What do escorts tell their parents?

[Losgatan]

Pickwick,

 

I can't see that there's any valid connection between what an escort personally believes about his profession and what he might tell his parents.

 

Even if the escort is totally comfortable with what he's doing, the chances are great his parents won't share that opinion. So, why should the escort risk ridicule, disdain, alienation, etc. by confessing?

[Guest pickwick]

>Pickwick,

>

>I can't see that there's any

>valid connection between what an

>escort personally believes about his

>profession and what he might

>tell his parents.

>

>Even if the escort is totally

>comfortable with what he's doing,

>the chances are great his

>parents won't share that opinion.

> So, why should the

>escort risk ridicule, disdain, alienation,

>etc. by confessing?

 

I really don't know. Like the author, I'm interested in obtaining information. I don't have a position on the issue that I want others to accept. It must be a very unusual situation in which someone who has had a decent relationship with his parents is proud and happy about what he does for a living but is determined to conceal it from them. Frankly, I'm not sure I believe that such a situation could really exist.

[Losgatan]

Well my favorite escort in the San Francisco area is in just such a situation. His parents live on the east coast and, while I wouldn't describe their relationship as fantastically close, they certainly are in touch with each other.

 

I don't know what my friend tells his parents about his source of income -- but I'm very certain it isn't the "whole truth."

[guyinsf]

Well, as others have speculated, I'm sure that different escorts handle this differently. I recall reading a book several years ago entitled "Sorry I Asked." It contained interviews with many gay male porn stars. I recall that some of these guys also escorted. I also recall that some of them talked about being totally "out" with their parents, both in terms of being gay and also their sex work; others did not disclose; and still others did not have current relationships with parents.

 

While in some families, adult children share their most intimate thoughts and feelings with their parents, this isn't true in some others. If one doesn't have that kind of closeness with one's parent(s), why would someone disclose his being an escort or hiring escorts?

 

I also caution against attempting to draw conclusions based on "a lack of response." This isn't a scientific survey. Rather than hitting a nerve, it could be that the escorts who have read this either don't find the question very interesting or choose not to share with us how they handle this issue.

 

My last comment: I actually think that the mere posting of this question as well as how it was posted insinuates that escorts SHOULD be ashamed, so I think some moral judgment is present, even if not consciously intended.

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>My last comment: I actually

>think that the mere posting

>of this question as well

>as how it was posted

>insinuates that escorts SHOULD be

>ashamed, so I think some

>moral judgment is present, even

>if not consciously intended.

 

 

Wrongo, little one. My post was devoid of the dreaded and feared "J word".

 

If anyone has a job that is outside "the mainstream" and it requires they be slightly secretive, or maybe you'd rather the word "discreet", this discretion would be the most onerous with those in your family. For instance, let's say someone had a job with the CIA and they were not permitted to say they even WORKED for the CIA. What does that person tell their parents?

 

Since escorting is not something that most guys are shouting about from the mountaintop, I was merely CURIOUS what they told their parents when they asked how they were paying the rent if they don't even have a "regular" job.

 

It's sort of like that question, "What do you tell your parents when they ask when you're going to settle down, find a girl and get married." If THAT were the question, I'm sure this post would have received bazillions of answers. However, interestingly, NO ONE has seriously repsonded to this questiion.

 

What exactly does that mean? I don't know. But it DOES mean something.

[Traveller]

>My mother said, "How ironic...your brother

>(the accountant) has a bigger

>dick!"

 

How do I meet your bro?

 

Later.

[Guest Jason Coxx]

I've been reading this thread for a while now, and I've felt like I did at a school dance where I didn't want to be the first one out on the dance floor. But hell, I'll trot on out and see if any of my fellow cashboys want to join me while I gyrate and look like Elaine on "Seinfeld".

 

What do I tell my parents? Actually, my parents know but it's sort of like a "don't ask, don't tell" situation. Are they happy I escort? No, but what are they going to do: send me to my room?

 

Jason Coxx

http://www.jasoncoxx.com

917-242-8307

[Bilbo]

I do not remember what if anything I told my parents prior to 1984. That was when I got my massage license. My father was already a dear departed. So I just told my mother that I did massage. Perhaps I should point out that the nearest I lived to my mother while I was escorting was an hour's drive. And she knew that I tended to clam up and not talk much on long distance calls just out of (due to my father's training) feeling the counter click of the piling up long distance bill. And we had so many other things to talk about rather than my business, anyway.

[guyinsf]

I don't know whether to feel complimented or insulted by your use of the word "little one."

 

Avoiding use of a word doesn't necessarily avoid the what that word represents. It seems to me that you have gotten reasonable responses above, though certainly not specific confessions by specific escorts. If what you're looking for is "Escort X tells Y to his parents" and "Escort A says B..." then I can see that you would want further response. But, as with many of these questions, the answers will obviously vary depending on many factors, which, in this case, include the escort's relationship with his parent(s), the escort's feelings about escorting, the escort's general demeanor in terms of self-disclosure, the escort's perception of his parents' ability to hear the information without adverse consequences, etc, etc.

 

>>My last comment: I actually

>>think that the mere posting

>>of this question as well

>>as how it was posted

>>insinuates that escorts SHOULD be

>>ashamed, so I think some

>>moral judgment is present, even

>>if not consciously intended.

>

>

>Wrongo, little one. My post was

>devoid of the dreaded and

>feared "J word".

[Guest pickwick]

>While in some families, adult children

>share their most intimate thoughts

>and feelings with their parents,

>this isn't true in some

>others. If one doesn't

>have that kind of closeness

>with one's parent(s), why would

>someone disclose his being an

>escort or hiring escorts?

>

 

Right, but what you do to earn a living is not really in the category of "intimate thoughts and feelings," is it? In fact it's information that most people have no problem giving to complete strangers, let alone their parents.

 

>My last comment: I actually

>think that the mere posting

>of this question as well

>as how it was posted

>insinuates that escorts SHOULD be

>ashamed, so I think some

>moral judgment is present, even

>if not consciously intended.

 

I don't agree. I do think that how escorts feel about telling their parents what they really do can be an indication of how they feel about what they do. That's what I'm curious about.

[Rick Munroe]

>How do I meet your bro?

 

Get him to do your taxes.

[Guest]

It's interesting how this string is related to another string in which a code of etiquette included not asking the escort his name. Why the secrecy with the name? After all, even some escorts who do in-calls are secretive about their name, so it can't be just that they're concerned about stalkers. I mean, some guy who's done a dozen porn videos, been in countless magazines, and has an escort website on the worldwide web with his picture on it is hardly anonymous. Nevertheless, some of the most famous escorts can be the most secretive about their names.

It would seem that the issue would be to hide their career from people who don't have contact with adult gay material or websites. And I guess this would refer to the escort's relatives or other employer. I wonder how easy it is to keep this kind of a secret, however. I would think most parents would have to know at some point, particularly for the true professional escorts. They probalby prefer not to bring it up with their son, would be my guess.

[Guest loverboy]

>It's interesting how this string is >related to another string in

>which a code of etiquette >included not asking the escort

>his name. Why the >secrecy with the name? >After all, even some escorts

>who do in-calls are secretive >about their name, so it

>can't be just that they're >concerned about stalkers. I

>mean, some guy who's done >a dozen porn videos, been

>in countless magazines, and has >an escort website on the

>worldwide web with his picture >on it is hardly anonymous.

> Nevertheless, some of the >most famous escorts can be

>the most secretive about their >names.

>It would seem that the issue >would be to hide their

>career from people who don't >have contact with adult gay

>material or websites. >And I guess this would

>refer to the escort's relatives >or other employer.

 

That's one very likely reason. Usually Mom & Dad don't watch gay porn flicks or surf this site. (But maybe your boss does... How much do you know about him? But if he does recognize you that way it probably means you don't have to hide your career from him anyway. And under the right circumstances, it could even help you get a raise... ;-))

 

Stalkers can be part of it too. Just because your face and maybe some other parts of your anatomy are well-known doesn't mean that a stalker (fan or foe) can find your home address or phone number. But they can if they know your real name. Of course, there is the chance that someone will recognize you on the street or in a public place and follow you home, but that's a much smaller chance of them finding you than if they know your name.

 

Another is mischief makers and identity thieves. Even if you do in-calls they may have your address but not know your real name. With security issues these days a lot of mailboxes, especially in big cities, have only apartment numbers or house addresses on them, not names. (In apartment buildings the names are often on the inside of the locked box assembly so that only the mailman can see them.) So not giving your real name can help protect you from problems even if you do in-calls.

 

Just as there is no such thing as a burglar-proof safe, there is no way to guarantee that nobody will ever find out your real name. A really determined stalker will probably eventually find it one way or another. But why make it easy for her?

[Guest ChicagoCorey]

Since I've been laid-off from my "day job", my parents think I've been scraping by doing freelance work.

 

They dealt with me being gay. They love my partner. I like escorting. But I'd never tell them.

 

I believe there are those individuals out there who should be trained to be more "sex-positive" or more "escort-positive", and because of what I do, I try to do that training -- opening people's minds about the issues, talking about stuff openly and honestly, so that people who claim to be "liberal" or "accepting" realize their own close-mindedness when it comes to sex professionals.

 

But, and you can call me a hypocrite, there's no reason that my parents -- 2 wonderful rural Illinois school teachers -- need to know anything about their son's "other profession". I learned a long time ago that love is built on trust -- but trust is not necessarily built on complete disclosure. I'm not betraying them by not telling them, and that's what's important. They didn't know much about my sex life when I was doing it for free; there's no reason for them to need to know now.

 

("Not that the question was 'Why don't you tell your parents?'" Corey remarked, noting his own above defensiveness.)

 

----

chicagocorey@yahoo.com

photos/rates available by request

[Guest loverboy]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-24-01 AT 05:48PM (EST)[p]Thanks for your thoughtful post, Corey, and welcome to the board.

[Guest EWC]

In my contacts with escorts over the last couple of years, I got out of the habit of asking what their families thought about what they did by the look of pain that it frequently brought to their faces. The most common thread was that when it became "family knowledge", it usually split up the family between those who were judgemental and those who were supportive. I tend to concur with the idea that you don't have to tell them everything.

 

As a parent, if I found out that my son had decided to go into escorting, (or gun running or drug dealing for that matter) It would make me nuts with worry. For that matter, at nine he's smart enough to know that if I'm likely to find out he's better off breaking the bad news to me first, and if I'm not likely to find out, there's no need to bother me with the details.

 

EWC

[Guest Topmaul]

Why not tell 'em that what you do is similar to being a lawyer, only much more honest and respectable?

[Guest sam]

Good for you, Jason. I always admired the first person to get up and dance. Made it easier for all the others.... And, by the way, your site is pretty impressive, too. Verrrrrrry interesting. If I hadn't given up hiring escorts (personal reasons), I do believe I would give you a call. Verrrrrrrrrry nice. ;-)

[Justice]

>Are they happy I escort?

>No, but what are they

>going to do: send me

>to my room?

 

Well ... you never know they could always hire another escort and ask him to spank you! }>

[Rod Hagen]

Personal Trainer

 

Family: Personal Trainer.

 

Friends: Personal Trainer.

 

New Friends: Escort or Personal Trainer.

 

I am a ACE certified trainer, so it's not a TOTAL lie.

 

http://www.rodhagen.com

[Guest notascortanymore]

RE: Personal Trainer

 

LAST EDITED ON May-05-01 AT 02:48PM (EST)[p]got a question about escorts, go here to find out

 

http://www.askapractitioner.com

 

answers without all the bull

[Justice]

RE: Personal Trainer

 

Instead of posting under multiple screen names, why don't you just tell us who you are. That way we'll know what you're true motives are!

[Guest Stephan-Lacoste]

My mom thought I was doing drugs or something like that and she was really worried about the amount of monney I was making when I first Got in Vegas.......and she even told me a day while I was talking to her on the phone , that no matter what I was doing , I should do it safe..... that kinda stocked me lol and next day I was writing a letter explaining all my life in vegas until today. It only happened may be 8 months ago, so it is a fresh story.

I really think my parents deserve the total respect and true. And my parents took it well.

The responds was : We love you for who you are and not for what you do." and I got tears in my eyes because that was really important to me.

And today I'm with them, In key west right now, they are on vacation and enjoying every moment of it and I even tell my mom some of my experiences in the escorting , and She could not stop laughing lol That was really funny that I should have taped it.

Anyway, my experience was not really hard and I'm lucky to have such wonderful parents.. I'm proud of it.

 

Stephan Lacoste

1-310-739-7842

http://www.stephanlacoste.com

http://www.eboysvideo.com

[Losgatan]

Stephan,

 

Congratulations on finding the courage to be so open with your parents. I'm sure it's very rare in the industry.

 

I think it's tragic when a gay man becomes estranged from his family because he can't be candid about his orientation and share the really meaningful events in his life. It must be 100 times harder for an escort to stay "connected" with his parents and siblings.

 

It says a great deal about you that you chose to take the risk.

[BewareofNick]

RE: Personal Trainer

 

>LAST EDITED ON May-05-01

>AT 02:48 PM (EST)

>

>got a question about escorts, go

>here to find out

>

>http://www.askapractitioner.com

>

>answers without all the bull

 

 

and yet we can't get in without a password...sounds like bull to me!!