Trust

[FaustOust]

How do you come to trust a provider whom you hire regularly or for extended periods of time?  Don’t most of them, even reputable escorts, at some level, look down on clients and see us just as ATMs?  How do you know if you’ve found an exception?

[MaybeMaybeNot]

I am not experienced enough to answer that; however, I have worked for businesses before.  We sold a service to our clients. We would not have provided the service without pay, but that didn't mean we didn't care for them as people and meet their needs for the right reasons. The staff got paid to provide a service, but they cared about the people they were working for,  sometimes working a bit longer unpaid or taking client calls on personal time because they cared.

[jmichaeliii]

I think it's like any relationship in life.  You build a rapport with each other, there is a consistency with how they treat you.  I think after awhile your gut will tell you.

I have 2 guys I have seen for a year and I trust them totally based on what our interactions have been like over that period.

You can always be wrong, but that could be with anyone in life.

[viewing ownly]

I'm unclear where trust is in the equation. You're the one who is trusted if you're a regular, dependable client. I do read men on here very occasionally mention how a genuine friendship was formed, and for that, I'm quite jealous. Yes, to people I patronized regularly (and I wasn't alone, by any means), I am just an ATM. An ATM they take great care of in my company, which is why I am willing to see again. And again. 

 

[blck37]

This is ultimately a 'human business' - you gotta trust your gut. Do not let your junior do (much of) the thinking.

Learn to play the game well - the relationship is founded on transaction, every interaction is based on mutual gains, there could be something else overtime (eg respect or even geniune platonic care/friendship) but it rarely go beyond what they would cultivate in their personal life.

I trust my regular to care for my needs when he is on the clock, appreciate his views on life matters but would take his sweet talks with a grain of salt as its his job to make his client feel special. You pay him to do that. 

[Keenan]

From the view of a provider, there is also trust that goes into the client.  This past week I had two appointments scheduled and then twice was ghosted by the client which is time I could've spent with another client.  Also to the initial question, this is business for a provider, we aren't giving away our services for free.  Yes each client we can bring in and appointment we can book is more money we can make though that doesn't mean we won't treat the client with respect during the time booked.  Flip the books, if an provider sees the client as an ATM does the client see the provider as a sexual object for their desires?

[jmichaeliii]

4 hours ago, blck37 said:

This is ultimately a 'human business' - you gotta trust your gut. Do not let your junior do (much of) the thinking.

Learn to play the game well - the relationship is founded on transaction, every interaction is based on mutual gains, there could be something else overtime (eg respect or even geniune platonic care/friendship) but it rarely go beyond what they would cultivate in their personal life.

I trust my regular to care for my needs when he is on the clock, appreciate his views on life matters but would take his sweet talks with a grain of salt as its his job to make his client feel special. You pay him to do that. 

Well said

[Vin Marco]

9 hours ago, FaustOust said:

even reputable escorts, at some level, look down on clients and see us just as ATMs?

Not in the slightest pal.  That's a pretty gross generalization, not to say some people don't see clients that way, but to say a reputable escort looks down upon his clients and views them as ATM's is overstepping the mark. Trust works both ways and that's coming from someone who has earned the trust and respect of a lot of people over the course of time.  
Let me tell you a little story about trust.... I have the keys of multiple peoples homes.( Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, NYC, Dallas... )  I have clients who when they travel allow me to stay at their places and see clients... nobody in their right mind would do that without really trusting somebody... for years I used house sit and stay at a clients house that split his time between the desert and Indonesia... many years into doing this, he had me come over to show me how some new electronics worked, and before I left, I told him, "I hope you know I never bring people here" and he looked at me with a bewildered look on his face and asked me, "what do you mean you don't see people here? and I told him, "I would never bring anyone into your house. not with all these valuables.."  all those years he assumed I was seeing people, but I didn't want to take the risk of something going missing....  that day he convinced me that it was totally fine and it was his hope that I could enjoy his place and make money to which I replied by saying, "well how about I never bring a total stranger here? " And he said while tapping me on the back,  "it's totally up to you, but I trust you implicitly"  I'm sure a lot of people don't see it this way, but for me, to be trusted is as good or better than to be loved.  The friend I speak of that lived in the desert is just one of a few people who I have that same arrangement with. That kind of trust isn't built and earned over the course of a few visits...these are people that I have been seeing for well over 10 and 15 years.
I can't speak for everyone but I view and  treat  no one like an ATM and I'm  positive I'm not the only one. 

[Vin Marco]

* Honolulu as well. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

As with many things related to this hobby, it depends on the provider (and, I suspect, the client). 

I've had some great experiences with providers I've seen once or multiple times, who seemed to enjoy their work and I never got the impression they saw me as an ATM. And I've had a few experiences where it was obvious that they were just there for the money. The latter group won't be hired again. 

With the people who don't make me feel like an ATM, there's definitely more trust. 

[soloyo215]

10 hours ago, FaustOust said:

How do you come to trust a provider whom you hire regularly or for extended periods of time?  Don’t most of them, even reputable escorts, at some level, look down on clients and see us just as ATMs?  How do you know if you’ve found an exception?

Not all providers have an attitude of looking down on clients. In fact, the moment I perceive that, I'm done with the provider, sometimes I don't even get to hire him. That's a deal breaker to me. I am no ATM to anyone, and my attitude is one that the hiring and service is a mutually beneficial situation: he needs money, I have money, I need a service, they can provide a service. I am respectful, but that's not an invitation to be degraded for being a client.

I've never been so enchanted by a provider that I am willing to lower my personal standards of living and conducting myself. To my surprise, I have gotten that attitude from providers that I have not expected that from. The opposite is also true. Some guys that look to me as being there just to be worshiped have turned out to be quite friendly and personable.

Also in my experience, since I screen for attitude, there is no "exception" per se, but guys that I weed out of my pool for having misjudged them. I have the feeling that some might in fact look down on me for being a client, but they don't show it. They keep that to themselves (I guess they don't want to bite the hand that feeds them).

[jmichaeliii]

2 minutes ago, soloyo215 said:

Not all providers have an attitude of looking down on clients. In fact, the moment I perceive that, I'm done with the provider, sometimes I don't even get to hire him. That's a deal breaker to me. I am no ATM to anyone, and my attitude is one that the hiring and service is a mutually beneficial situation: he needs money, I have money, I need a service, they can provide a service. I am respectful, but that's not an invitation to be degraded for being a client.

I've never been so enchanted by a provider that I am willing to lower my personal standards of living and conducting myself. To my surprise, I have gotten that attitude from providers that I have not expected that from. The opposite is also true. Some guys that look to me as being there just to be worshiped have turned out to be quite friendly and personable.

Also in my experience, since I screen for attitude, there is no "exception" per se, but guys that I weed out of my pool for having misjudged them. I have the feeling that some might in fact look down on me for being a client, but they don't show it. They keep that to themselves (I guess they don't want to bite the hand that feeds them).

I've also found that some of the hottest guys I have hired have also turned out to be the nicest and very giving!  So you just never know.

[Jamie21]

Like any job some people do the job just for the money and some do it because it’s their vocation. A client will be able to tell who’s in it just for the money and who’s in it because they genuinely enjoy the work. Why shouldn’t a provider who discovers he’s good at the work not get paid for it just like any job? If you enjoy the work you don’t see clients as ATM’s but as customers to keep happy (because that’s a big part of the job satisfaction) and as individuals to value (because that’s what being in a people business is about). The providers who see clients as ATM’s don’t last long in this business because it’s all about repeat clients. 

[rvwnsd]

12 hours ago, FaustOust said:

...Don’t most of them, even reputable escorts, at some level, look down on clients...

I have never met an escort who looks down on their clients. Why would they?

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

10 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

...I am just an ATM...

It took years for me to trust an ATM.  I would always go to the human teller at the bank instead.  The first time I needed cash in a hurry on a Sunday in 2008 when the banks were closed, I gave in and used an ATM for the first time.  Lo and behold, it deducted money from my account but never dispensed the money.  It took weeks to get that money back into my account.  It was several years before I used an ATM again, in 2015.

[CuriousByNature]

11 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

It took years for me to trust an ATM.  I would always go to the human teller at the bank instead.  The first time I needed cash in a hurry on a Sunday in 2008 when the banks were closed, I gave in and used an ATM for the first time.  Lo and behold, it deducted money from my account but never dispensed the money.  It took weeks to get that money back into my account.  It was several years before I used an ATM again, in 2015.

My cousin refuses to deposit cash or cheques in the ATM because she thinks they can go missing somewhere behind the screen.  

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

20 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

My cousin refuses to deposit cash or cheques in the ATM because she thinks they can go missing somewhere behind the screen.  

Oh, I have never deposited anything via an ATM.  I'll only withdraw.  I still wait in line to use the human tellers.

As for men I hire, I trust them on my 2nd visit.  On a first visit, I only carry exactly as much cash as our discussed price.  By the 2nd meeting, I don't worry if I have excess cash on me.  I've even given my hotel room keys to escorts on a 2nd visit who forgot something and need to run back to their car/apartment and get it, so I wouldn't have to meet them in the elevator with my key when they return.

Edited September 9 by Vegas_Millennial

[rvwnsd]

52 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

It took years for me to trust an ATM.  I would always go to the human teller at the bank instead.  The first time I needed cash in a hurry on a Sunday in 2008 when the banks were closed, I gave in and used an ATM for the first time.  Lo and behold, it deducted money from my account but never dispensed the money.  It took weeks to get that money back into my account.  It was several years before I used an ATM again, in 2015.

Having worked in banking for most of my career, I can tell you cash not being dispensed doesn't happen very often, but it does happen. It shouldn't take you weeks to get the money credited back to your account. The machine should be shut down and balanced as soon as the complaint is received and then the money should be credited back to your account. Shouldn't take more than a day or two. 

27 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Oh, I have never deposited anything via an ATM.  I'll only withdraw.  I still wait in line to use the human tellers.

Deposits go missing more often than banks would like to admit.  The advent of envelope-less deposits (where the checks are scanned and cash counted at the ATM) has significantly reduced the frequency, but it does occur. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get a receipt and request images of the checks if the ATM gives you the option to do so.

28 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

As for men I hire, I trust them on my 2nd visit.  On a first visit, I only carry exactly as much cash as our discussed price.  By the 2nd meeting, I don't worry if I have excess cash on me.  I've even given my hotel room keys to escorts on a 2nd visit who forgot something and need to run back to their car/apartment and get it, so I wouldn't have to meet them in the elevator with my key when they return.

Same here. I host pretty frequently and watch the guy like a hawk on visit #1 and relax my guard on subsequent visits. One guy even became my backup cat sitter. He doted on them even more than I do, which is saying something.

[+ DynamicUno]

16 hours ago, FaustOust said:

How do you come to trust a provider whom you hire regularly or for extended periods of time?  Don’t most of them, even reputable escorts, at some level, look down on clients and see us just as ATMs?  How do you know if you’ve found an exception?

In my experience, few successful escorts look down on their clients or see them as ATMs.  Most that do have that attitude flush out pretty quickly.  The relationship is transactional, to be sure, but the successful guys tend to respect their clients so long as the respect is mutual.  Honestly, I'd say that statement says far more about you and your perception of sex workers.

[soloyo215]

3 hours ago, rvwnsd said:

I have never met an escort who looks down on their clients. Why would they?

I have. It doesn't make sense to do that, but some do. However, in my experience, that attitude seems to be more pervasive in some countries more than others, and in street hustlers more than in people who spend money advertising and have profiles online.

[Vin Marco]

2 minutes ago, soloyo215 said:

more than in people who spend money advertising and have profiles online.

And or those that have made a career and built a life consistent with their dreams and desires... those that have built a good reputation and intend on keeping it.  

[soloyo215]

18 minutes ago, Vin Marco said:

And or those that have made a career and built a life consistent with their dreams and desires... those that have built a good reputation and intend on keeping it.  

Of course, most definitely.

[myophile]

 

If this forum has any value at all, it is as a clearing house for these sorts of awkward but important issues.

TL:DR — what Danny said, every word.

In addition, I would advise any would-be client to carefully read RM reviews, and comments here, in order to judge whether a provider is trustworthy or not. 

For my own part, I only schedule repeat dates with providers who seem comfortable with me, and more importantly, comfortable in their own skin — guys who can carry on a conversation, who express some measure of interest in me, and don’t mind sharing something about themselves, with the goal of establishing, at the very least, a cordial professional relationship, and at best, a lasting friendship.

For what it’s worth, I apply EXACTLY these same criteria in evaluating a personal trainer, or a physical therapist, or a masseur.

I count some of my closest friends among members of these professions — “Gentlemen of the Evening” most definitely included. I am fascinated by what they do, grateful that I can afford their services, and prepared to celebrate them, both as people and as high level professionals, to whoever will listen.

 

 

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Edited September 9 by myophile

[+ glutes]

Trust is like virginity, once lost, you can't get it back.

[big-n-tall]

As posters have said, you shouldn't assume escorts look down on their clients and only use them as atm's. Sure there are those types, but in my many years doing this, only a very few I've encountered made meetups feel transactional.

Trust swings both ways and that trust usually develops over time. It can lead to continuously mutually beneficial and pleasurable encounters. And yes, in some cases, actual friendship. How that trust develops varies.

In my case... one of the newer providers, who has become a regular, has done things to earn my trust early on. I think we both trust each other fairly well at this point. I mean I've met his mom via facetime. He's talked about me to her a lot and she even wants us to come visit her. LOL! One of the things he has done to solidify that trust happened when I went to visit him earlier in the year. I was going to be staying in his area for a few days. We had planned to do an overnight, but because of his non-escort job(s) it turned out he couldn't. Well as it turned out when he wasn't working, he decided to stay with me at my hotel. He would come over at night, stay until the afternoon the next day, go to work, and come back again. He drove me around the city and even took me by one of his jobs. In effect, we did a 3 day encounter for an overnight rate. He even got up early my last day to drive me to the airport. How can I not trust someone who does all that without hesitation?

He has been a fantastic hire and one I definitely consider a friend... one of a small number, I've met over the years through this hobby. He, like the others, has done things, talked about things, and showed me things that prove to me, he's someone I can trust. That type of trust has to be developed. It doesn't hurt that we seem to genuinely like each other.

Edited September 10 by big-n-tall