent of it.

And even that's been rare. Just a few times. It's been strictly business with the rest going on about 15 years now.

All that said, there's a certain hottie in San Francisco who is a moderator on this board, and he is the total package. If I were to slip, he'd be the one. But I'm in Atlanta and he's in SF, so there's that. Even if we were in the same city, it would still be a friends situation at most.

I'm sure he's had a few less emotionally disciplined clients fall head over heels for him though!



 

Edited Thursday at 04:30 AM by Decatur Guy

[James Pouliot]

On 6/14/2024 at 3:35 AM, Rgsnva said:

Just wondering if anybody else does this dumb thing or if it’s just me.  I only started hiring about 3 years ago, but I can see a pattern. (Okay, only twice, but still…). When I hire a man repeatedly because there’s great intimacy (at least from my perspective, I start to lose my grip on the reality and develop feelings.  I misread cues and think there’s a mutual thing developing.  Then the reality has to hit home that I’m not a romantic interest or even a hookup interest and I wouldn’t be there if I wasn’t paying. The man I currently see regularly - he pushes all my buttons physically and emotionally, and I could fall head over heels for him.  But I see him in rooms with guys who are hookups, not clients, and he talks about trips in which he meets someone in a room, they chat and are hot for each other, and travel to meet.  And it has to hit me then that I’m not one of those guys he met because he was attracted to them.  Big blow on both my ego and my heart.  Anybody else? Thoughts? Suggestions? And you don’t need to tell me it’s all my own fault - I already own that.  

That's kind of sweet it shows you have a heart

[+ KensingtonHomo]

10 hours ago, DGHou said:

They both have side boys so who knows how they feel about each other after 20 years. At 40 & 43 some start to wonder if the relationship is what they want for the rest of their lives.  I know.  I broke up with my partner of 18 years at 41 only because I could not handle all of his baggage any longer

This may seem harsh, but I find this to be very emotionally immature. Our lives are supposed to evolve as we age. If they have side pieces and that's their understanding, I have no issue with that. But any relationship that can be so easily disrupted by some younger guy has at least one person who is shallow and emotionally immature. 

When I married, I meant my vows. Sadly, we live in a society that encourages people to see themselves as individuals whose transient emotions are more important than fidelity, vows, and doing the work that a multi-decade relationship requires. 

[Lohengrin1979]

I’ve never fallen in love with a provider but I have fallen into the trap of helping one I thought was a friend. It didn’t end well for either of us, me financially, or him emotionally. I am no one’s meal ticket and he learned it very harshly. Since then, I do not aid providers in any way beyond providing them a fair fee and, for my regulars, a gift or bonus around the holidays. We all have lessons to learn.

i agree with the posters above who commend the gentlemen sharing this particular circumstance and pitfall of our hobby. Thank you for being vulnerable so that others may learn to proceed with caution and with a bit of steel around their hearts.

[Thelatin]

On 6/21/2024 at 2:45 AM, blck37 said:

One of my non-sexual conditions to become my regular is me knowing (i) how his recent ex bf or current bf looks like physically and/ or (ii) the physical traits he would normally go for hook-up. Which 99.9% is far cry from how i look like.

Very true.  I began to notice there isn't anybody who looks like me on his IG

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

This whole thread should is an example of why you should really have some emotional maturity before deciding to hire an escort.

Be in the moment.  Enjoy his company.  Have fun.  Hug, kiss and fuck.  Converse.

But...  After the meet is over, shake it off, go back to reality and plan for the next visit.  

He's a band-aid.  Not a stitch.

 

[+ Lucky]

37 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

This whole thread should is an example of why you should really have some emotional maturity before deciding to hire an escort.

Be in the moment.  Enjoy his company.  Have fun.  Hug, kiss and fuck.  Converse.

But...  After the meet is over, shake it off, go back to reality and plan for the next visit.  

He's a band-aid.  Not a stitch.

 

Good ol' Band- Aid Benjamin knows the score!

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

3 minutes ago, Lucky said:

Good ol' Band- Aid Benjamin knows the score!

Please don't make this a thing.  LOL.  Dear god, no.

[Winterangel]

I’ve never fallen in love because a) I’m not looking for love b) I fully understand the relationship is transactional. Even if the guy is / or seems genuinely into me, I know we are on the clock.

What has happened many times though is that the connection is so mind blowing that it feels like love in the moment. It’s generally when I’m on my back being fucked - after a hard fuck, it then becomes tender and I’ll ask the guy to keep his cock in me and kiss me.  This mimics the feeling of love and when I think of the guy later (sometimes very often) I will feel this emotion as well as be horny.  

Of course, if the guy later does anything unkind this feeling will be forever lost, but I’m lucky to have experienced this more than a few times (along with many disappointments!).

 

[tbuzzsaw]

I'm personally going through some mixed emotions right now with one.

I've hired many in the past, there was always sexual attraction but I've always left it as just a business transaction and nothing more, until this one guy I started seeing. Attractiveness scale he's practically a 10 in my eyes, I was prepared for a good time and that's all she wrote. He told me how much he's into me physically. I always blow this statement off, but our session definitely had something different where it actually felt he meant what he said. There was this primal feeling of someone really into me and I felt appreciated. Then the kicker came at the end, he gave me a discount. Threw me off thinking this is guy is an absolute professional great at making someone feel good or he's actually into me.

Either way it was enough for me to give it a second shot a few weeks later to give it time to cool off. Second session was much better with a longer allotted time, and again, discounted rate. It's really making me think if I'm being manipulated here or he has a genuine attraction to me, either way doing a good job getting me to come back.

It's just two sessions so far but he's gotten his hooks in me. He's very attractive outside and inside from just the two times we seen each other but I'm planning on a few more sessions testing the waters being cautious, hoping my heart isn't being played but it's certainly being rattled. I'm just waiting for something to be said that would confirm one way or the other.

Edited 7 hours ago by tbuzzsaw

[liubit]

I have been very actively hiring for 30+ years and I have managed to keep a clear head all along, never developing feelings for providers, other than friendship with some regulars. I am passionate when he is here, and cool off as he walks out my door. I fall in love one boy at a time, one session at a time.

[Andy768]

2 hours ago, tbuzzsaw said:

I'm personally going through some mixed emotions right now with one.

I've hired many in the past, there was always sexual attraction but I've always left it as just a business transaction and nothing more, until this one guy I started seeing. Attractiveness scale he's practically a 10 in my eyes, I was prepared for a good time and that's all she wrote. He told me how much he's into me physically. I always blow this statement off, but our session definitely had something different where it actually felt he meant what he said. There was this primal feeling of someone really into me and I felt appreciated. Then the kicker came at the end, he gave me a discount. Threw me off thinking this is guy is an absolute professional great at making someone feel good or he's actually into me.

Either way it was enough for me to give it a second shot a few weeks later to give it time to cool off. Second session was much better with a longer allotted time, and again, discounted rate. It's really making me think if I'm being manipulated here or he has a genuine attraction to me, either way doing a good job getting me to come back.

It's just two sessions so far but he's gotten his hooks in me. He's very attractive outside and inside from just the two times we seen each other but I'm planning on a few more sessions testing the waters being cautious, hoping my heart isn't being played but it's certainly being rattled. I'm just waiting for something to be said that would confirm one way or the other.