So I was fired as a client today

[+ DrownedBoy]

There's too many reasons to name, most of them completely normal.

This happened to me when a provider kept saying he wasn't available.  I asked him directly if he was giving up escorting,  and that was it; he just didn't volunteer the information until I asked.

[pizzaBoy]

2 hours ago, Casual said:

I decided I might talk too much. But I don’t think I said anything offensive.  That’s all I could come up with.  Other people in the thread speculated about other possibilities.  

Again, this wasn’t upsetting for me - just unexpected.  There was no sexual or emotional entanglement between us.  

I appreciate everyone’s feedback. 

Idk man. It’s a people business. Anyone who’s put off by conversation won’t last long so ii doubt that’s it. Unless you just rambled on incessantly. But to others’ point, probably not worth obsessing over. Move on. 

[misterhumphries]

On 7/16/2024 at 6:53 PM, Casual said:

Thank you for your insights.  It's not upsetting for me so much as it's a mystery.  I wasn't emotionally attached to him (or any provider).  It was just unexpected.

And it will remain a mystery. 

Like most breakups, his choosing not to work for you again is all about him, you're just collateral damage.

Edited July 18 by misterhumphries

[510guy]

One thing I try not to do is asking about him. They want their anonymity. They don't want to talk about themselves.

I once asked a masseur what else he did for a living. After some pause he said he was a flight attendant. I realized then he actually didn't want to answer and stopped asking questions 

[soloyo215]

On 7/16/2024 at 7:31 PM, Casual said:

I had some errands near a provider I used to see and also some shoulder pain, so I thought I'd check in with him for a massage.  

I texted him and a few minutes later he texted back saying he didn't think it would be a good idea for him to take my appointment.  He asked if I could find someone else.

I told him that was fine and offered apologies if I had caused him any distress. 

He said I didn't do anything wrong and had nothing to apologize for.  He said we're just not a good fit and he thanked me for being his client up to that point.  

I'm not sure what happened.  My hygiene is impeccable.  I put a lot of time into making sure the provider is not going to have a bad or awkward time with me.  I never tried to touch him or suggest anything.  I tip well.  Maybe I talk too much?  I do talk some but it's usually questions about the provider and then listening to them.  I don't talk about myself.  I don't know.  Anyway, I'm not identifying him because I hope he'll continue to be successful and I don't want to harm his business (it's not Sky's Touch).  Has this ever happened to you?

Probably he increased his price and didn't want to tell you. Probably he makes more money with extras, meaning that you should have actually touched him so he can negotiate more for more.

Or maybe he just can afford choosing his clients. It's never good to feel rejected, but I don't think it's that deep. It may have nothing to do with you.

You are you and there's nothing wrong with you talking, if others don't like it, it's their choice.

[TonyDown]

What kind of personal questions did you tend to ask the provider?

Do you mention this chat board to them?

Did you discuss other providers with him?

 

 

[wanderlust307]

On 7/18/2024 at 12:41 AM, DrownedBoy said:

This happened to me when a provider kept saying he wasn't available.  I asked him directly if he was giving up escorting,  and that was it; he just didn't volunteer the information until I asked.

Or he just said so to get rid of your questioning...

[+ DrownedBoy]

5 hours ago, wanderlust307 said:

Or he just said so to get rid of your questioning...

Nope. He was an amateur who just needed money for a few months between jobs, and he told me that when I first hired him. I congratulated him because he found a new job.

[Casual]

9 hours ago, TonyDown said:

What kind of personal questions did you tend to ask the provider?

Do you mention this chat board to them?

Did you discuss other providers with him?

 

 

Usually I just ask things like “what shows do you like or what are your hobbies” and then build from there. Nothing too intimate- just small talk that I feel acknowledges the individuality and personhood of the provider.  I also like to ask what goals they have for their business or outside their business.  It’s maybe kind of silly but I like to think that while the provider is giving me so much great energy through the massage, I’m giving them great energy through encouragement and interest in them as a person.  

 I didn’t tell him about this board, because someone did say something on a different post that I thought might hurt his feelings.  I didn’t want to be the one to draw his attention to it.

I don’t think I told him about other providers.  Sometimes I do talk about other providers because I know some provides do massage trade and I want them to be aware of each other beyond their ads. With him, I don’t think I did though. 

[+ APPLE1]

4 hours ago, Casual said:

Usually I just ask things like “what shows do you like or what are your hobbies” and then build from there. Nothing too intimate- just small talk that I feel acknowledges the individuality and personhood of the provider.  I also like to ask what goals they have for their business or outside their business.  It’s maybe kind of silly but I like to think that while the provider is giving me so much great energy through the massage, I’m giving them great energy through encouragement and interest in them as a person.  

 I didn’t tell him about this board, because someone did say something on a different post that I thought might hurt his feelings.  I didn’t want to be the one to draw his attention to it.

I don’t think I told him about other providers.  Sometimes I do talk about other providers because I know some provides do massage trade and I want them to be aware of each other beyond their ads. With him, I don’t think I did though. 

Seriously?!?!? First things first, WHENEVER you start a conversation with a "goal" beyond filling time, it's not small talk.

Your approach to "small talk, " as you lay it out above, reads like a get to know your group members/ice breakers dreamed up by some HR bitch at a work seminar. I know of know one who likes those activities. They coerce people into talking about themselves and sharing things they may not want to with strangers.

People who have a gift for small talk begin by sharing their thoughts and opinions on benign topics. It allows the other person to share similar trivial opinions and broach topics of their own. Mastering how and when to invite the conversation to deeper levels is very much a learned skill.

 

Edited July 23 by APPLE1

[Casual]

Thank you - I’ll try that. 

[wanderlust307]

On 7/17/2024 at 2:31 AM, Casual said:

I had some errands near a provider I used to see and also some shoulder pain, so I thought I'd check in with him for a massage.  

I texted him and a few minutes later he texted back saying he didn't think it would be a good idea for him to take my appointment.  He asked if I could find someone else.

I told him that was fine and offered apologies if I had caused him any distress. 

He said I didn't do anything wrong and had nothing to apologize for.  He said we're just not a good fit and he thanked me for being his client up to that point.  

I'm not sure what happened.  My hygiene is impeccable.  I put a lot of time into making sure the provider is not going to have a bad or awkward time with me.  I never tried to touch him or suggest anything.  I tip well.  Maybe I talk too much?  I do talk some but it's usually questions about the provider and then listening to them.  I don't talk about myself.  I don't know.  Anyway, I'm not identifying him because I hope he'll continue to be successful and I don't want to harm his business (it's not Sky's Touch).  Has this ever happened to you?

I am confused with  the term "provider" used in the forum to hypocritically disguise a masseur or an escort. Anyway, I gather are you talking about a masseur.  A masseur is not paid to talk to you. If conversation is what you are after, hire an escort for a dinner appointment and you'll get all the talk you want among other things. 😅 

[starman05]

In my head, I know I'm the one paying for a service and if the provider can't provide it any longer, I should be grateful for the times it did work, and I KNOW I should move on and find someone else. Someone better. 

In my heart, I play over and over the times we each shared personal info, and I can't help but think it's all my fault. 

The fact that I spend most of my time naked and am physically and, often, emotionally, vulnerable to him causes me to react more with my heart than my head. 

Feeling safe -- which I do when I'm with certain providers -- is the launching pad to developing feelings. Love, a crush, fondness -- whatever you want to call it. When you're on that table feeling safe and nurtured (H/E or no), there's nothing better. 

And knowing it's over and not knowing why? Well, that can be the worst feeling ever. 

[wanderlust307]

9 hours ago, starman05 said:

Feeling safe -- which I do when I'm with certain providers -- is the launching pad to developing feelings. Love, a crush, fondness -- whatever you want to call it. When you're on that table feeling safe and nurtured (H/E or no), there's nothing better. 

And knowing it's over and not knowing why? Well, that can be the worst feeling ever. 

It is well established that hand ejaculation is the mother of all feelings. My sympathy for your loss. 🤣

[starman05]

On 7/23/2024 at 11:12 PM, wanderlust307 said:

It is well established that hand ejaculation is the mother of all feelings. My sympathy for your loss. 🤣

Ha! Well, a little more than that… but thx for you sympathies