How do I explain my limitations when hiring a provider?

[phil_hunter]

I am an older guy, still in good shape, working out twice a week, reasonably presentable, and easy to talk to. But I'm really self-conscious about my sexual ability. I was successfully treated for prostate cancer 10 years ago. I can have an orgasm but I don't ejaculate. I can still get hard, though typically with the help of a cock ring or ED pill. Even when I don't stay really hard for long, it still feels great. It takes a while for me to climax, and sometimes I don't get there. I'm happy to bottom; I like toys. But it's been a long time since I had sex with anyone, and it's time for me to experience physical intimacy again.

So how do I find a provider who will have the patience that I need? I don't want to seem like "a lot of work." Maybe I should start with someone who does erotic massage, where they're accustomed to taking their time (and oil sounds like fun!). Eventually, I'd like to find someone to play with, so he's having a good time, too.

I feel as if that's a lot to explain when contacting a provider, a bit much to leave in voicemail, but this forum is filled with the advice to be very clear when contacting someone. So how do I manage that?

[phil_hunter]

I should add that I live in San Francisco.

[jmichaeliii]

23 minutes ago, phil_hunter said:

I am an older guy, still in good shape, working out twice a week, reasonably presentable, and easy to talk to. But I'm really self-conscious about my sexual ability. I was successfully treated for prostate cancer 10 years ago. I can have an orgasm but I don't ejaculate. I can still get hard, though typically with the help of a cock ring or ED pill. Even when I don't stay really hard for long, it still feels great. It takes a while for me to climax, and sometimes I don't get there. I'm happy to bottom; I like toys. But it's been a long time since I had sex with anyone, and it's time for me to experience physical intimacy again.

So how do I find a provider who will have the patience that I need? I don't want to seem like "a lot of work." Maybe I should start with someone who does erotic massage, where they're accustomed to taking their time (and oil sounds like fun!). Eventually, I'd like to find someone to play with, so he's having a good time, too.

I feel as if that's a lot to explain when contacting a provider, a bit much to leave in voicemail, but this forum is filled with the advice to be very clear when contacting someone. So how do I manage that?

I'd say research providers you are interested in and read their reviews.  You can generally get a good feel from that then reach out and see how they communicate.  If you get a good vibe from the communication set up a meet and chat some more.

Always remember you are the paying customer, and the quality providers will work with you and what you are comfortable with.  The good ones really want to go out of their way to show a good time.  

I have a few I see and I've had some off days myself where I didn't perform like I had hoped and none of them made me feel bad about it. 

Best of luck.  Do your homework and try to vet guys through this site.  There is a lot of good insight here.

[dbar123]

You’re overthinking this. Find a provider you like with a bit more age and experience- like late 30’s or more. By that point they’ve seen pretty much everything

[Moke]

I think you can’t go wrong with Allen Silver if he is your type. Does massage and Sacred Intimate full service.  Whoever you see, I’d be matter of fact about what you are into and what your sexual response is right now. Don’t apologize or act like you are laying down some heavy cards on the table. It’s nothing to apologize for. 
 

https://allensi.com/

[Jamie21]

No decent provider will have any expectations of your performance. Honestly it doesn’t matter to them if you don’t stay hard long or you don’t shoot all over the place. What really matters is you’re a nice guy who turns up and enjoys himself. 

I do find it useful to know if you don’t cum when you orgasm, or if you might not get there (although I see that as a challenge ha ha). But none of this is of much importance to me as long as I can tell that you’re enjoying yourself….and if you are then I am too. 

Last week I saw a client who doesn’t cum when he orgasms - medical reasons. Another guy last week has a patch where his insulin is delivered (he removed the insulin line before we started but said he may need a bite to eat part way through - no problem). I had to avoid the patch area when massaging him.

Another time a client had a pump thing he used to get his cock hard - he told me about that because you could feel it under the skin. I’ve had similar with guys who had a pacemaker thing in their chest. It’s really not unusual to see clients with conditions or things that they think might be a limiting factor in how their session runs. 

I find all of it interesting and to be honest it’s kind of flattering because they chose me for their session. It’s a turn on for me to know that this person laying on my massage table or in the bed had all the providers in London to choose and they saw my profile and said ‘yeah him, he looks ok’. Then they come and enjoy themselves, leave happy and even better they book again. How awesome is that! 😊. 

Most guys doing this work for any length of time will be doing it because they genuinely enjoy the job in the way I describe. Find one of those providers, tell him what you need to for your peace of mind and then let him do his thing. Relax, enjoy yourself, explore, smile, don’t take it too seriously or over think It. I would also say I agree massage would be a good idea, it’s nice to build intimacy and is like a seduction….and you’re right about the oil! 

The previous posters @jmichaeliiiand @dbar123 both said it too. They’re right. My perspective from a provider point of view is the same as theirs. 

 

 

[PhileasFogg]

I hope you know that you’re not alone.  Please also know that, beyond the support of pharmaceuticals and toys, there might be a phycological aspect that can be addressed through counseling.   

[jmichaeliii]

1 hour ago, Jamie21 said:

No decent provider will have any expectations of your performance. Honestly it doesn’t matter to them if you don’t stay hard long or you don’t shoot all over the place. What really matters is you’re a nice guy who turns up and enjoys himself. 

I do find it useful to know if you don’t cum when you orgasm, or if you might not get there (although I see that as a challenge ha ha). But none of this is of much importance to me as long as I can tell that you’re enjoying yourself….and if you are then I am too. 

Last week I saw a client who doesn’t cum when he orgasms - medical reasons. Another guy last week has a patch where his insulin is delivered (he removed the insulin line before we started but said he may need a bite to eat part way through - no problem). I had to avoid the patch area when massaging him.

Another time a client had a pump thing he used to get his cock hard - he told me about that because you could feel it under the skin. I’ve had similar with guys who had a pacemaker thing in their chest. It’s really not unusual to see clients with conditions or things that they think might be a limiting factor in how their session runs. 

I find all of it interesting and to be honest it’s kind of flattering because they chose me for their session. It’s a turn on for me to know that this person laying on my massage table or in the bed had all the providers in London to choose and they saw my profile and said ‘yeah him, he looks ok’. Then they come and enjoy themselves, leave happy and even better they book again. How awesome is that! 😊. 

Most guys doing this work for any length of time will be doing it because they genuinely enjoy the job in the way I describe. Find one of those providers, tell him what you need to for your peace of mind and then let him do his thing. Relax, enjoy yourself, explore, smile, don’t take it too seriously or over think It. I would also say I agree massage would be a good idea, it’s nice to build intimacy and is like a seduction….and you’re right about the oil! 

The previous posters @jmichaeliiiand @dbar123 both said it too. They’re right. My perspective from a provider point of view is the same as theirs. 

 

 

Your first paragraph says it all.  I had the same fears initially and I was fortunate the first guy I hired I clicked with and he is my go to.

I like to try new things and learn more about myself and what I like.   I can talk with him about absolutely anything that I am curious about.  Really the only person in this world I can talk to about this stuff.  We have tried things I like and things I don't.   He has always made our meets  amazing, never judgemental and no ego.  I have met other guys and I find the majority are like this,  but it is really nice to find someone you have a special bond with and are completely at ease and happy to spend time with.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

7 hours ago, dbar123 said:

You’re overthinking this. Find a provider you like with a bit more age and experience- like late 30’s or more. By that point they’ve seen pretty much everything

💯 Agree

9 hours ago, phil_hunter said:

I can have an orgasm but I don't ejaculate.

Just this week I couldn't ejaculate with a provider, but we kept playing and I kept telling him "that feels good, keep going" and he kept at it and it felt great, despite the fact that I couldn't orgasm with him at that hour.  This happens to me often, but I don't give it much thought and the providers are always happy to see me again. 

9 hours ago, phil_hunter said:

I can still get hard, though typically with the help of a cock ring or ED pill.

Not just clients, but many older providers are in the same boat.  It's not uncommon for me to play with an escort or massuer who is wearing a cock ring, or who tells me he uses an ED pill.

Relax and enjoy.  You're human, and the best of escorts know the most about the full human condition.  Enjoy!

[jmichaeliii]

29 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

💯 Agree

Just this week I couldn't ejaculate with a provider, but we kept playing and I kept telling him "that feels good, keep going" and he kept at it and it felt great, despite the fact that I couldn't orgasm with him at that hour.  This happens to me often, but I don't give it much thought and the providers are always happy to see me again. 

Not just clients, but many older providers are in the same boat.  It's not uncommon for me to play with an escort or massuer who is wearing a cock ring, or who tells me he uses an ED pill.

Relax and enjoy.  You're human, and the best of escorts know the most about the full human condition.  Enjoy!

There are sessions where I can't orgasm either.  It's so not a big deal, it's more in our head.  There are some sessions where a hot Makeout session and great massage make my day, and my guy knows it.  He jokingly calls me a spoiled boy!  

[jackcali]

The above posters are right.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  I myself am a gift to (or a crash dummy for) the medical establishment.  I've had more conditions and syndromes and surgeries and other medical interventions than you can imagine.  My sexual performance is unreliable and evanescent, as much as I enjoy it myself.   This is exactly the reason I hire, to be free of the concerns you describe.  (Well, that and to meet much hotter guys than I could otherwise.)  In my experience, most escorts take their clients as they find them and adjust accordingly.  Hire someone who looks hot to you and go with it.  If you can get out of your own head, you'll enjoy it. 

[+ JamesB]

You're definitely overthinking it. I'm on Flomax right now, so my ejaculation is pretty unreliable, but I've never had any issues with providers or felt the need to explain it to them. Of course, my regulars are aware of it.

[blck37]

To be frank:

● if you were to top: seems like easy work for the bottom. In any event they are engaged for the hour and not per ejaculation

●if you were to bottom: 99.99999% (but really its 100%) tops wont care if you cant get hard. They are there to perform, not you. You can be the laziest bottom in the world, (a pro escort) would not complaint.

Of course a client should be considerate towards the hired provider - but there is absolutely no sexual performance expectation would be placed on the client. If you want to make them happy, $$$ is the way to go.

Anyhow always communicate if you have any health issues to watch out, for your own safety.

 

[blck37]

3 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

💯 Agree

Just this week I couldn't ejaculate with a provider, but we kept playing and I kept telling him "that feels good, keep going" and he kept at it and it felt great, despite the fact that I couldn't orgasm with him at that hour.  This happens to me often, but I don't give it much thought and the providers are always happy to see me again. 

Not just clients, but many older providers are in the same boat.  It's not uncommon for me to play with an escort or massuer who is wearing a cock ring, or who tells me he uses an ED pill.

Relax and enjoy.  You're human, and the best of escorts know the most about the full human condition.  Enjoy!

I knw of a provider who would wear cock ring whenever with me so to stay hard, but doesnt need one if he were to fck other provider (for obv reasons). Its just the way of life, enjoy the session. Self acceptance is liberating

[LaffingBear]

Just tell them.  Perhaps try to choose someone who seems a little more experienced. 

Chances are, they've heard it all:  if prior clients wanted to dress up like a girl scout and be tickled with cookies, or wear a collar and leash and do it on the doggy bed, your escort isn't going to be phased by your situation.

[+ glennnnn]

It works both ways! Speak up for what you want. I told my masseur  I wanted to suck his cock and he agreed. I told him I wanted him to cum in my mouth and he did. He mentioned he wanted to fuck me and.......I see him again in two weeks. 😍 wish me luck😋I must also mention that these extras  led to a modest adjustment in the rate and a nice tip.. Fair is fair

Edited October 4 by glennnnn

[Simon Suraci]

14 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

No decent provider will have any expectations of your performance. Honestly it doesn’t matter to them if you don’t stay hard long or you don’t shoot all over the place. What really matters is you’re a nice guy who turns up and enjoys himself. 

I do find it useful to know if you don’t cum when you orgasm, or if you might not get there (although I see that as a challenge ha ha). But none of this is of much importance to me as long as I can tell that you’re enjoying yourself….and if you are then I am too. 

Last week I saw a client who doesn’t cum when he orgasms - medical reasons. Another guy last week has a patch where his insulin is delivered (he removed the insulin line before we started but said he may need a bite to eat part way through - no problem). I had to avoid the patch area when massaging him.

Another time a client had a pump thing he used to get his cock hard - he told me about that because you could feel it under the skin. I’ve had similar with guys who had a pacemaker thing in their chest. It’s really not unusual to see clients with conditions or things that they think might be a limiting factor in how their session runs. 

I find all of it interesting and to be honest it’s kind of flattering because they chose me for their session. It’s a turn on for me to know that this person laying on my massage table or in the bed had all the providers in London to choose and they saw my profile and said ‘yeah him, he looks ok’. Then they come and enjoy themselves, leave happy and even better they book again. How awesome is that! 😊. 

Most guys doing this work for any length of time will be doing it because they genuinely enjoy the job in the way I describe. Find one of those providers, tell him what you need to for your peace of mind and then let him do his thing. Relax, enjoy yourself, explore, smile, don’t take it too seriously or over think It. I would also say I agree massage would be a good idea, it’s nice to build intimacy and is like a seduction….and you’re right about the oil! 

The previous posters @jmichaeliiiand @dbar123 both said it too. They’re right. My perspective from a provider point of view is the same as theirs. 

 

 

I second @Jamie21’s post. Same sentiments, and I’ve seen the same clients. Pumps, orgasm without cum, cum without orgasm, difficultly reaching orgasm. You name it, I’ve seen it all. It makes no difference to me. A professional cares about you. Not your abilities, inabilities, looks, body, etc. We are here to fill a need, and we do. The pros meet you where you’re at. Don’t question what you need to bring to the table. Find the right guy (do your research) and the rest will fall into place! Good luck and have fun 

[+ ThroatCummer]

On 10/3/2024 at 9:33 PM, phil_hunter said:

I am an older guy, still in good shape, working out twice a week, reasonably presentable, and easy to talk to. But I'm really self-conscious about my sexual ability. I was successfully treated for prostate cancer 10 years ago. I can have an orgasm but I don't ejaculate. I can still get hard, though typically with the help of a cock ring or ED pill. Even when I don't stay really hard for long, it still feels great. It takes a while for me to climax, and sometimes I don't get there. I'm happy to bottom; I like toys. But it's been a long time since I had sex with anyone, and it's time for me to experience physical intimacy again.

So how do I find a provider who will have the patience that I need? I don't want to seem like "a lot of work." Maybe I should start with someone who does erotic massage, where they're accustomed to taking their time (and oil sounds like fun!). Eventually, I'd like to find someone to play with, so he's having a good time, too.

I feel as if that's a lot to explain when contacting a provider, a bit much to leave in voicemail, but this forum is filled with the advice to be very clear when contacting someone. So how do I manage that?

You say EXACTLY what you just posted here in the first paragraph.  After you've engaged and went back and forth once or twice, you write that.  

Any provider worth your money will have zero problems and will love to know that to make your experience better.  One bit of advice is find someone over 30 years old.  Generally speaking, and there are exceptions, these guys have the experience in handling all types and will make it worth every penny.  Good luck!!

[DWnyc]

Good providers will have no problem with what you’re describing - you’re engaging them not the other way round. Treat them respectfully and professionally and from these good ones you will get the same in return. 

 @Jamie21 @Simon Suraci fall into that category as you can see from their replies 

But yes some providers are not so cool. Good advice above in how to manage that. Pay attention to the tone and content of any comms while enquiring / setting up appointments for clues on how they may be with you. 

Don’t be intimated and go forward. If you’re in a position to hire you deserve whatever is standard for a provider with their clientele.

Dont be afraid to air anything on your mind and to be assertive in asking for what you need. You can’t fault providers for not delivering by reading your mind - none of us can.

Good luck and have fun! 

 

[misterhumphries]

On 10/3/2024 at 8:33 PM, phil_hunter said:

I am an older guy, still in good shape, working out twice a week, reasonably presentable, and easy to talk to. But I'm really self-conscious about my sexual ability. I was successfully treated for prostate cancer 10 years ago. I can have an orgasm but I don't ejaculate. I can still get hard, though typically with the help of a cock ring or ED pill. Even when I don't stay really hard for long, it still feels great. It takes a while for me to climax, and sometimes I don't get there. I'm happy to bottom; I like toys. But it's been a long time since I had sex with anyone, and it's time for me to experience physical intimacy again.

So how do I find a provider who will have the patience that I need? I don't want to seem like "a lot of work." Maybe I should start with someone who does erotic massage, where they're accustomed to taking their time (and oil sounds like fun!). Eventually, I'd like to find someone to play with, so he's having a good time, too.

I feel as if that's a lot to explain when contacting a provider, a bit much to leave in voicemail, but this forum is filled with the advice to be very clear when contacting someone. So how do I manage that?

What you describe is a lot to explain to a total stranger that you are hiring. An escort is there for the money; the activities that take place during the scheduled time are not a matter of life or death for the escort. If there is sex and it's good, all the better. But you should feel no pressure to perform in any particular way.

Rather than an escort, you may want to consult with a sex therapist who can help you come to terms with the reality of your sexual capabilities. As others have opined, you are not alone. As we age, most of us will experience some changes in sexual performance and stamina. Nothing to apologize for.

As for a return to physical intimacy: FABULOUS!

But you set the pace, you set the agenda that you are comfortable with. No explanations needed. Physical intimacy doesn't always have to include penetrative sex.

[ApexNomad]

Any provider worth their salt will take the time to listen and handle you with care. The real challenge is finding someone who won’t see you as a time waster. Texting can be tricky, but this is your experience, and it should be on your terms. If you feel like sharing your concerns, do it—there’s no shame in being upfront. Providers over 35 tend to have more patience, so that might be a good place to start.

[SirBillybob]

The GirlScout-outfitted dude may accept all tickling cookies. You need to get the cookies on side, though.

[ICTJOCK]

Let me say this,  one of my first clients I had is a top,  but really cannot perform that way anymore.    He doesn't use any medical assistance and I think he'll get there,  but he is always apologetic and is more of an "oral"  experience.    

My job as a provider is to make him feel good,  satisfied and accepted.   I never am judgmental about what they can or cannot do or perform.   I am there for their service,   not my own.   I always say,   "it doesn't matter to me" and it doesn't.     I have been asked what I think or my own opinion,  but I make suggestions that will be helpful to him,  not me or anyone else.     

If you want to mention in passing your  condition,  it is up to you.   If your provider is a good one,   it won't matter.

[rvwnsd]

For years and years I've experienced "dry orgasms" and no orgasms at all. It happens. When it does, I just explain to the provider that I don't always have an orgasm or have one with no cum and that's that. If it puts your mind at ease and makes you more relaxed to inform the provider in advance, then do so. A simple "Hey, just to let you know I don't always cum. If it happens when we are together, please don't think I'm not enjoying myself. That isn't the case." will do.

[Jamie21]

On 10/6/2024 at 6:57 PM, misterhumphries said:

Physical intimacy doesn't always have to include penetrative sex.

Exactly! ….And often is all the better because it doesn’t have the pressure of penetrative sex, either as a top or bottom. Remove that expectation and you can be more relaxed, explore different things and simply enjoy the intimacy rather than feel like you’re working towards a goal. That’s why I think massage is a great way to explore intimacy.