Debating whether to ask provider

[traveler09]

Debating about this but I had a couple massage session with a provider. In the second session, he was sliding behind me and I felt him getting real close so I asked him to stop. It was kind of hot but I didn’t want it/I wasn't sure what was happening then.
Recently, I went back and he was getting real close behind me and pushing in, and I was getting real wet and so I let him. It was one of best time I had, and I keep thinking about it. I was wondering if it’s ok/weird to ask him outside of a massage to hook up. Any thoughts?

Edited August 2 by traveler09

[+ 7829V]

Masseuse - female 

Masseur - male 

[maninsoma]

So you want for free what he gave you in the context of a paid session?  Sure, you can ask, but maybe the answer will be no and the guy will be so put off that you won't be able to hire him again, either.

[Unonymous30xxx]

24 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

So you want for free what he gave you in the context of a paid session?  Sure, you can ask, but maybe the answer will be no and the guy will be so put off that you won't be able to hire him again, either.

I don't know about that, if it wasn't discussed beforehand and the provider initiated, was even told no the first time. It seems like the provider was interested for himself to some extent. I think it's ok to ask.

Edited August 2 by Unonymous30xxx

[jmichaeliii]

I routinely have very heated sessions with my favorite provider, but I would never dream of asking him for something like that.  No matter how great it is, it is still a paid session.  Its about boundaries also... and although he and I are very friendly, the fact is we both live in different worlds and require discretion.  Enjoy it as much as possible for those few hours and book him again.  As I have found as time goes on, if you are his regular and treat him well, you will get i back tenfold.

[Simon Suraci]

Don’t ask for a hookup outside the context of a paid session. It changes things, and almost never in ways that you like.

If he asks YOU, fine. But don’t ask him to provide for free what he has been giving to you as a value added service.

[Lohengrin1979]

I am of the mind that neither the client nor the provider should ask for more outside of the professional relationship while services are being engaged. It makes for an unequal dynamic right from the get go. Although we have some anecdotal evidence on this site of such situations working out, most of them end as @Simon Suraci and other have said: awkwardly. The reverse is true too. I’ve had to have a couple of uncomfortablw conversations with a provider or two who wanted to have dinner or have sex outside of the agreed upon session. It changes things for the worse, usually, so proceed with caution.

[+ JamesB]

Don’t do it. It will not end well.

[Dr.Daddy]

Agree with all these smart experienced fellas and would advise against making changes to a good thing! Just enjoy it for what it is and don’t change the context to be free (or to an escort situation either) because you’re getting the best possible outcome right now, a good massage with plenty of erotic fun at a massage price. That’s valuable and rare when it’s of high quality, mutually enjoyable, and long-lasting. 

[jmichaeliii]

14 minutes ago, JamesB said:

Don’t do it. It will not end well.

And you may just wreck something great and be kicking your self for a long time.

[BaronArtz]

The sensible thing to do is to ask him if he is interested in a combo massage / escort session with you.  If so, you should be prepared to pay accordingly.

Don't expect escort services at massage rates ...

Edited August 2 by BaronArtz

[soloyo215]

I agree with others about not asking to hook up. What will happen if he says no, or worse, he says no in a tone that doesn't make you feel very good? That's a possibility. I've felt great chemistry with some of my providers, but I think there's some kind of boudary that should be kept, considering that it's a business for the provider. I'm sure providers don't want to be placed in a position where they might have to reject you, with the risk that it might escalate into an unsavory situation.

[jmichaeliii]

7 minutes ago, soloyo215 said:

I agree with others about not asking to hook up. What will happen if he says no, or worse, he says no in a tone that doesn't make you feel very good? That's a possibility. I've felt great chemistry with some of my providers, but I think there's some kind of boudary that should be kept, considering that it's a business for the provider. I'm sure providers don't want to be placed in a position where they might have to reject you, with the risk that it might escalate into an unsavory situation.

Totally agree.   I have had experiences this last year I never imagined possible.  No way am I gonna wreck that by stepping over a boundary and possibly pushing someone away.

[Jamie21]

The consensus is don’t ask. I 100% agree. I’ve been in that position (literally ha ha) and it’s just so so awkward when clients misread your eagerness to please and give them a great time.

I guess it’s understandable if the boundaries of the session are blurry and a sensual massage morphs into an escort style session which often happens. 

I had a client where the sessions got very intense and intimate. He enjoyed bottoming as part of the massage and it happened regularly although not every time - it was never obligatory on either party (which I think is better during a massage session because it needs to flow naturally and be part of massage not an act separate from it which would be the case if he’d booked an escort session). 

After the sessions he’d hint at meeting up outside of the client/provider dynamic although he never specifically asked me. Then one time I got a message from him that was slightly different from his usual booking request: “hi Jamie how are you? You free to come to mine sometime next week for a massage and fun?”  I’d always seen him previously at my studio. I knew what he was angling for so I replied “hi xx, yes can do, what day works for you and how long would you like?”. Putting a duration on it would imply it’s a paid session and indeed he inferred it as intended because he came back with “not sure what day I can do yet, I’ll let you know” and I never heard from him or saw him again …. 

Clients:  you’re booking a paid session with someone who does sex work. Whether it’s massage or escort service the understanding is that there’s going to be some kind of sexual activity in exchange for money. To make the session work better everyone suspends belief for the moment that were it not for money the situation wouldn’t be happening. The provider, having done that many times is really good at it (that’s why they do the job). So good in fact that the client finds it difficult to switch back to reality after the session and actually starts to think “was it real? He seemed to be really into me”. The provider thinks “he enjoyed that, he’ll book again, now what shall I have for lunch…”. 

It sounds like you found a great provider who really cares about your enjoyment of the session. Don’t ruin it by changing the dynamic. If you’re looking for free hookups don’t even think about it. It will annoy the hell out of him. If you want a relationship let him initiate it. 
 

[jmichaeliii]

55 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

The consensus is don’t ask. I 100% agree. I’ve been in that position (literally ha ha) and it’s just so so awkward when clients misread your eagerness to please and give them a great time.

I guess it’s understandable if the boundaries of the session are blurry and a sensual massage morphs into an escort style session which often happens. 

I had a client where the sessions got very intense and intimate. He enjoyed bottoming as part of the massage and it happened regularly although not every time - it was never obligatory on either party (which I think is better during a massage session because it needs to flow naturally and be part of massage not an act separate from it which would be the case if he’d booked an escort session). 

After the sessions he’d hint at meeting up outside of the client/provider dynamic although he never specifically asked me. Then one time I got a message from him that was slightly different from his usual booking request: “hi Jamie how are you? You free to come to mine sometime next week for a massage and fun?”  I’d always seen him previously at my studio. I knew what he was angling for so I replied “hi xx, yes can do, what day works for you and how long would you like?”. Putting a duration on it would imply it’s a paid session and indeed he inferred it as intended because he came back with “not sure what day I can do yet, I’ll let you know” and I never heard from him or saw him again …. 

Clients:  you’re booking a paid session with someone who does sex work. Whether it’s massage or escort service the understanding is that there’s going to be some kind of sexual activity in exchange for money. To make the session work better everyone suspends belief for the moment that were it not for money the situation wouldn’t be happening. The provider, having done that many times is really good at it (that’s why they do the job). So good in fact that the client finds it difficult to switch back to reality after the session and actually starts to think “was it real? He seemed to be really into me”. The provider thinks “he enjoyed that, he’ll book again, now what shall I have for lunch…”. 

It sounds like you found a great provider who really cares about your enjoyment of the session. Don’t ruin it by changing the dynamic. If you’re looking for free hookups don’t even think about it. It will annoy the hell out of him. If you want a relationship let him initiate it. 
 

I really don't think you could have said this any better.  It is 100% correct. And don't ruin it by changing the dynamic is spot on.

[guyfouryou]

I had a provider ask me if I wanted to hang outside of the spa, socially.  I said sure though it was odd. He mention loose plans a day later but it didn't work out. The following day I asked about catching a movie but he was busy.  I never mentioned it again, neither did he.  I've been seeing him as a masseur for 8+ years. I was glad it dropped. Too weird a dynamic even though I have known him for so long. 

[Thelatin]

I have a massageologist who occasionally gets over heated.  I take it for what it is and leave it at that as to not wreck the relationship.  He really likes to shower, and I enjoy that extra time.

[+ DrownedBoy]

On 8/2/2024 at 11:53 AM, Simon Suraci said:

If he asks YOU, fine.

That's the answer. Never ask yourself.

[misterhumphries]

4 hours ago, guyfouryou said:

I had a provider ask me if I wanted to hang outside of the spa, socially.  I said sure though it was odd. He mention loose plans a day later but it didn't work out. The following day I asked about catching a movie but he was busy.  I never mentioned it again, neither did he.  I've been seeing him as a masseur for 8+ years. I was glad it dropped. Too weird a dynamic even though I have known him for so long. 

Good for you. He may have truly been busy. People these days, I note, seem pathetic when it comes to honoring commitments. As it wasn't a "date" there was no need to get bent out of shape or read more into it. Just take it as a sign that if he does suggest a get-together in future, you can feel free to decline -- without explanation.

[DWnyc]

I’d add sometimes providers with the best of intentions can make it seem like it’s real life interaction. 

“I miss you”, “I’m so horny when are we seeing each other again” etc messages sent … and before people reply saying that’s unprofessional, uncommon etc I’ll say I’ve experienced that kind of thing more times than I can mention.

Fell for it the first few times, got a rude shock when a provider texted me as I was a block away after our session saying he just wanted me to come back and play through the night … and as I naively returned he dropped the act and asked how many hours did I have in mind.

I’ll add that a few times providers have offered to extend the session and even invited me over out of the blue making it clear it’s not a paid appointment. On the few times I’ve followed through I’ve repeatedly said “this isn’t a paid appointment, right?” And had interesting responses like “I’m a human being I have my needs too …” or “shut up, you’re on my terms now, I get to do what I want with you …” - sounds hot and it kind of is but I’ve found it so stressful and confusing I’ve told myself, never again. And to make the point clearly: these are legit providers mostly with reviews on here. 
 

[+ DrownedBoy]

On 8/13/2024 at 8:47 PM, DWnyc said:

I’ll add that a few times providers have offered to extend the session and even invited me over out of the blue making it clear it’s not a paid appointment. On the few times I’ve followed through I’ve repeatedly said “this isn’t a paid appointment, right?” And had interesting responses like “I’m a human being I have my needs too …” or “shut up, you’re on my terms now, I get to do what I want with you …”
 

Awwww....that line once led to a nice, long, extended and unpaid session for me. A bit painful, but that's part of the attraction.

[TonyDown]

I've had 3 masseurs hint around that they would like to hang out.  One was straight but I'm sure for all 3 of them it was merely that they would enjoy being friends.

I suppose there's no harm in asking a provider though I think of the Seinfeld episode where his GF was a masseuse and he kept trying to get her to give him a free massage.  

@traveler09 I wonder how excited your provider would be when knowing  there is no $$ reward at the end.    It could seem to him like he is giving up a paying client.  I guess you could drop a few hints and see what happens.  Or just continue being a favorite client.

 

[blck37]

Only times where I had free-of-charge hang-outs with provider are all initiated by him. I initiated once (after several free hang-outs) and got rejected cold. I book him for the next day, he buy me ice creams and we move on. Unspoken but lesson learnt.