As my life is changing more and more so are my surroundings!

[Guest cmp]

RE: Important information for Mike & Stephan

 

This is happening for the second time in this thread: Bucky is expressing my thoughts, only his wording is much better than what mine would have been. Add my signature to Bucky's post (even if I'm not on my way to the church or to the synagogue), count me in with 'your crowd'. Please start the treatment right away. Remember, we believe in you. Have a warm hug!

[Guest Stefano]

RE: Important information for Mike & Stephan

 

Well i don't know what to say now. Today was a day to go down in my personal history for reasons that are not dealing with this issue and are reasons that I cannot share at this time.well lets just say it wasn't a stroll through the park.

 

I actually wanted to say that bucky's tenderness with words and your sweet,goofy cute words combined keep making me see the hope and strength I possess and still make me smile and even blurt out a small giggle of relief at the same time. That's something that at this moment makes me feel special. The fact that someone really does care and someone thinks I'm worth caring for. You two make a good pair. I need to retire now. It's been a longer day than I wanted it to be. I love you guys...

 

Mike

 

PS To you know who..I'm sorry you had to go through that again.. I guess some things just can't change. :''-(

[Guest WetDream]

RE: Bad Day

 

Mike, you must know that you have a lot of affection and support on this board. We can only offer limited help from a distance. Please try to make connection with one of the groups that Bucky has recommended. You don't need to suffer through a bad day by yourself; these programs really can help. It is up to you now...with a little help from your friends (the Beatles are always useful for a quote). Good luck!

[Barry]

Stef my friend,

 

You know my heart and soul go out to you at this time. Though I've never met Mike, they go out to him as well but it is here that YOU asked for help, advice.

 

>really hard to understand... more

>the days goes by, harder

>it is for me to

>understand what is going on.....

 

You don't smoke, don't do drugs and drink very little. Accept the fact that it will be almost impossible for you to understand what Mike is and will go through. No amount of love, caring or proximity will put you in his shoes. This alone is probably the most frustrating part of trying to help. While you can offer much, Mike must be intensely involved with help groups such as NA or AA. He must be able to talk to and trust others that do really understand what he is going through because they have been there.

 

>I have spent 8 months in

>los Angeles in love with

>the most beautiful lover in

>hearth, trying to deal with

>those problems and I failed,

>I failed so bad that

>I did run away, went

>back to Vegas and cried

>like a little kid who

>kinda knew what was happening

>but did not want to

>face the reality.... simply that

>I was too weak to

>deal with life.....and I was

>not able to help my

>lover....

 

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You tried but you were just not equiped to help Mike at the time. Mike had to first want to help himself and it sounds like he wasn't there yet. You were human, not weak. You didn't fail, you left a situation that you could not help or deal with. You protected yourself before you started spiriling down. You're leaving may very well have been a catalyst for Mike to change......a wake up call. He lost someone very dear to him. If you leaving helped in even the smallest way, it was not a failure.

 

>I'm again weak and really don't

>know how to deal with

>it, and I really need

>your advices because I can't

>fail twice, I really can't.

 

My friend, you didn't fail the first time so you're not going to fail twice. You can help Mike but cannot be responsible for him. You cannot be the foundation for the foundation holds up the entire structure. All you can be is one of the strong support columns, that helps keep Mike standing. As you are there when Mike is weak, you must also seek out those close to provide support for you. You cannot go this alone. You need help from others to remains strong and objective. Don't be afraid to cry out yourself.

 

Stef, we have talked so many times, shared so many similar personal stories. We've shown each other our deepest pain and our respect for each other on many occasions. Though I'm not close geographically, I am with you everyday in both heart and mind, my friend. You know you can write or IM or call me anytime you want to talk. Don't ever be afraid to reach out for yourself just as Mike has reached out to you.

 

Luv ya, XOXO Barry

[BuckyXTC]

Barry:

 

Thanks for your words of support, encouragement and wisdom addressed to Stephan. With the best of intentions as a given, it becomes easy to forget the "on-site" caregiver as we focus on Mike's struggle. You've provided a valuable reminder to us all, and I'm grateful.

Bucky

[Guest cmp]

RE: Bad Day

 

Mike,

 

Thanks for your sweet post, I'm touched. Of course you are special, of course we care, and of course you are worth caring for. I understand your self-confidence is shattered right now. That's one of the reasons you need to seek out professional help. Please do us and yourself a huge favor and seek out help immediately. Please let us know when you start on the programme. Please dial the number Bucky gave you, right away (either you or Steph).

 

I share your appreciation of Bucky. I have re-read his posts and it's obvious we are lucky to have him on this board. There are few issues that I don't see eye to eye with Bucky (they are not the issues discussed in this thread), but I respect those views of his as well - opinionated people are bound to differ from time to time. This would be a better world if everyone cared and contributed to the community as much as Bucky does. I am trying to make a positive contribution to my surroundings too, giving away a little of my heart, my time and my money to help a few community projects, but it's much less than what Bucky does and what I feel I should do. (Bucky, thanks for being here, I'm looking forward to reading more of your remarkable posts.)

 

Mike, I am checking this thread every day, to see how you are doing. Please keep this 'heartbeat' coming our way. I hope we can hear about your starting out on a professional treatment programme in your next post.

[BuckyXTC]

RE: Bad Day

 

cmp:

 

I know your post was addressed to Mike, but thanks for all your kind words about me. They could have just as easily and appropriately been addressed to many others here who care deeply about others, but I'm honored that you singled me out. I think the message center holds great potential as a place we can offer carig and support to each other on a host of issues. We're all pulling for Mike and Stephano, as one case in point. I've grown close to several regular contributors to the message center, and we often carry on our conversations via private email or by phone. Mike and Steph, through their willingness to share what's going on with them, have brought us to a new level, and a new opportunity to do something worthwhile, in addition to the more prurient reasons and interests that bring most of us here.

 

Mike and Steph: Another vote here from cmp for you to get cracking on involvement with a group like NA. If you haven't set it up, there's no better time than the present. We love and you want you to recover. Just do it, don't wait or procrastinate. I know it's a serious commitment of time and effort, but you're definitely worth it. We believe that, and you should, too!

 

Bucky

[Guest Stephan-Lacoste]

Dear Barry, as you said , we have shared lots of time and stories together, since I started escoring severals years ago.... and you know what is going on right in the deepest bottom of my heart.. and this is not easy. I have spent such an horrible night wondering why why why why that

 

>You don't smoke, don't do drugs

>and drink very little. Accept the fact that it will be almost >impossible for you to understand what Mike is and will go >through. No amount of love, caring or proximity will put you >in his shoes.

 

I have tried everything in Los Angeles, I lied to Mike telling that I did drugs back in France, That I did deal and even smoked it or whatever you have to do with drugs, to tried to show him that no matter what happen, you can get it out, stop it. Because I was myself ok , of course clean of drugs . I thought may be by saying that It would have helped him to understand that it is never too late to stop, but that was a mistake, just an other mistake added to the list.....

Yes I don't smoke, don't do drugs and barely drink wine, and I know there is no way in hell for me to know and understand what is mike going through right now...... and that is really a big problems because if I don't know How I am suppose to help him out ?

 

 

 

>This alone is probably the most frustrating part of trying to help. While you can offer much, Mike must be intensely involved with help groups such as NA or AA. He must be able to talk to and trust others that do really understand what he is going

through because they have been there.

 

I know that , I really do understand that, now as well as I did know it before, but where is the problems right now is that I love him and No matter what does happen, I'm only blind, and only get frustated by loving someone who is dealing with big problems and can't love me back.

I know that mike did love him so much because we had such wonderful time together, but I have to admit, or guess I need to admit that he was true when he said one day that " me and Him were not compatible " ......

I wanted to try to get together, give it an other chance, because he was so much better after this trip in London, but the feelings hasn't change on my side but did on his side , and this is not his fault at all, just my fault not being able to understand that..... I do understand but can't admit it when the moment happen, I'm really confused... I just really think taking off for a while.... that might help me better, I guess I have to become selfish.....

 

>You shouldn't be so hard on

>yourself. You tried but

>you were just not equiped

>to help Mike at the

>time. Mike had to

>first want to help himself

>and it sounds like he

>wasn't there yet. You

>were human, not weak.

>You didn't fail, you left

>a situation that you could

>not help or deal with.

> You protected yourself before

>you started spiriling down.

>You're leaving may very well

>have been a catalyst for

>Mike to change......a wake up

>call. He lost someone

>very dear to him.

>If you leaving helped in

>even the smallest way, it

>was not a failure.

 

I just wish it is only true, That I at least helped him out some ways....

 

>My friend, you didn't fail the

>first time so you're not

>going to fail twice.

 

Yes barry I did fail the first time, because something happen in the last day of my stay in los angeles which thaught me a lot.... I failed becasue after all I tried, which did not work out, I thought by may be doing drugs myself would have beem better.... but what, the Mister Lacoste, so far clean reputation did for the first time that crysatl meth or wahtever you call it ..... the result is just called " failure".......

Well I have to admit it that this is really crazy but why would I lie to you guys ? I really have nothing to hide anymore , and that was so far the wildest crazy hidden thing in me. WEll I did it for may be 5 minutes and the results was just so horrible to me that I got sick for 4 days.... I did not get addicted , don't know why , but don't know how you can get addicted as well, again I have never done it before, or done anything called " drugs" and I got so sick barry that I left.

SO if what I felt doing it, is what those guys doing it, are feeling, well I really don't know why they are doing it because it is horrible. It took me 3 months to get over it, it took me time, patience, tears, love, lost friends, even worried parents, support for everyone I have shared this with, to get over it. and I did.

But again I know that I failed because I imposed myself to it such an idiot. And this is really prove that I wasn't that strong, as everyone as myself thought .....

 

>You can help Mike but

>cannot be responsible for him.

> You cannot be the

>foundation for the foundation holds

>up the entire structure.

>All you can be is

>one of the strong support

>columns, that helps keep Mike

>standing. As you are

>there when Mike is weak,

>you must also seek out

>those close to provide support

>for you. You cannot

>go this alone. You

>need help from others to

>remains strong and objective.

>Don't be afraid to cry

>out yourself.

 

I wish I could be helpful for Mike, but there is something not right, each time we are together, we fights, about stupid things, we really do, we get upset , and when we do, we talked about the past , when we should not do. Then the fight gets worst and then he is throwed out of the house for stupid reasons as the first time, a house he was so welcome to but........ right now he does not need me as a lover because he is not ready for it yet and won't be ready for me anymore , and I know that. The crazy thing is In my mind and heart , " Love " is the only thing I can offer to him. I tried to give him the best friendship but love is taking over all the time, so there is no way that would work with me around............there is no way... unless someone as a solution.... but I doubt. when you are in love, it is hard to get over it...

 

>Stef, we have talked so many

>times, shared so many similar

>personal stories. We've shown

>each other our deepest pain

>and our respect for each

>other on many occasions.

>Though I'm not close geographically,

>I am with you everyday

>in both heart and mind,

>my friend. You know

>you can write or IM

>or call me anytime you

>want to talk. Don't

>ever be afraid to reach

>out for yourself just as

>Mike has reached out to

>you.

>

>Luv ya, XOXO Barry

 

I love you to Barry, and I'm really happy that today I'm around people who cares for me, and I'm around support because I would have never been in control of myself.

Now what will happen , Is I really don't know. I really don't.

 

< To you know who...I'm sorry you had to go through that again. I guess some things just can't change >

 

Well tell me if you do have a solution ? What did you tell me yesterday ? the problems right now is "the love" that I have for you and that is not really helpful, I agree..... and again I agree, because some things can't just change, and unless you do something horrible to me, my love won't change......

 

I just wish all of you guys could be right here in Vegas and support Mike,and talk to him in person..... I know that would be so cool.... and so great for him.... becasue he is right now in a city he hasn't known under the sober side. I'm worried LIke I have always been.

 

Wetdream, Cmp, BuckyXtc, barry and others behind the screen , I thank you for your support and love for both of us..... but I guess I need to be away of that problems right now for a while because what did happen yesterday had only changed the " old love" that mike had for me into " hate" and I know that would never work like that....................

Love

 

 

Stephan Lacoste

1-702-616-3345

http://www.stephanlacoste.com

http://www.eboysvideo.com

[Guest WetDream]

Steph & Mike: I know it is impossible, but neither one of you should think in terms of "fault," "blame," "love" or "hate." The only applicable word is "HELP." And this probably means some kind of professional guidance. Friendships (and I include e-mail relationships) are complicated. With all the best intentions in the world none of us out here in cyberland can give you the kind of help you need. You both sound like great guys. Please take that next step forward and get some practical assistance in solving -- or trying to solve -- your problems.

[Guest Stefano]

Ok BOYS!! Update! Update! I went to that website(Thank you soooo much Bucky, also for the call today. Your words are even more soothing from your mouth and rather than this pc)and got the address and time of a local meeting today.

 

Not only did I go but I dragged my best friend Vanessa with me. It was a very nice meeting. The ironic thing for those who know all of my funny theories, is that the meeting was at the church of scientology. LOL! Well it was only in the building and had no connection with the scientologists directly soo...

 

But back to the meeting. It was the oddest thing. They turned the lights off after all the general NA stuff and picked a paper from a hat. On that paper read the word "Guilt". Now for me it was clear that I was being given a sign from some higher power.

 

All that I have been dealing with lately has been putting doubts in my head about my worthiness and pride and so on.. Well Yesterday I decided that I was going to let go of my guilt because I was doing all I could to heal the wounds that I caused. I realized that my recent fear of temptation was only growing because as my guilt consumed me I was feeling as though it wasn't even worth the effort and it would never make any difference to anyone whether I fell or not! Well I'm letting go of the guilt and saying hello to treatment.

 

I feel like such a new and vibrant soul right now. I understand that yes that will change nd it'll get harder before it gets easier but one day at a time and today, right now, this moment I feel good. Thats my update for now. Thus putting closure for me on week 5 day 5. Take care and I can't wait to hear some responses tomorrow. Good night to all and kisses.

 

Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

http://www.m4mpleasure.com

MrMikeStefano@aol.com

[Guest WetDream]

RE: CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

You took a big step toward regaining control of your life.

[BuckyXTC]

Mike:

 

Yesterday I cried for you, today you have me turning cartwheels, and my cats think I"ve taken leave of my senses. A million hugs for you, not because you followed my urging, but because you did something very important for yourself! The battle isn't over, but you've launched a major offensive, and you can win this war!!! It's to your credit that you've taken the bull by the horns. I'll be pulling for you every step of the way.

 

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mike}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

Stay in touch, and if you need me, you have my number and email.

 

Bucky

[Guest cmp]

Steph,

 

It looks like you need as much comforting right now as Mike does. Mike has rested his beautiful head on my left shoulder for peace and comfort in one of his earlier posts. He said he would leave his head on my shoulder for as long as I could stand his weight, so I am not letting him go. But my wide, comforting right shoulder is available for your head, I hope it will help you feel better. Everybody, please note that this new "CMP E-Z-Komfort" service is free of charge for these first two applicants only. For all the others, my regular rate of $150 per hour applies. Longer sessions, overnights and travel are negotiable.

[Guest cmp]

Aaawlriiight!! This is a new ballgame! And after a stormy opening, the scoreboard now reads Mike Stefano 1, Deep Shit 0. And it's a home game for Mike, his home crowd cheering and hollering for him. Go Mike! Go Mike! You are a winner, you are going to be our champion!

 

Bucky,

 

Thanks for everything you are doing for our sweet Mike. You are going to protest this vehemently, being the modest person that you are, but some of the credit for this is yours (I know, of course you are doing this for Mike, not for the credit). We are all offering Mike out hearts and our moral support, but you have helped him with the practical tidbits and the personal phonecalls in addition to all that. In a way, I feel as if you were doing me a huge personal favor and I am grateful to you.

 

Mike,

 

I cannot give you my personal phone number (besides, that would be a very long distance transatlantic call), but please use my mailbox on this board whenever there is something on your heart that you prefer to talk about in a more private environment. I am a very good listener and you may know by now that I care for you a lot. Hugz!

[BuckyXTC]

cmp:

 

Thanks for your very kind words of affirmation, both to Mike, and to me; I greatly appreciate it as I know Mike does. I would have sent you a private message or email, but those options seem to be inactive for you in the Message Center. Anyway, I share your joy with the important steps Mike is taking to take full charge of his life. In spite of the internal demons he's wrestling with, there's treasure there as well. And I have faith that Mike will find that treasure, and share it with the world, ane we'll all be the better for it.

 

Much love and affection to all you guys who care for Mike and Steph and the rest of us here. Today is a wonderful day, and I'm rejoicing in it!

Bucky

[HooBoy]

>Did you ever hear about the

>gay faith healer? He puts

>the palm of his hand

>of your forehead and says,

>"Get over it, Mary!"

>

 

Bilbo - this has to be the FUNNIEST post I have ever seen on this Message Center. I should create a trophy for you!!!

 

 

HooBoy

Email: HooBoy@male4malescorts.com

[Guest Stefano]

>Steph,

>

>It looks like you need as

>much comforting right now as

>Mike does.

 

Yes I agree he does. I know that he and I are not on the best terms right now but I do still care for him and am happy that he has lots of others who do as well.

 

Mike has

>rested his beautiful head on

>my left shoulder for peace

>and comfort in one of

>his earlier posts. He

>said he would leave his

>head on my shoulder for

>as long as I could

>stand his weight, so I

>am not letting him go.

 

And I'm not letting go either. With your shoulder for my head and Bucky's hand to and prayers to guide me, we will win this game boyZ!

 

 

> Everybody, please note that

>this new "CMP E-Z-Komfort"

>service is free of charge

>for these first two applicants

>only. For all the

>others, my regular rate of

>$150 per hour applies.

>Longer sessions, overnights and travel

>are negotiable.

 

LOL. Why do you guys do this to me?! I wont be able to stop laughing at this for a long time. You heard him boyz. So this time the escorts can take a number and buy a ticket.. That's very sweet BTW.

 

Love Ya!

 

Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

MrMikeStefano@aol.com

http://www.m4mpleasure.com

[Guest Stefano]

>cmp:

>

>Thanks for your very kind words

>of affirmation, both to Mike,

>and to me; I greatly

>appreciate it as I know

>Mike does.

 

Thank you for speaking for me since I've been delayed. Todays update!!!!

 

I didn't go to a second meeting yet but today on my 6TH week I will attend a meeting tonight.

 

Now where is that Damn Blue Book of mine? LOL I need to get one actually. I think I'll do that tonight.

 

Anyways, I'm still going and want you all to know that there isn't one thread in this post that hasn't affected how strong I feel today. A very warm and truely sincere thanks to all. I gotta run now but will tell you all about the meeting later.

 

Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

MrMikeStefano@aol.com

http://www.m4mpleasure.com

[Bilbo]

blush