411Reviews Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 (edited) I hired a Czech/Slovak famous porn actor as an escort and we really just got along well. It turned into a sugar daddy relationship and I have been supporting him for the last six months. We have formed a real connection and friendship. However I’m worried about where this is going, despite seven months of great times. I am paying his bills, and it’s starting to move from me being in charge, to him wanting to be treated as an equal (which I’ve been trying to do). But that’s proving very difficult to navigate. I see him as a very good, and caring friend. Better than some friends I’ve know my whole life. He’s the only one I don’t have to pretend around, and I am for him too. A lot of his friends and family don’t know about his work and he can be honest with me. Everything we discuss stays between us. I don’t know if I should tell him this needs to be more of a professional relationship, or just go where this relationship/friendship takes us. While the last six months have been great and both parties have been satisfied, I feel that it’s starting to slip into unfair territory. Where I have paid a lot of money, and he’s treating our sexual activity as a chore and a favor. I’m not sure what to do. I can’t exactly go do research on an arrangement like this because they don’t exist! I recognize this is extremely unique, and perhaps I’m too emotionally immature to be able to handle this. Edited July 2 by 411Reviews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thelatin Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 3 minutes ago, 411Reviews said: he’s treating our sexual activity as a chore and a favor. I’m not sure what to do. Yep, this is what happens. He's having sex with his friends, and you just slowly pay more and more hoping it's going somewhere. Very slim chance this turns out in such a way that you aren't heart broken. Sorry. + JamesB, liubit, + nycman and 13 others 3 11 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
411Reviews Posted July 2 Author Share Posted July 2 Just now, Thelatin said: Yep, this is what happens. He's having sex with his friends, and you just slowly pay more and more hoping it's going somewhere. Very slim chance this turns out in such a way that you aren't heart broken. Sorry. No, he’s actually very open about his sexual activity. He also has made it clear that he doesn’t view me as a sexual attraction, and has not lead me on at all. If there’s anything I must give him credit for is he’s been extremely honest, and not misleading at all. I don’t “love” him in that way. I care about him like a buddy who you went through war with. I do care about him. I do care about his family who he’s told me all about and I’ve verified everything he said is true. Nothing he’s done has been manipulative or misleading. In fact he’s has many opportunities to steal a lot of money from me that would be life changing for him, and he never has. I just feel like the dynamics of this relationship are changing. That’s life, relationships change. On our next trip together I would like to lay down that if he wants me to continue doing this, I expect X Y and Z. But I’m not sure if thats cruel, unfair, or I’m in the wrong. Any and all advice is appreciated as this is a totally uncharted territory. Deadlift1 and musclestuduws 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanderlust307 Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 Me thinks this site needs a resident in-house therapist. 🤣 MscleLovr, + Drew Collins, pubic_assistance and 8 others 4 3 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
56harrisond Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 2 minutes ago, 411Reviews said: He also has made it clear that he doesn’t view me as a sexual attraction How thoughtful of him lol marylander1940, + DrownedBoy, + nycman and 9 others 1 1 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
411Reviews Posted July 2 Author Share Posted July 2 Just now, wanderlust307 said: Me thinks this site needs a resident in-house therapist. 🤣 🤷♂️Where else do I turn to talk about this? I can’t exactly ask my mom for advice on this. Men on here have experience with this subject. euwc, Johnrom and BonVivant 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanderlust307 Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 8 minutes ago, 411Reviews said: 🤷♂️Where else do I turn to talk about this? I can’t exactly ask my mom for advice on this. Men on here have experience with this subject. My comment was humorous and certainly not ill intentioned. My top advice is don't give him another opportunity to steal. euwc, Redwine56, pubic_assistance and 4 others 2 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Solution marylander1940 Posted July 2 Solution Share Posted July 2 31 minutes ago, 411Reviews said: I hired a Czech/Slovak famous porn actor as an escort and we really just got along well. It turned into a sugar daddy relationship and I have been supporting him for the last six months. We have formed a real connection and friendship. However I’m worried about where this is going, despite seven months of great times. I am paying his bills, and it’s starting to move from me being in charge, to him wanting to be treated as an equal (which I’ve been trying to do). But that’s proving very difficult to navigate. I see him as a very good, and caring friend. Better than some friends I’ve know my whole life. He’s the only one I don’t have to pretend around, and I am for him too. A lot of his friends and family don’t know about his work and he can be honest with me. Everything we discuss stays between us. I don’t know if I should tell him this needs to be more of a professional relationship, or just go where this relationship/friendship takes us. While the last six months have been great and both parties have been satisfied, I feel that it’s starting to slip into unfair territory. Where I have paid a lot of money, and he’s treating our sexual activity as a chore and a favor. I’m not sure what to do. I can’t exactly go do research on an arrangement like this because they don’t exist! I recognize this is extremely unique, and perhaps I’m too emotionally immature to be able to handle this. There should be always a clear "quid pro quo" in that kind of relationship. How often do you guys have sex? Just curious. There were times in my life when I hired the same guy weekly and once a month I took him to Costco and pay for his groceries. I don't think I was his sugar daddy but it was pretty close and at least the limits were clear. Besides his rent, what else do you pay for him? pubic_assistance 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marylander1940 Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 17 minutes ago, wanderlust307 said: Me thinks this site needs a resident in-house therapist. 🤣 Agreed and I get the joke but: 18 minutes ago, 411Reviews said: 🤷♂️Where else do I turn to talk about this? I can’t exactly ask my mom for advice on this. Men on here have experience with this subject. Don't worry, we understand you! Nothing wrong with what you posted, many of us wish having a kept man, some have spent hours each day surfing seeking arrangement success trying to find an affordable guy. 411Reviews and pubic_assistance 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanderlust307 Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 2 minutes ago, marylander1940 said: Agreed and I get the joke but: Oh yes, I agree, 100%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
411Reviews Posted July 2 Author Share Posted July 2 (edited) 15 minutes ago, marylander1940 said: There should be always a clear "quid pro quo" in that kind of relationship. How often do you guys have sex? Just curious. There were times in my life when I hired the same guy weekly and once a month I took him to Costco and pay for his groceries. I don't think I was his sugar daddy but it was pretty close and at least the limits were clear. Besides his rent, what else do you pay for him? I agree with you. There should be a clear definition of what’s expected from each side. But how can I do this? He lives in Europe I live in the US. We haven’t been apart for more than three weeks. I have considered relocating or him relocating. But he wants to be close to his family. Family is a very strong thing in that part of Europe. When we’re together, we have some kind of sexual activity every day. These are two or three week trips. On our last trip he started acting differently the third week. I think he was getting frustrated, and not feeing happy with the arrangement. It’s very hard to gauge since he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings and emotions, and English isn’t his first language. We are very good friends and nobody is that good of an actor. So far I have given him an allowance of about $2500 a month. He pays rent, bills, etc… He has certainly earned every dollar of that. He’s been more than generous and tried to be as fair as possible with me. He’s never tried to take advantage of this situation. He deserves credit for being honest, loyal, and discreet. In my opinion I think I do need to lay down the terms of this agreement more firmly. But to include what and how? My thinking is to tell him we can continue to do a “pay per meeting” or I will give him an allowance based on things I need/want. If that’s not okay with him, I will have to break it off. I don’t see what else we can do. However this ends, I am/was lucky to have had this relationship with one of the most beautiful men both inside and out in the world. We have formed a really special friendship and I believe we will remain friends after this is over given the connection and closeness in age. Edited July 2 by 411Reviews marylander1940 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanderlust307 Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 I want to be helpful: You don't know him, you don't have a really special friendship, you are not friends, and you'll never see him again once you stop paying him. Sorry for being harsh but as I said, I want to help. BonVivant, illhelpya, + nycman and 11 others 1 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
411Reviews Posted July 2 Author Share Posted July 2 4 minutes ago, wanderlust307 said: I want to be helpful: You don't know him, you don't have a really special friendship, you are not friends, and you'll never see him again once you stop paying him. Sorry for being harsh but as I said, I want to help. Yeah… I get it that’s how these arrangements usually work out. For whatever reason we have formed a real connection. You can’t fake the friendship we have, and you can’t fake the things we share with each other. It’s hard for others to understand, or even really explain. Life is very strange… I have spoken to him every day since we started this relationship. I’ve divulged some very private things that he could use to blackmail me. He’s divulged some very personal things to me about him that I could blackmail him with. We’re closer in age with a lot of the same things going on in our lives. I’m younger than what I’m guessing is the average age here. So it was certainly easier for him to bond with my sense of humor, relate to the same struggles etc… I’m not that naive and nobody is this good of an actor. (Plus I’ve seen the “acting” part in his videos and it’s not great 😅) pubic_assistance and Johnrom 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euwc Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 Can’t give you advice besides just enjoy while it lasts. It seems you and him have a type of relationship with inequalities and ‘normal’ relationships can end too when you grow apart or the differences too big to bridge. 37 minutes ago, 411Reviews said: (Plus I’ve seen the “acting” part in his videos and it’s not great 😅) Guessing he’s done porn where acting is never appreciated. And ofcourse the inevitable question which BA-star have you stopped in his career? . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
411Reviews Posted July 2 Author Share Posted July 2 (edited) 13 minutes ago, euwc said: Can’t give you advice besides just enjoy while it lasts. It seems you and him have a type of relationship with inequalities and ‘normal’ relationships can end too when you grow apart or the differences too big to bridge. Guessing he’s done porn where acting is never appreciated. And ofcourse the inevitable question which BA-star have you stopped in his career? . 👀…No comment. Let me be clear: there isn’t a feeling of inequality in the relationship yet. There’s definitely a feeling of it going down that path. I’m very curious to see how he treats me in this upcoming trip. Edited July 2 by 411Reviews euwc 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mron Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 2 hours ago, 411Reviews said: I just feel like the dynamics of this relationship are changing. That’s life, relationships change. On our next trip together I would like to lay down that if he wants me to continue doing this, I expect X Y and Z. But I’m not sure if thats cruel, unfair, or I’m in the wrong. Any and all advice is appreciated as this is a totally uncharted territory. What are you looking for from him? That is, what is your "X Y and Z"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreakNik85 Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 Honestly man finding this site was the best thing I feel happened to me recently. Listen to me well I was where you was recently. I wasn’t really a sugar daddy but I was doing for a provider that I saw constantly what I would for a best friend or family member. I have to say it’s so much I regret and money lost because I fell into that mental trap that we were close or I was more than just a client. This is a business to these guys nothing more. I got so wrapped into one provider that my heart was crushed when reality finally hit. Just protect your heart and mental space for sure!!! Don’t be foolish like I was not saying everyone is bad people at all but these guys are good at what they do and majority aren’t intentionally out to play with someone’s head they lay the cards on the table from the very beginning on what’s what. Njguy2, + Pensant, Massageguy99 and 3 others 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
411Reviews Posted July 2 Author Share Posted July 2 Just now, FreakNik85 said: Honestly man finding this site was the best thing I feel happened to me recently. Listen to me well I was where you was recently. I wasn’t really a sugar daddy but I was doing for a provider that I saw constantly what I would for a best friend or family member. I have to say it’s so much I regret and money lost because I fell into that mental trap that we were close or I was more than just a client. This is a business to these guys nothing more. I got so wrapped into one provider that my heart was crushed when reality finally hit. Just protect your heart and mental space for sure!!! Don’t be foolish like I was not saying everyone is bad people at all but these guys are good at what they do and majority aren’t intentionally out to play with someone’s head they lay the cards on the table from the very beginning on what’s what. Just for the record, he isn’t an escort normally or a sugar baby. I convinced him to meet through an online chat room. He’s never escorted or been a SB before. I think this post was more of a vent. I’ll get to the bottom of this at the end of this trip. As of now I feel that it’s been a very fair and honest trade but has the potential for me to get deeper and deeper with nothing being given back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thelatin Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 2 hours ago, 411Reviews said: So far I have given him an allowance of about $2500 a month. Could he be worried about when this ends? If you leave or get sick? Does he have a retirement account? I’ve known some providers who as they age go “oh shit” - I’m 30, don’t want to rely on someone else, haven’t saved, have no resume to even apply for work etc. I think the idea of being “kept” becomes less attractive as people age. pubic_assistance 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 I think short-term couples counseling has merit. You get an independent but trained opinion. pubic_assistance 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SouthOfTheBorder Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 3 hours ago, 411Reviews said: So far I have given him an allowance of about $2500 a month. $2500 with no taxes monthly is a lot of money in Czeck Republic. For a part-time arrangement, the provider should be thrilled. Your story indicates otherwise, which is the reason to get out while you can. the only way these things can ever work is for specific periods of time & an agreed payment for a set of services. blurring the lines creates ambiguity, obligations where none exist & eventual resentment. lots of red flags - but you already know that. FreakNik85, + Pensant, + DrownedBoy and 3 others 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pubic_assistance Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 9 hours ago, 411Reviews said: I have paid a lot of money, and he’s treating our sexual activity as a chore. Because it IS. You're paying him. There's nothing unfair about reality. It is what it is. He's an escort / you're the the customer / he's doing a good job making you feel wanted. That's how it works. If you can't handle the feelings of a paid relationship then YES you may be to immature to be continuing down this road. wanderlust307, + jeezopete and + nycman 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie21 Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 Stop paying him. See what happens. illhelpya, pubic_assistance, + jeezopete and 7 others 2 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
411Reviews Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 (edited) I’m not gonna go back and forth with people in this thread as it’s a very very specific and odd arrangement. But I do want to say a few things: first he was never an escort, or a sugar baby in his life. I convinced him to meet up with me from an adult chatroom (after talking for a year). It’s a very unique and odd situation that has unraveled into this. Truth be told, I created this whole situation including the sugar baby aspect. He doesn’t even like it when I use the words “sugar baby.” Without doxing, I am 37 he is 28. It’s not the same arrangements as you’d find traditionally on this website. That doesn’t mean people’s comments are wrong, I just want to put everything into context. How many of you know your escorts parent’s names? Their parent’s birthdays? Their siblings names? Their birthdays? Where they grew up? His parents home address? (Which I’ve verified independently) The details he’s revealed to me about his life would never ever be revealed in a “traditional” arrangement. This post more or less turned into a rant. Take from all that what you want. He’s not a “professional” because he’s never been involved in this type of industry and he’s not “working” me. And by the way we’ve discussed not paying him while on trips at his behest as he thought it was unfair for me to be paying for the trips and paying him. There were opportunities he had to leave a trip early, and still be paid that he rejected. There’s certainly a level of serious friendship which can occur in these types of arrangements. In fact typing it all out has given me more clarity that there is a real friendship here. He doesn’t have the time to go on vacation as much as I can afford, and pay bills too. It’s just not realistic for him. Also $2500 a month is a lot of money for that “region,” that’s true. However it’s average/low, and just enough to pay bills if you live in a big city in that ”region.” This thread has run its course and it’s been cathartic. I think the bottom line is things need to be more defined between us. I need to say very sternly whose role is what if I want to continue this. I need to sit him down and have a discussion with him for both of our sakes so nobody feels taken advantage of or resentment. I also don’t want to spoil our friendship. That’s all… Edited July 3 by 411Reviews Johnrom 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
illhelpya Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 15 hours ago, 411Reviews said: I don’t “love” him in that way. I care about him like a buddy who you went through war with. I do care about him. I do care about his family who he’s told me all about and I’ve verified everything he said is true. From reading all your posts it doesn't sound like it. You have feelings for this guy, even though you say you don't love him, and in an arrangement it never ends up well for the sugar daddy. You'll end up with a broken heart and a lot less money. If the money stops, the "friendship" will end. 99% certain of this. pubic_assistance, musclestuduws, starman05 and 4 others 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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