Dating Escorts

[Guest SFJEFF]

No, is the answer.

 

I think that it is almost impossible to just be friends with most as well. I had a great relationship (escort/client) with someone in SF and he and I both decided to stop escorting and clienting. But we both wanted to remain friends. But my definition of friendship was very different from his. Plus the age difference (while only 9 years) had a lot to do with it. He (the former escort) hasn't grown up nor has he learned responsibility yet. So it didn't even work out on a friendship level. That was unfortunate as it is not easy for me to commit to friendships. In my opinion, it was his loss. But in reality, I think I was thinking that something could be there that never could be. He was tired of escorting and I think wanted to forget all about that life. I tend to be very loyal to my friends and that was not something that he could do. So the friendship has ended. On some level, I believe that he never really thought of me as a friend despite what he said. I guess we live and learn.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Oh Bilbo... life begins at 50, don't you know!! (Or in my case 52...I'm slow :-( )

 

Damn the paranoia and confusion... full speed ahead, but make sure your seat belt is fastened.

 

:-)

[Bilbo]

Actually, I enjoy confusion! And, I agree (especially with my memory, which doesn't plague me very often), life begins at whatever age you are now! As Zorba the Greek said, "We are all always virgins!" Or words to that effect.

[Guest ChicagoCorey]

This reply may be beating a dead horse, as it touches on many of the issues listed above, but to say that "The answer is no" isn't fair or accurate. More accurate would be "Your answer is no" -- this is your situation, your problem, your guy.

 

I'm not even sure if this situation is a client/escort situation. Further, even if it were, it wouldn't necessarily turn out that way.

 

I know it's a matter of semantics, but when people ask for advice and we're talking about a real life situation, I think it's best to consider the tone and level of our judgements.

 

But this is only my opinion...

 

 

-------

chicagocorey@yahoo.com

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[Guest timmo]

Hey Jeff,

You seem to be generalizing based on your experience with this one guy. I would think that with this guy's immaturity level, he probably has difficulty making and keeping friends and relationships. I think it would be the same even if he wasn't an escort.

[Guest SFJEFF]

You may be right that I'm generalizing. But I didn't say no to "friendships". I just think it is unrealistic to think that in most cases that an escort/client relationship will turn into anything more. I am just in general very suspicious of any undertones of desire for friendships as they tend to be superficial in nature. There are exceptions to the rules (thankfully) or I think that we would all stop clienting completely. But I think that it is good to be cautious and not let a few kind words from someone imply a friendship when it may only mean a "convenient friendship" for the escort to keep his client. But as I said, there are exceptions. I thought this guy in SF was an exception, but I think that he actually isn't. All I wanted was friendship from him anyway. His real type was very different from me. But all that experience has done is make me more cautious.

 

I have friends in many countries and I have seen escorts in about 8 countries and some of them I have kept in touch with. But there are many times when I get asked for money or help or for something from these guys and my policy is to always say no otherwise it could turn into an ugly situation. But the requests happen anyway. I have just decided to keep the relationship as client/escort and that is it. But to reiterate, there are always exceptions and I hope that the ones I view that way now won't disappoint me.

 

My only advice to escorts is the following: I know that you want to be successful in what you do and to do that it is important to create a good public and private image. Public relations is key to anyones' success. But remember that clients have all reasons for wanting to hire escorts and sometimes they can be taken advantage of so be careful how you present your friendship. It's OK to make it clear that the friendship is client/escort only and it is important to make that known if you feel that the client wants more. Otherwise it could be a bad situation for all. You might be surprised that the client might respond positively rather than negatively. At least honesty is the basis for the relationship.

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

Hmmmmmmm I have been sitting here for a good 20 minutes debating to even respond to this but I cant stop myself. You know why I am not gay? Well the reason is quite simple, All gay men are drag queens, every one of em dress in drag and go out on the town to shock people.

 

 

Well I guess you are wondering why I say something so idiotic. It is just as idiotic to state every person on this planet that escorts is irresponsible and immature. Jesus Christ Man get a freaking clue.

[Guest Berdy]

I find it very curious that many clients are able to dissociate the fact that they hire escorts and the potential deeper psychological meanings of that from their apparent strongly held belief that escorts must be seriously damaged pschologically to be an escort in the first place.

 

Perhaps there is more than one reason why escorts do the work they do. I don't argue that there are psychological reasons why someone would choose escort as a business, but I would argue that these reasons are not necessarily unhealthy.

 

I started escort as a transition between a career in banking to a career as an entrepreneur only to discover that I found something deeply rewarding and self fulfilling in a way that banking had never been for me. I knew I needed to give myself the gift of doing it full time and I've been richly rewarded in great friendships, mentoring, experience, and a unique understanding of people's intimate needs.

 

I first discovered I was touch starved and all the touching made me feel wonderful. I also found I used ALL of my extensive education and social skills in escort. In banking I felt like I was wasting away all they vast study I'd done. Escort clients come from all over the world, speak many languages, have many conflicting values and beliefs, careers that span the spectrum, tend to be well educated, and in my mind tend to be a cut above the average Joe on the street. To be a good escort you have to be well rounded enough to relate to all those different kinds of people.

 

Most importantly, I love to help people. I happend to be particularly gifted in motivating people, seeing what makes people special and relating that to them, and helping people come out of the closet in a healthy happy way. I think most of my clients would concur that I'm good at those things. To me there is a whole lot more to a good escort than just being good in bed, true intimacy skills help a whole lot as do knowing where to set boundaries.

 

As far as relationships, I've never been able to make that work. I'm definitely a relationship oriented guy but most guys I want to date can't get past their misconceptions about the industry and their idiotic beliefs that all escorts must be alike. Certainly all clients are not alike and neither are all escorts. I have a couple of clients I'm madly in love with. They know how I feel and we know why it can't go any further (reasons having nothing to do with escort). Of course escorts develop feelings for clients. What kind of people would we be if we did not?

 

The relationship thing is aiding in my decision to end my career as an escort in the near future. My other business is coming along nicely and I want to come home to one guy that loves me and whom I love. My experience as an escort has given me invaluable skills in the realities of relationships and the importance of communcation and boundaries. I respect those qualities immensely.

 

Don't be too quick to judge escorts or your own ability to maintain a relationship with and escort who's working. Just because I wasn't able to find the right click doesn't mean that others can't. I think it just depends on the two people and whether they have the right sensibilities and expectations to create the groove that works for them.