struggling to connect / find intimacy

[pubic_assistance]

On 8/25/2024 at 12:41 PM, lseactuary90 said:

The expectation is not to "find love", its to "experience more". If everything only starts/ends with a hookup, I'm not sure how long one can "enjoy" that for?

In my experience the goal in a relationship is to find someone who "gets you" and cares for you.

Obviously it's a mutual hunt.

Its important when any connection is felt, that you understand it's also your responsibility to make the other person feel desired. 

It's a common mistake in people to want to be the person who's being chased, not do the chasing.

[lseactuary90]

20 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

In my experience the goal in a relationship is to find someone who "gets you" and cares for you.

Obviously it's a mutual hunt.

Its important when any connection is felt, that you understand it's also your responsibility to make the other person feel desired. 

It's a common mistake in people to want to be the person who's being chased, not do the chasing.

Agree and this is what is hard

[pubic_assistance]

1 minute ago, lseactuary90 said:

Agree and this is what is hard

Well...as we grow older we change our priorities. What doesn't change is that people want to feel wanted. I would try to keep in touch with anyone who might have interested you. Even as friends. Desire is an elusive force and sometimes circles around for a fresh take.

My wife and I were 'besties' for a decade. Dating other people / fucking other people ..and after many mini-relationships decided we were missing the obvious. That WE were the ones who were always left standing after everyone else disappointed.

[coriolis888]

On 8/24/2024 at 8:14 PM, lseactuary90 said:

This is my 3rd therapist in NY. I'm not saying I'm the victim, I'm legitimately trying to find solutions.

I agree that physical places with other similar interests will help which has always been my focus. But there needs to be someone available too. For example, I love cooking and have gone to many cooking classes - but they are full of couples or much older people only. Similarly when I joined LGBT sports groups, the people who 'stayed' already were in relationships, or similar. I did make some friends though.

Sure, and I assumed this was normal, but even getting a first date is so rare for me. 

I have read the entire thread thus far with your many posts.  It is clear that you or your therapists have given you a remarkable insight into yourself.  Of course, it is possible that  you developed the insight without the therapists.  

Sometimes, as Lewis Carroll wrote in his Walrus and Carpenter poem, maybe there is no answer that will solve needs ("answer came there none").

Keep up the interesting posts.