Escort Turned Sugar Daddy Relationship

[411Reviews]

3 minutes ago, illhelpya said:

From reading all your posts it doesn't sound like it. You have feelings for this guy, even though you say you don't love him, and in an arrangement it never ends up well for the sugar daddy. You'll end up with a broken heart and a lot less money.

If the money stops, the "friendship" will end. 99% certain of this.

Yeah maybe I will end up that way… or maybe things will continue in this realm that we’re both enjoying. I can ruin a relationship I’m enjoying at the moment. I won’t live my life in fear and I’ll take a chance. 
 

Nothing will go wrong if I sit him down and define what everybody’s role is.
 

 

[FreakNik85]

1 hour ago, illhelpya said:

From reading all your posts it doesn't sound like it. You have feelings for this guy, even though you say you don't love him, and in an arrangement it never ends up well for the sugar daddy. You'll end up with a broken heart and a lot less money.

If the money stops, the "friendship" will end. 99% certain of this.

Sad but true I just dealt with a similar experience. It’ll hurt like hell at the end but it’ll be a lesson learned. 

[pubic_assistance]

3 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

I'm not gonna go back and forth with people in this thread as it’s a very very specific and odd arrangement.

You're telling yourself that, but it's not.

 

[SouthOfTheBorder]

8 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Stop paying him. See what happens. 

exactly - every time I hear a story about a provider/client friendship that transcends the paid arrangement, this is the correct answer

when the money stops, the relationship stops 

Remembering providers are delivering paid services is the key to keeping things in perspective & realistic.  I’ve had a few providers try to establish a relationship outside of paid dates - I don’t do it because maintaining my boundaries is how I go into the situation. No texting or contact other than to schedule an appointment. 

while vast majority of guys are professional - there are a few that will seek to manipulate the vulnerable. 

I think this is a learning experience for the OP more than anything else. 

[snowglobe11]

Have you asked him directly what’s bothering him as of late? As you’ve said he never was an escort before this, and that might have had caused some confusion on his part. Does he feel any regret, or shame in your arrangement? Or even fear that you might cut him loose at anytime? These types of emotions might lead him to be more withdrawn from you.

Yes it’s true that both of you have your needs and wants in this arrangement, but you talking to him and outlining that you want x from him and that he should give y and quantifying everything might do more harm than good, since he might take it as you putting a price tag on him and treating your friendship as purely transactional.
 

I do have a very similar experience with this. I’ve been friends with a some Czech/Slovak guys. One of which, a retired porn star and ex escort. We travel together constantly, though he does not ask me for payment or monthly support, just the plane ticket, room and food. He also buys me gifts whenever we meet. I’ve also come to know him more in a personal level, like where he lives, what his parents and siblings does for a living and their hometown address. We are also close in age (27 and 30), we go to the gym together almost everyday when on holiday, and generally act like best friends.

I’ve also been really close with another Czech guy 28 y/o. I would sometimes tag along with him and his girlfriend during their vacation, as I am pretty close with both. But now that they have broken up, he has invited me to go on a trip with him, just the two of us and he said that he would pay for everything. So basically what I’m saying is it is possible to have a friendship with these guys, but be sure to always protect your heart. At the end of the day the most that you can be with them is a good friend. 

[BaronArtz]

First of all, let me say that I hope that you and your Czech porn actor friend work things out and manage to develop a satisfying relationship.

I am, however, pessimistic.  Sugar daddy relationships are  inherently complicated and rarely end up well.  Long distance re;lationships are even harder.  My understanding is that you are in the US and he is in Czech Republic, right?  While the cost of living in Czech Republic may be a tad lower than here, you paying him $2,500 per month is really not a big deal.  You say he is a famous porn actor.  Is he still working as porn actor and/or escort?  I don't see him making it on $2,500 alone.  At that rate, you can't expect him to be 'exclusive' to you.  It would not surprise  me if this guy is seeing other clients and/or has multiple sugar daddy arrangements going on at the same time,

On top of that, think of the cost of travel to Czech Republic and back, every 3 weeks.  And the cost of occasionally paying his bills.

What disturbs me most is that you seem to be in fear of him being able to blackmail you.  And you feel he is treating sexual activity with you as a chore - which it is!  You are spending money on this guy who is not even faking good sex.  Think of how many professional escorts you could have hired for the money you spent,  This guy has you in a classic findom situation.  Is that what you really want?  

My advice is that you negotiate a  graceful exit.

 

 

 

 

Edited July 3 by BaronArtz

[Muscleking]

22 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

🤷‍♂️Where else do I turn to talk about this? I can’t exactly ask my mom for advice on this. Men on here have experience with this subject. 

I would say be honest about your expectations I mean you are paying after all, and you should get what your paying for, but just be clear about what that is.. if you haven’t exactly laid out what u want from this relationship how is he supposed to know how to navigate it.. it sounds like you met a real nice guy so I’d say being honest and forth coming is best.. that’s the best thing about hiring escorts we can often tell them things we want in a real honest way more than we can In our real relationships.

figure out what it is that you want and expect and let him know nicely. The worst he can say is that doesn’t work for him and if so then let it go.

 

[Thelatin]

9 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

many of you know your escorts parent’s names? Their parent’s birthdays? Their siblings names? Their birthdays? Where they grew up? His parents home address?

This is probably more common than you think.  My last long time provider whom I'm still friends with for instance.  I chat with his mom (who is my age), I chat with his friends,  we still talk daily etc.  He's actually coming here for the holiday.  Not sure that is a great idea yet or not - God help me.

[Massageguy99]

11 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

I’m not gonna go back and forth with people in this thread as it’s a very very specific and odd arrangement. But I do want to say a few things: first he was never an escort, or a sugar baby in his life. I convinced him to meet up with me from an adult chatroom (after talking for a year). It’s a very unique and odd situation that has unraveled into this.
 

Truth be told, I created this whole situation including the sugar baby aspect. He doesn’t even like it when I use the words “sugar baby.” 

Without doxing, I am 37 he is 28. It’s not the same arrangements as you’d find traditionally on this website. That doesn’t mean people’s comments are wrong, I just want to put everything into context. How many of you know your escorts parent’s names? Their parent’s birthdays? Their siblings names? Their birthdays? Where they grew up? His parents home address? (Which I’ve verified independently) The details he’s revealed to me about his life would never ever be revealed in a “traditional” arrangement. This post more or less turned into a rant. Take from all that what you want.

He’s not a “professional” because he’s never been involved in this type of industry and he’s not “working” me. 
 

And by the way we’ve discussed not paying him while on trips at his behest as he thought it was unfair for me to be paying for the trips and paying him. There were opportunities he had to leave a trip early, and still be paid that he rejected. There’s certainly a level of serious friendship which can occur in these types of arrangements. In fact typing it all out has given me more clarity that there is a real friendship here.
 

He doesn’t have the time to go on vacation as much as I can afford, and pay bills too. It’s just not realistic for him. Also $2500 a month is a lot of money for that “region,” that’s true. However it’s average/low, and just enough to pay bills if you live in a big city in that ”region.”

 

This thread has run its course and it’s been cathartic. I think the bottom line is things need to be more defined between us. I need to say very sternly whose role is what if I want to continue this. I need to sit him down and have a discussion with him for both of our sakes so nobody feels taken advantage of or resentment. I also don’t want to spoil our friendship. That’s all… 

The only thing I will point out is your age gap is not some unique thing. 

I have messaged plenty of people on here who are within that age range and have hired etc. 

I'm not sure if you think the average person on here is 70+ and only hires people on their 20s but that has not been my experience in communicating with others on here. 

[411Reviews]

6 hours ago, snowglobe11 said:

Have you asked him directly what’s bothering him as of late? As you’ve said he never was an escort before this, and that might have had caused some confusion on his part. Does he feel any regret, or shame in your arrangement? Or even fear that you might cut him loose at anytime? These types of emotions might lead him to be more withdrawn from you.

Yes it’s true that both of you have your needs and wants in this arrangement, but you talking to him and outlining that you want x from him and that he should give y and quantifying everything might do more harm than good, since he might take it as you putting a price tag on him and treating your friendship as purely transactional.
 

I do have a very similar experience with this. I’ve been friends with a some Czech/Slovak guys. One of which, a retired porn star and ex escort. We travel together constantly, though he does not ask me for payment or monthly support, just the plane ticket, room and food. He also buys me gifts whenever we meet. I’ve also come to know him more in a personal level, like where he lives, what his parents and siblings does for a living and their hometown address. We are also close in age (27 and 30), we go to the gym together almost everyday when on holiday, and generally act like best friends.

I’ve also been really close with another Czech guy 28 y/o. I would sometimes tag along with him and his girlfriend during their vacation, as I am pretty close with both. But now that they have broken up, he has invited me to go on a trip with him, just the two of us and he said that he would pay for everything. So basically what I’m saying is it is possible to have a friendship with these guys, but be sure to always protect your heart. At the end of the day the most that you can be with them is a good friend. 

What’s your background? Then you know what I am talking about. This is exactly what’s going on with me, but I’m on a much better financial situation as him. I truly can’t sit back and watch my friend struggle. 
 

The first few times we met it was purely transactional. It has since progressed to a legitimate friendship. It’s a teething process as to how to follow the money aspect. Can you DM me 

[snowglobe11]

1 hour ago, 411Reviews said:

What’s your background? Then you know what I am talking about. This is exactly what’s going on with me, but I’m on a much better financial situation as him. I truly can’t sit back and watch my friend struggle. 
 

The first few times we met it was purely transactional. It has since progressed to a legitimate friendship. It’s a teething process as to how to follow the money aspect. Can you DM me 

I’m self employed thus have flexible hours to travel with these guys. Financially I am not well off, probably average or below average depending on the region. Most of my regular guys substantially earn more than me. I can say for sure that my main guy earns heaps more. So I can’t fully relate to your situation where you watch your friend struggle.

[SouthOfTheBorder]

FYI - the average take-home monthly (after tax) in Czeck Republic is a little over $1000US.

a provider making $2500(after tax) for a part-time arrangement is being paid very well.

unless he has a taste for luxury items and/or imported goods, he isn’t “struggling”

very important to know the facts in whatever country you choose to participate in this hobby. viewing it from an American POV doesn’t reveal the true reality. 

Edited July 4 by SouthOfTheBorder

[+ nycman]

21 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

I’m not gonna go back and forth with people in this thread

Yes, you will. 

21 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

it’s a very very specific and odd arrangement.

 No, it’s not.

21 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

It’s a very unique and odd situation

No, it’s not. 

21 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

It’s not the same arrangements as you’d find traditionally on this website.

Yes, it is. 

21 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

He’s not a “professional”…

Yes, he is. 

21 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

In fact typing it all out has given me more clarity that there is a real friendship here.

You want clarity? Stop paying.
Then, and only then, will you get a painfully large amount of "clarity".

21 hours ago, 411Reviews said:

I also don’t want to spoil our friendship. That’s all… 

You spoiled it the minute you started paying him. That’s all…..

Despite my weak attempt at humor above, I do wish you all the best. Nonetheless, I’m afraid you have some very constricting blinders on and nothing we say will convince you of the true nature of this "relationship". 

Edited July 4 by nycman

[Jason76]

A lot of wisdom in this thread.  I considered for a while whether to share my own story, it’s something I have never told anyone.  I was a late bloomer, at 35 I had not dated ever, so I figured the best way I’m going to experience intimacy is with an escort.  Early in my hiring history I met someone I really liked, he was my age, fairly new to the scene and was doing it on the side to help fund his bodybuilding endeavors, his corporate job was only enough to pay for his living expenses and child support.  Our weekend was good but I wouldn’t say mind blowing (being still very inexperienced I didn’t really have much to compare to at the time), even so I was crushing on him enough to offer to “sponsor” him afterwards so he did not have to escort any more.  We agreed that I would pick up all of his expenses for supplements and for any eventual bodybuilding show he competes in, and in return we would become friends with some exclusive access to him.  To be honest I didn’t know what I wanted back then, I knew I would like to be involved in his life and perhaps to date him somewhere down the line, but in hindsight I really should have asked for a friends with benefits arrangement, because sex was never on the table again after that, his reasoning was it isn’t something he does with friends (which I never really believed since a lot of his friends are escorts and did porn, they were also very active in circuit party scenes, so when there is alcohol and drugs involved it’s hard to imagine they never played with each other, but I didn’t really have any access to that side of his life, he kept me pretty much separate and told me only what he thought I needed to know, being from different states certainly made that easier for him to manage and I was pretty respectful of his privacy).

Anyway, this went on for a little over 4 years, during which I ended up doing a lot more for him including paying someone to create a website for his brand and personal training business (as well as maintaining it), several bodybuilding shows (fees, accommodations, posing coaches, stage pictures, spray tan), a professional photo shoot with Pat Lee, expenses to get him out of bankruptcy (it happened before I knew him), and I even started a college fund for his kids (even though I have never met them or any of his family).  While we would talk/text daily and I would get explicit photos from him, we only hung out in person maybe 3 more times in that period, including all expenses paid trips to NYC and Vegas, but he pretty much kept me at arm’s length and friendzoned me when we were together.  Once during a 4 hands massage I had arranged for us he told me not to be in the same room, but there was really nowhere else I could be in our suite.  Towards the end of our “friendship” I finally found someone that I felt actually wanted to be with me and not to use me (funnily enough he was a Pumping Muscle model and we’re still together, but that is another story) so eventually I just stopped paying for things and I never heard from him again, not even to ask how I was doing, that was when I truly understood that he never really saw me as a friend as he claimed we were (he would often impress on me that what we had was special and different, something no one else understood).

I know our situation is not the same, but if I have learned anything from my brief period of hiring (I never did it again after I quit with this person), it is to be certain of what you want and don’t leave it unsaid, because when there is money involved, even those with the best intentions can and often will take advantage of you.  After it was all said and done I spent like $60k on this guy and ultimately felt I didn’t really get what I wanted out of the experience, I should’ve just kept hiring him as an escort and saved a lot of trouble and headaches on my part.  As a point of comparison I hired Butch Stratford (who ironically knew of the guy I sponsored and ran in some of the same circles) only twice and we kept in touch for 5+ years afterwards, all the way up until his passing.  He would often check up on me and ask about my life, he definitely treated me like a friend even after I was no longer a client.

Well, I think that’s enough from me so I hope you might find something helpful from this, good luck to you.

Edited July 4 by Jason76

[NYXboy]

On 7/2/2024 at 8:50 AM, 411Reviews said:

On our next trip together I would like to lay down that if he wants me to continue doing this, I expect X Y and Z.

you have the answer to your question here already. Yes, this is what you need to do. 

[SouthOfTheBorder]

1 hour ago, Jason76 said:

I considered for a while whether to share my own story, it’s something I have never told anyone.

thank you for sharing this.  we’ve all made mistakes in this hobby - very easy to do. happy to hear you’ve moved on with someone that makes you happy. 

 

 

[JeffsterLA]

On 7/2/2024 at 5:35 AM, 411Reviews said:

I hired a Czech/Slovak famous porn actor as an escort and we really just got along well. It turned into a sugar daddy relationship and I have been supporting him for the last six months. We have formed a real connection and friendship. 
 

However I’m worried about where this is going, despite seven months of great times. I am paying his bills, and it’s starting to move from me being in charge, to him wanting to be treated as an equal (which I’ve been trying to do). 

But that’s proving very difficult to navigate. I see him as a very good, and caring friend. Better than some friends I’ve know my whole life. He’s the only one I don’t have to pretend around, and I am for him too. A lot of his friends and family don’t know about his work and he can be honest with me. Everything we discuss stays between us.
 

I don’t know if I should tell him this needs to be more of a professional relationship, or just go where this relationship/friendship takes us. While the last six months have been great and both parties have been satisfied, I feel that it’s starting to slip into unfair territory. Where I have paid a lot of money, and he’s treating our sexual activity as a chore and a favor. I’m not sure what to do. I can’t exactly go do research on an arrangement like this because they don’t exist! I recognize this is extremely unique, and perhaps I’m too emotionally immature to be able to handle this.

Question: pull my gay card, but why can’t you find beauty and companionship in your own age and date a peer of your generation? With all this emphasis on pedophilia and glorification of youth and looking like boys among gay men recently, it seems that the healthy thing to do is be less plastic and shallow. 

[Becket]

11 minutes ago, JeffsterLA said:

Question: pull my gay card, but why can’t you find beauty and companionship in your own age and date a peer of your generation? With all this emphasis on pedophilia and glorification of youth and looking like boys among gay men recently, it seems that the healthy thing to do is be less plastic and shallow. 

We like what we like. It seems like you are saying that if someone dates younger men that person is plastic and shallow. Is that what you meant? I am attracted to men between the ages of about 30 to 50. I'm in my mid sixties and do not have desires for men my age. That's one of the reason I hang around these parts. I enjoy meeting fellow posters as friends, but I do not want to have physical relationships with them. Do you believe that makes me, and others like me, plastic and shallow? Maybe I just misunderstood your post. If so, my apologies. 

[pubic_assistance]

9 hours ago, nycman said:

You spoiled it the minute you started paying him. That’s all…..

Despite my weak attempt at humor above, I do wish you all the best. Nonetheless, I’m afraid you have some very constricting blinders on and nothing we say will convince you of the true nature of this "relationship". 

[Jason76]

4 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

thank you for sharing this.  we’ve all made mistakes in this hobby - very easy to do. happy to hear you’ve moved on with someone that makes you happy. 

 

 

Thank you for the kind words.  It was unfortunately not my only mistake, I was also scammed by Dakota James after he briefly came out of retirement.  He strung me along for like 4 months, got a $2k deposit from me to help with his Freak Off my Leash t shirt business (I still have the email he wrote me as “proof” of the transaction and our agreement, not that it did any good), then when it finally came time to meet totally ghosted me after I flew to Vegas because he relocated there.  I thought for someone well known I could count on him at his word, but I was too trusting and naive.  I would say that was kind of the nail in the coffin in terms of my hiring.

[BSR]

2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

No hay peor ciego que el que no quiere ver

Translation:  there is none blinder than he who does not want to see

[+ Drew Collins]

I don't want to move too far from the OP.  I've entered the sponsorship/Sugar Daddy/Seeking world this past year to some limited successes, some embarrassment and mistakes, and some stupidity of which I definitely should have known better.

Simply wanted to write how much I appreciate you all.  This forum.  And your stories.  And advice.  And experiences, positive and negative. Thank you Company of Men.

 

[IamAdamRose]

Im a provider who just got out this situation with a SD….

 

as others have said, the minute you stop supporting him, its over

[JeffsterLA]

12 hours ago, Becket said:

We like what we like. It seems like you are saying that if someone dates younger men that person is plastic and shallow. Is that what you meant? I am attracted to men between the ages of about 30 to 50. I'm in my mid sixties and do not have desires for men my age. That's one of the reason I hang around these parts. I enjoy meeting fellow posters as friends, but I do not want to have physical relationships with them. Do you believe that makes me, and others like me, plastic and shallow? Maybe I just misunderstood your post. If so, my apologies. 

So don’t expect gays your age to support you or your rights. Don’t expect us to defend you when Christians and republicans are expressing their preferences when it comes to gays and gay rights. They like what they like too, no? I would submit that you have self- esteem and internalized age-phobia issues as the reason you aren’t attracted to men your age. Frankly, you have no business meeting 30-50 year olds and I think it’s sick. You need to control yourself. 

[Cooper]

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