How much conversation can I expect before we meet?

[badger]

I'm seeing a new guy tomorrow, I contacted him Saturday night. I gave him my usual quick two-sentence about me/what I'm interested in that I send when reaching out. 

I'd like to talk to him a bit more before we meet tomorrow. I can be a little shy on the spot and sometimes I find it easiest to express specifics via text ahead of time. A couple of times it's turned into very hot back-and-forth. However, I do want to be respectful of providers' time and I don't feel entitled to free labor.

This feels like a silly question, but as someone with a bit of the ol' social anxiety, anyone have any suggestions? On how to request some pre-meeting interaction without being a pest?

Y'all have been really helpful with my questions before, thank you!

[StarQualityLuke]

18 hours ago, badger said:

I'm seeing a new guy tomorrow, I contacted him Saturday night. I gave him my usual quick two-sentence about me/what I'm interested in that I send when reaching out. 

I'd like to talk to him a bit more before we meet tomorrow. I can be a little shy on the spot and sometimes I find it easiest to express specifics via text ahead of time. A couple of times it's turned into very hot back-and-forth. However, I do want to be respectful of providers' time and I don't feel entitled to free labor.

This feels like a silly question, but as someone with a bit of the ol' social anxiety, anyone have any suggestions? On how to request some pre-meeting interaction without being a pest?

Y'all have been really helpful with my questions before, thank you!

You should feel comfortable to ask anything.. It's your session, remember that.   I prefer clients to ask questions, etc... Keeps an open dialog.... Don't think you are a pest, because you are not... Good Luck. 

Edited August 20 by StarQualityLuke

[pubic_assistance]

13 hours ago, badger said:

I'd like to talk to him a bit more before we meet tomorrow. I can be a little shy on the spot and sometimes I find it easiest to express specifics via text ahead of time.

This is an example where an upfront  deposit might make sense. (As much as I'm opposed to sending money to randoms). If you want to spend time discussing your session..that's reasonable. But you're on the clock.

Edited August 20 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[badger]

I thought about saying something like, hey would you mind if we had a bit of conversation over text before meeting, I'm happy to send you a bit of a deposit first if you'd like, I don't expect free labor

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

If you've booked enough time, you can have the luxury of what amounts to a real date versus just a 60-minute fuck.

That said, just be up-front with what makes you comfortable.  A good guy is going to make sure you're relaxed.

Edited August 20 by BenjaminNicholas

[+ azdr0710]

I don't know who you're meeting.......but I'm sure you know some providers are fine with extensive pre-meet chat and others (usually, but not always, the lower-rated ones) definitely don't want to hear from giddy/nervous/chatty first-timers too much.........you may have to tread carefully here and, frankly, not piss him off!......if you haven't already told him what you like to do at a meeting, you should probably tell him that - in one to-the-point, discreet, polite text/email.......ask him for his thoughts and ideas and then minimize communication before the meet except for location/time/access logistics.......

and I don't know what this pre-meet chat is/was going to involve.......if it was about what you want to do at the meet, most providers do want that information........if it is about social anxiety, personal drama, etc., keep that to one or two sentences!.......

sounds like this isn't your first meet with a provider, though......that should help your nerves, but I know this is your first meet with this guy......as usual, firm handshake, look him in the eyes, smile, talk slowly, minimize weather talk and don't talk about yourself(!)......suggest an easy light massage by you on him (may show you care about him having fun, too).......then ease that into bigger fun.....

that's all I got!!.....let us know how it goes! 

[NYXboy]

4 hours ago, badger said:

 

This feels like a silly question, but as someone with a bit of the ol' social anxiety, anyone have any suggestions? On how to request some pre-meeting interaction without being a pest?

 

What kind of pre-meeting things do you want to discuss with your provider? 

[rvwnsd]

4 hours ago, badger said:

I'm seeing a new guy tomorrow, I contacted him Saturday night. I gave him my usual quick two-sentence about me/what I'm interested in that I send when reaching out. 

I'd like to talk to him a bit more before we meet tomorrow. I can be a little shy on the spot and sometimes I find it easiest to express specifics via text ahead of time....

I frequently have some back-and-forth about the session in advance of it taking place. Not cyber-sex but going over things we both like/don't like/are absolute showstoppers. However, I'm also careful to avoid turning the exchange into sex-via-text. As @pubic_assistance's post implies, there is a limit to the amount of off-the-clock time should be spent discussing specifics. Another way to approach the situation is to ask if the provider would be willing to have a 15-minute call/message exchange in return for one quarter of his hourly rate. 

[wanderlust307]

All good advice. Also plan a 2 hour meet or longer. Have a drink before. Chat a bit. 

[Jamie21]

There’s a fine, but distinct line between talking about the activities you like and your expectations and sex talk. The former is welcomed the latter is annoying and I close it down quickly. 

I like clients to share with me some of their preferences (not all…some of the fun is discovery) but sex talk is always indicative of him cancelling before the session. So ask, explain, share your likes etc but keep your underwear on and both hands on your phone when doing it. A good provider will appreciate that. 

[badger]

9 hours ago, azdr0710 said:

I don't know who you're meeting.......but I'm sure you know some providers are fine with extensive pre-meet chat and others (usually, but not always, the lower-rated ones) definitely don't want to hear from giddy/nervous/chatty first-timers too much.........you may have to tread carefully here and, frankly, not piss him off!......if you haven't already told him what you like to do at a meeting, you should probably tell him that - in one to-the-point, discreet, polite text/email.......ask him for his thoughts and ideas and then minimize communication before the meet except for location/time/access logistics.......

and I don't know what this pre-meet chat is/was going to involve.......if it was about what you want to do at the meet, most providers do want that information........if it is about social anxiety, personal drama, etc., keep that to one or two sentences!.......

sounds like this isn't your first meet with a provider, though......that should help your nerves, but I know this is your first meet with this guy......as usual, firm handshake, look him in the eyes, smile, talk slowly, minimize weather talk and don't talk about yourself(!)......suggest an easy light massage by you on him (may show you care about him having fun, too).......then ease that into bigger fun.....

that's all I got!!.....let us know how it goes! 

Your whole first paaragraph is EXTREMELY helpful, thank you. This definitely isn't my first time, but it's my first time with him, and that always brings a bit of nerves (not in a bad way, but, you know what I mean.) I know some guys are happy to text quite a bit beforehand, some not so much, sometimes I have a hard time getting a feeling for which is the case. So it's nice to hear how other people handle it, that gives me some frame of reference. Thanks!

[pubic_assistance]

Personally...I prefer to mention a few basics upfront:  "I'm a top". "Wild over mild"...etc. and then see where the provider naturally takes things. Gives me a better sense of their natural inclinations...and skills.

Then afterwards discussing any special role play that I may want to schedule for a separate meet. I can tell you from much experience that giving someone a script doesn't always work whether you're paying a pro or hooking up with a rando. Best to check how adaptable someone is before getting too specific.

Edited August 20 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[Frog]

I tend to start a dialogue via the 'message me' function on rentmen. It's a kind of fairly brief standard intro along the lines of....'Loving your profile - very hot - and just wondered if you might be interested in meeting up at some point? Looking for an hour in-call so let me know the rate & roughly whereabouts you are and we can maybe go from there...'

I'll usually follow up with a 'Just so you know....' message, which says a bit about who I am, what I'm into, what I'm looking for etc., which ends with a 'Let me know if this sounds like your kind of thing and we can go from there...'

Depending on what happens next, things will either go nowhere (not really compatible), or we'll start setting up a meet.  At this point, I switch to WhatsApp and message them directly, making contact to set the date, time, location along with details like, 'Will message you when I'm on my way...' etc. 

I love it when guys get flirty ahead of meet ups - just thing it builds a bit more rapport and adds to the building expectation BUT I always take my cue from them and let them lead this.  I never push for it.  From my perspective, we've agreed to meet for an hour, anything else they want to offer outside of that is at their discretion. 

A couple of times guys I've met have wanted to speak ahead of meeting up - and we've had some pretty steamy phone sessions.  A couple have asked for photos and sent  XXX photos back.  Mostly, though...it's strictly business & logistics.  Hotel room no. Message me when you're nearby and I'll meet you in the foyer....that kind of thing. 

Afterwards, I always send a WA saying 'thank you' and expressing what I've enjoyed about our time together and asking them if they'd like me to post a review on RM.  Most will WA me back after seeing a review and then we kind of go our separate ways.....until the next time maybe...

[Simon Suraci]

1) You could request to schedule a brief phone call to discuss all your questions, concerns, and to get a feel for the guy. 5 mins tops. Typically free, but do not expect your provider to pick up a random unannounced call from you any time, anywhere. Schedule the call, or ask if it’s ok to call.

This minimizes the time your provider is spending seeing an alert from you, giving you his attention, then seeing another alert, stopping what he is doing to respond again, and so on. That process can drag on for hours, days, or even weeks if we don’t put boundaries around it. That process of setting boundaries is tricky because we have to strike a delicate balance between being firm, direct, honest, and polite. A lot of clients get butt hurt when we politely set a boundary instead of simply caving to their constant niggling one liner texts, demands for attention, and random half sentence questions / statements. Sometimes I get irritated and impatient and don’t handle it as well as I usually do.

A succinct few paragraph messages back and forth will cover everything you and he need. A brief phone call respects his time.

If you’re not calling:

Summarize all your questions, scenarios, requirements, wants and needs into one or just a few text messages. I appreciate these because I can answer them all in one shot. The guys who keep asking one question, then another, and then half another, and then re-ask the same questions…these are the time wasters, the people we want to block.

Here is a recent RentMen messenger exchange as an example of what NOT to do. Keep in mind the client waits a while between messages before sending another demand for attention. It’s really strung out over many hours at a stretch.

 

 

Edited August 20 by Simon Suraci
Cropped a photo to remove personally identifying info

[Casual]

Whoa! Did he ever actually book?

[Simon Suraci]

1 hour ago, Casual said:

Whoa! Did he ever actually book?

He DID book, and by some miracle he actually showed up when he said he would, we had the session, and he paid my rate. He was happy and plans to book again when I am in his city. That was that. Almost never do these end well, but this one did.

[wanderlust307]

2 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

1) You could request to schedule a brief phone call to discuss all your questions, concerns, and to get a feel for the guy. 5 mins tops. Typically free, but do not expect your provider to pick up a random unannounced call from you any time, anywhere. Schedule the call, or ask if it’s ok to call.

This minimizes the time your provider is spending seeing an alert from you, giving you his attention, then seeing another alert, stopping what he is doing to respond again, and so on. That process can drag on for hours, days, or even weeks if we don’t put boundaries around it. That process of setting boundaries is tricky because we have to strike a delicate balance between being firm, direct, honest, and polite. A lot of clients get butt hurt when we politely set a boundary instead of simply caving to their constant niggling one liner texts, demands for attention, and random half sentence questions / statements. Sometimes I get irritated and impatient and don’t handle it as well as I usually do.

A succinct few paragraph messages back and forth will cover everything you and he need. A brief phone call respects his time.

If you’re not calling:

Summarize all your questions, scenarios, requirements, wants and needs into one or just a few text messages. I appreciate these because I can answer them all in one shot. The guys who keep asking one question, then another, and then half another, and then re-ask the same questions…these are the time wasters, the people we want to block.

Here is a recent RentMen messenger exchange as an example of what NOT to do. Keep in mind the client waits a while between messages before sending another demand for attention. It’s really strung out over many hours at a stretch.

 

You have a ton of patience...

[badger]

13 hours ago, rvwnsd said:

I frequently have some back-and-forth about the session in advance of it taking place. Not cyber-sex but going over things we both like/don't like/are absolute showstoppers. However, I'm also careful to avoid turning the exchange into sex-via-text. As @pubic_assistance's post implies, there is a limit to the amount of off-the-clock time should be spent discussing specifics. Another way to approach the situation is to ask if the provider would be willing to have a 15-minute call/message exchange in return for one quarter of his hourly rate. 

This is great, thank you

[badger]

4 hours ago, Frog said:

I tend to start a dialogue via the 'message me' function on rentmen. It's a kind of fairly brief standard intro along the lines of....'Loving your profile - very hot - and just wondered if you might be interested in meeting up at some point? Looking for an hour in-call so let me know the rate & roughly whereabouts you are and we can maybe go from there...'

I'll usually follow up with a 'Just so you know....' message, which says a bit about who I am, what I'm into, what I'm looking for etc., which ends with a 'Let me know if this sounds like your kind of thing and we can go from there...'

Depending on what happens next, things will either go nowhere (not really compatible), or we'll start setting up a meet.  At this point, I switch to WhatsApp and message them directly, making contact to set the date, time, location along with details like, 'Will message you when I'm on my way...' etc. 

I love it when guys get flirty ahead of meet ups - just thing it builds a bit more rapport and adds to the building expectation BUT I always take my cue from them and let them lead this.  I never push for it.  From my perspective, we've agreed to meet for an hour, anything else they want to offer outside of that is at their discretion. 

A couple of times guys I've met have wanted to speak ahead of meeting up - and we've had some pretty steamy phone sessions.  A couple have asked for photos and sent  XXX photos back.  Mostly, though...it's strictly business & logistics.  Hotel room no. Message me when you're nearby and I'll meet you in the foyer....that kind of thing. 

Afterwards, I always send a WA saying 'thank you' and expressing what I've enjoyed about our time together and asking them if they'd like me to post a review on RM.  Most will WA me back after seeing a review and then we kind of go our separate ways.....until the next time maybe...

Yeah generally my first/second messages are exactly like what you said.

[badger]

3 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

1) You could request to schedule a brief phone call to discuss all your questions, concerns, and to get a feel for the guy. 5 mins tops. Typically free, but do not expect your provider to pick up a random unannounced call from you any time, anywhere. Schedule the call, or ask if it’s ok to call.

This minimizes the time your provider is spending seeing an alert from you, giving you his attention, then seeing another alert, stopping what he is doing to respond again, and so on. That process can drag on for hours, days, or even weeks if we don’t put boundaries around it. That process of setting boundaries is tricky because we have to strike a delicate balance between being firm, direct, honest, and polite. A lot of clients get butt hurt when we politely set a boundary instead of simply caving to their constant niggling one liner texts, demands for attention, and random half sentence questions / statements. Sometimes I get irritated and impatient and don’t handle it as well as I usually do.

A succinct few paragraph messages back and forth will cover everything you and he need. A brief phone call respects his time.

If you’re not calling:

Summarize all your questions, scenarios, requirements, wants and needs into one or just a few text messages. I appreciate these because I can answer them all in one shot. The guys who keep asking one question, then another, and then half another, and then re-ask the same questions…these are the time wasters, the people we want to block.

Here is a recent RentMen messenger exchange as an example of what NOT to do. Keep in mind the client waits a while between messages before sending another demand for attention. It’s really strung out over many hours at a stretch.

 

Wow yeah as socially awkward as I can occasionally be, I DEFINITELY know not to be this guy lol

I do like to have a chance to put out my interests and requests ahead of time, I also enjoy it if texts get hit or flirty, but I certainly don't want to monopolize anyone's time. 

I would like a way to say, basically, "hey are you up for some text conversation beforehand to lay out interests and requests, possibly set a little vibe, possibly a little sex talk, I am willing to pay a bit extra for that if you'd like, or also you can just say no you're not open to more than a basic introduction text" but, y'know, a little more succinctly. 

[badger]

And after all of this, the guy ghosted me! On Saturday night we agreed to 2pm today, he would host. I messaged him around 9 this morning, saying "good morning, still good for 2pm today?" And never heard back.

But I'm glad I made the original post anyway, y'all really gave me some very helpful information and opinions.

[+ JamesB]

5 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Here is a recent RentMen messenger exchange as an example of what NOT to do. Keep in mind the client waits a while between messages before sending another demand for attention. It’s really strung out over many hours at a stretch.

 

Simon, I have to say I truly admire your patience.

[Jamie21]

1 hour ago, JamesB said:

 

Simon, I have to say I truly admire your patience.

Me too…that’s an exchange I’d have given up on much earlier. Those kind of enquiries almost always are timewasters. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

4 hours ago, wanderlust307 said:

You have a ton of patience...

Agreed. I would have told him to stop sexting and get to the point.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

7 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

 

Holy shit, this is exactly why I don't allow for chat on the RM system.

You're a saint for having this amount of patience.  I need to get you a trophy.