Nervous Newbie of Jaded Superstar?

[Bosman]

I’ve been lurking here for some time. I’ve learned a lot and am about to take the plunge. In a matter of days, I am scheduled to meet one of the Superstars on this site for my first sexual experience. I chose the escort based on his exceptional reviews, and perhaps more importantly, the humor, insight, and level-headedness revealed in some of his past posts on this site. He was a fairly regular poster several years ago.

 

I initiated contact via a fairly comprehensive e-mail which contained all the information I would like to know if I were he (with emphasis on my lack of experience). After missing 2 scheduled phone calls (he scheduled - he missed) because a fuck buddy came to town and client stayed over, we finally talked. Our conversation lasted about an hour (during which I heard at length about his experiences with several other clients) and we set up a multi-day (my preference) in-call (his preference). I’ll admit that at that time I was a little giddy and wasn’t viewing this as a pure business transaction.

 

All this occurred in early fall ‘04. Since then I heard nothing, until this week, when I received an e-mail regaling me with stories of hard holiday partying, various trips with other clients and, oh yeah, “we still on for next week?”. I responded affirmatively and asked if he had the time to give me some idea of what to expect. I have heard nothing since.

 

Right now I am struggling to control my anxiety. I am going to be a paying guest in this guy’s home and while I realize that communication is a two-way street, should I have to ask that some effort be made to make me feel welcome? Shouldn’t some basic courtesies be expected, if genuine, or are all societal norms disregarded in these transactions?

 

While this may seem to be a trivial matter to a more experienced reader, as a first-timer (in every sense of the term) I realize that should our meeting take place, I am going to be dealing with emotions I can’t now imagine. While I am as prepared for that as I can be, is it naive to expect consideration from an escort for what I might be going through? Despite dozens (an dozens) of uniformly amazing reviews, I have seen no evidence that this will happen and wonder if it only occurs while the clock is ticking.

 

Finally, is it possible that after years of maintaining a sexual revolving door, an escort can lose touch with the values evidenced by his postings made early in his career, and with that any empathy for the less experienced?

 

I realize that I may be overreacting but I am sailing uncharted waters here. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[Boston Guy]

Bosman -

 

Welcome to M4M (or, at least, posting here)!

 

My advice would be to relax about six notches here. For reasons that are very understandable, you're pretty anxious. But if this guy is reputable -- and it sounds like he is -- you'll probably have a great time. My advice for the time you spend with him is also the same: relax, enjoy the experience, don't have too many expectations and just let life (and the escort) flow over and around you.

 

The only thing I would have recommended doing differently, had I been asked, would have been not to schedule this months and months in advance. I would have recommended waiting until you were ready and then making the plunge. Otherwise, as you have seen, you have a very anxiety-filled period of waiting.

 

So, relax. Life will probably be great. And if you need more assurance, post the escort's name. I'm sure you'll get good feedback from people who have been with him, probably including guys who have seen him recently if he's as well-known as you say.

 

BG

[HotdadENYC]

> I initiated contact via a fairly comprehensive e-mail...After missing 2

>scheduled phone calls (he scheduled - he missed) because a

>fuck buddy came to town and client stayed over, we finally

>talked. Our conversation lasted about an hour (during which I

>heard at length about his experiences with several other

>clients) and we set up a multi-day (my preference) in-call

>(his preference).

> All this occurred in early fall ‘04. Since then I heard

>nothing, until this week, when I received an e-mail regaling

>me with stories of hard holiday partying, various trips with

>other clients and, oh yeah, “we still on for next week?”. I

>responded affirmatively and asked if he had the time to give

>me some idea of what to expect. I have heard nothing since.

>

 

I read (and re-read) your thread several times, but I focused in particular on the two pars. I excerpted above.

 

Now, I don't know who the escort in question is, but "superstar" or not, what you described above would leave me feeling a bit apprehensive.

 

In my opinion, missing two (2) scheduled phone calls and not responding to e-mails in a timely fashion both make me question the escort's reliability.

 

Also in my opinion, discussion about other clients would make me question the escort's integrity and ability to be discrete.

 

Ultimately, only YOU know your threshold for apprehension and I hope you do what's best for you.

 

I might suggest, however, that if you DO go through with it, that you find suitable accommodations near this escort's home, just in case it doesn't work out as you had originally hoped.

 

Good luck.

 

hd NYC

[Bosman]

Thanks for the response guys.

 

BG - I'm trying like the dickens to notch it down. The delay in scheduling was not my preference - it was the earliest opening available. It has, however, had some benefits in giving me a chance to objectively, and dispassionately, understand that this is really just a business transaction wherein I am paying for a service (experience). What is troubling is that my only expectations are based on the experience of others, and I haven't seen conduct on the escort's part to support these, which is why I am reluctant to post the escort's name. Well, that and the fact that I do intend to at least meet him to discuss all this mano-a-mano (the ticket is non-refundable).

 

Hd NYC - I had the same reaction regarding the client tales. While it really appeared to be puffery, it was disconcerting. I have already found back-up accomodations, if my concerns are not allayed I intend to pay him for the discussion time and head off.

 

It never occured to me what a leap of faith is required in these transactions.

[Boston Guy]

A quick question, which relates to other threads that have been posted here recently: have you discussed your concerns with the escort in question??? Instead of asking us, perhaps it would be better to simply ask him. Perhaps you should openly and honestly discuss your concerns on the phone and give him a chance to address them for you.

 

Just a suggestion from someone who believes that communication and the lack thereof is the most frequent cause of relationship issues of all kinds.

 

BG

[Boston Guy]

And, by the way, my last question notwithstanding, I'm rooting for you to have a great time! :-)

 

BG

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

For Whom the Bells Toll

 

Sorry... none of this has the ring of truth to me.

 

If it is true then this soap opera is already in the third act before the door opens. An inauspicious start begging for another with new players and a tighter scenario.

[+ Lucky]

While it is hard for me to imagine why it would take since the fall of '04 to get an appointment going with an escort, it is not so hard to think of another situation where a client could get nervous.

 

Suppose instead of an escort, he had hired a big-name lawyer to handle his very big case. The trial date is far off and the client is getting antsy. He calls the lawyer frequently, but the lawyer, busy as he is, doesn't always return them.

 

The client knows that the lawyer has won big cases before, just like his, because the lawyer has told him so. He even told him about some of those big clients. Plus the lawyers successes are reviewed on a lawyer review site! But the client still wants constant reassurance since this is the first time he has ever gone to court. And he is paying big bucks here.

 

The lawyer knows he is going to do well in court and has put the matter out of mind to work on other cases. Should he do the hand-holding the client wants?

 

Or, should the client have confidence that he has selected well, and, that when his turn comes, the lawyer will give him all of the effort he is famous for giving to other clients?

 

In this scenario, there is a ring of truth! Since Bosman is a first-time poster, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, we could discourage him and other new posters.

 

If someone comes to Hooville just to stir the pot, or have a little laugh at our expense, it will be revealed in due time.

[Boston Guy]

RE: For Whom the Bells Toll

 

Hmmm... maybe it's the fact that his name starts with "Bos" (and we know how trustworthy those Boston guys are :-)) , but I believe him, at least so far.

 

BG

[+ cougar]

Shouldn’t some basic courtesies be expected, if genuine, or are all

societal norms disregarded in these transactions?

 

In my experience with escorts, I have found that they generally interact with clients in a very superficial way. We pay them to make us feel like a million bucks and that we are the hottest man they have ever been with. With that in mind, I try to approach these transactions the same way they do, but fail miserably!

Don't worry about him now all of a sudden re-appearing, it is his style and some people are just that way. When you do see him, remind him of the need to keep his other client stories to himself, I fear that could do more damage than his inability to live more than just a week in advance.

[+ deej]

> All this occurred in early fall ‘04. Since then I heard

>nothing, until this week, when I received an e-mail regaling

>me with stories of hard holiday partying, various trips with

>other clients and, oh yeah, “we still on for next week?”. I

>responded affirmatively and asked if he had the time to give

>me some idea of what to expect. I have heard nothing since.

 

If he's as booked up as you've made him out to be, he may be with a client and not checking e-mail.

 

Frankly, if I'd spent an hour on the phone with someone discussing a get-together and then they asked "what should I expect?" I'd probably be a little taken aback. Didn't we spend an hour discussing exactly that? :o

 

I'm with BG here. Notch it down and have fun!

[Bosman]

Wow - I appreciate the posts implying the lack of communication is no big deal and to just go with the flow. However, if it is no big deal then why isn't it believable?

 

For what it's worth, our one conversation consisted of my confirming that I was looking for a teacher/tutor/guide and would be open to trying anything he wanted to do. I admitted that I really didn't know what to question him about but that his reviews indicated that it was something he might be interested in doing. I also explained, when asked, why this would be my first time. The rest of the conversation was about his client experiences. I was so nervous that it didn't occur to me that we never discussed anything we might do together, and we still haven't. I expressed my rising anxiety level in my last e-mail and it is entirely likely that he just hasn't gotten it yet.

 

Look, I may be inexperienced but I'm not stupid. I realize that I'm on the radar screen only so long as the money lasts. I'm not looking to buy a friend and can't force my ideas of professional courtesy on someone else. I obviously was wrong in thinking that the references to how "nice" and "intuitive" this guy has been to others would be evidenced before the clock starts ticking. My mistake.

 

All (well most) of your input has helped me realize that while I'm perfectly able to go with the flow, I'm going to have to stay on guard to not get swept under or aside. Doesn't sound too relaxing but I'm glad to realize it in advance. Thanks.

[HotdadENYC]

For what its worth Bosman, my opinion is that your expectations were not too high at all.

 

As in any service industry, there are those who do a spectacular job, those who do a decent job and those who just don't measure up (as witnessed by the dumb twit who tried to take my dinner reservation for two, for tonight, and it took three (3) times for her to get it right).

 

I have no issue with the veracity of your post. If things happened as you describe, then I know I would be feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing.

 

There may be good reasons for unanswered e-mails or unreturned phone calls, but a lot of professionals (escorts included) make it a point to put "away alert" notices on both their e-mails and/or their phones just to let people know about their plans.

 

And I once again restate my utter distaste for an escort who discusses other clients (or other escorts, for that matter); it just doesn't leave me with a good feeling.

 

Yes, this is a money for service transaction, and you're right, that the money will keep you on the radar screen. However, considering the length of the appointment and the fact that you will be spending a good amount (I think), its not unreasonable to expect more of a quality communication beforehand.

 

If this were an hourly appointment, I would certainly have a much different take on the situation.

 

Anyway, go with the flow if you wish, but I wouldn't recommend letting your lack of experience stand in the way of making you feel comfortable about the upcoming event. After all, its YOUR money and you should feel OK about parting with it.

 

In closing, in defense of the escort, you should undertand that not all escorts can be all things to all people. Even the best escorts have their "less than stellar" moments and if, as you say, you've been reading this forum for a while, then surely you are aware that even the superstars have their detractors (whether legitimate or not).

 

Whatever your ultimate decision, I wish you good luck.

 

hd NYC

[Boston Guy]

Bosman,

 

Although I have responded several times to this question already, I feel like I should respond again.

 

I would urge you to consider NOT thinking of this as a business transaction and actually urge you to consider forgetting about the money, if you can. I'm totally with the others who have suggested that the escort is most likely busy and thinking about the things that are current on his calendar. Sometimes -- and I'm not accusing you of this at all -- there is a tendency to think that buying an escorts time in advance entitles one to a fair amount of that time in advance of the get-together for things like chatting, email, etc. Some escorts encourage this, some don't. Yours might now.

 

Again, I recommend that you simply relax, look at this as a vacation, and lower your expectations to some reasonable level. I wouldn't go into this expecting to have some serious question and answer period with the escort ahead of time, with the whole meeting hanging in the balance. I mean, you're hoping to lose your virginity, for God's sake. Do you really want to make it seem like a deposit at a bank?

 

Instead, I'd recommend that you:

 

(a) Name the escort here, soon, if you are really that concerned. Seek concurrence from guys here, if you need to, that he's on the up-and-up. That's legit and reasonable, given the kinds of discussions that go on here.

 

(b) Go see him with open arms, an open mind, and fun on your agenda. Seek only to have a good time. Don't go into this with a check-list of things that have to happen. Instead, treat it like a date and simply enjoy meeing another person and spending time with him. Let him take the lead, but communicate -- easily, casually and in a friendly manner -- some of your hopes and observations. Understand ahead of time that escorts are not robots and they, too, have mixed feelings when meeting a new person. Be nice and, hopefully, he will be nice in return.

 

© Don't make this so big in your mind that if it isn't everything you want it to be, you'll be scarred for life. Keep it in perspective. I mean, really, we're simply talking about sex here. People are dying all over the world right now and there's a lot of hunger and need. Your first time will hopefully be nice and fun and all that you hope for. But, if it's not, chalk it up to life and look forward to your second time. Keep it in perspective.

 

And, finally, don't forget that you can come back to M4M for commiseration, should it proce necessary (which I sincerely hope it will not be).

 

Regards,

BG

[+ Charlie]

I think most of BG's advice is sound. Remember that this adventure is a much bigger deal for you than it is for the escort, so he is not going to be thinking about it constantly over the past months the way you have. Many popular escorts get inquiries, sometimes extremely detailed inquiries, from guys who want to do something in the future, but never actually follow through when the time comes, so it's not surprising that he is not spending a lot of time checking back with you regularly. He may reasonably consider someone like you, with no previous track record, even less like to show up when push comes to shove. It's also hard to be "intuitive" about someone you have not yet met--wait to see how he interacts with you during the appointment before you jump to the conclusion that previous reviewers were wrong about him.

 

I disagree with BG about naming the escort here and now. You are simply likely to get the same reassurances about him that already appear in the reviews, and if there are also negative comments, how will they help you? Are you actually looking for an excuse not to go through with the appointment? If it turns into a flaming thread about the escort in question, isn't it likely to make your meeting even more tense, on both sides? Better to stop worrying, go ahead with the meeting without the checklist of expectations, as BG wisely advises, and then write your own review. If the experience is not perfect, it doesn't mean that your life--or your sexlife--will be permanently damaged: the first time is always memorable, but not necessarily critical.

[HotdadENYC]

Both BG and Charlie have posted some excellent advice which has caused me to rethink some of what I previously posted.

 

Bosman, it dawns on me that while you might want a little more consideration from the escort in question, given your naive inexperience, he may be perceiving that you are not yet totally committed to seeing the appointment through.

 

As far as what you feel are other shortcomings on the escort's part (lack of response, talking about other clients, etc.) I think its important that you address these issues with the escort directly and let him know how you feel about that. Nicely. I agree that you have valid issues in this regard.

 

Curious as I am about who the escort is, I'm not sure what naming him here will accomplish....if you get a slew of positive feedback, will that make you more comfortable? If you get negative or mixed feedback, will that make you more conflicted than you already are?

 

If you do decide to go through with the session, I think its more appropriate to name the escort in a review. Seems a little unfair to potentially trash someone that you haven't even met yet.

 

And on that note, I think most of us agree: RELAX......keep your anxiety in check and look forward to the moment. Who knows? Your first time might turn out, in retrospect, to be the best you'll ever have.

 

Good luck. And thanks BG & Charlie for the incisive postings.

 

hd NYC

[Boston Guy]

Charlie:

 

Upon reconsideration, I think that your and HD's advice not to name the escort is sounder than my advice was. Just another example of multiple heads being better than one! :-)

 

BG

[+ friendofsheila]

My 2 cents:

 

I've met more than one person who is good for exactly one conversation. After that, they don't follow through for whatever reason. There's times I really hate it. I'm learning how to recognize them and evaluate what I want to do based on that new perspective.

 

One escort I know says he doesn't like dealing with stuff other than the "performance." Not the greatest businessman in the wider sense; maybe yours is the same.

[Bosman]

Thanks for all the good advice, guys.

 

The borderline panic has been contained. I see now that any pre-meeting consideration is as unrealistic as post-meeting.

 

I never intended to identify the escort for the same reasons all of you gave.

 

I'm in the process of packing, my flight is tomorrow morning. I wish I could say I was excited but a 'wait and see' mindset seems to work.

 

Thanks again, you've been a great help (apologies for the drama).

[Txpaytoplay]

Relax and have fun.....

I feel like I am watching a child leave home and go off to college for the first time by reading all of the advice here....:-)

Be sure you have fresh breath and are wearing deodorant and have dooshed! OK...may be a bit much!

 

Seriously though,

Enjoy the moment....there will never be another first time:-)

 

Just my two cents worth....

[ErikMcAlister]

"I'm totally with the others who have suggested that the escort is most likely busy and thinking about the things that are current on his calendar."

 

Such as "partying" so much that he can't be reached?

[Luv2play]

I have been following this post but didn't make any input until now since I thought the advice being tendered was pretty good. One point bothers me a little though and that is the discussion concerning the escort relating his experiences with other clients. What was not clear is whether the escort had identified these clients or described them in ways which would identify them (such as other M4Mers om this board). If he did that, then I would steer clear from him, no matter what his other qualities were. Otherwise I could only imagine that my meeting with him would also be the subject of his conversations with other potential clients.

 

But if he only described his experiences without identifying the clients, I myself would find that useful as an indication of the kinds of activities he was comfortable with and how he interacted with his clients. I have had lots of discussions like this with the escorts I see or talk with and find it most useful. I NEVER push for any info that would identify the client but I certainly express an interest in what he did with him if the subject comes up. To me, it rounds out the picture I have of the escort and how he deals with different situations in a way that is more detailed than a mere description of his interests such as "oral" or "anal", "top" or "versatile". And I don't see anything wrong with that.

[JamesK840]

Good luck with your encounter!

 

I hope you're having fun right now, all your anxieties forgotten. Be sure to tell us how it goes.

 

You may want to consider posting what area you're in, to see if any message center regulars want to get together. I started the LA Hooville gathering shortly after I started hiring for the first time, and it's been a lot of fun to meet, compare notes, give and receive advice and just have some new friends to discuss all kinds of sorted and mundane stuff with and to expose me to new things.

 

And if it doesn't go well, get back on the horse! Spending all that time with someone your very first time, even the world's most perfect escort, seems like it could get overwhelming pretty quick. So if you end up in your own place, relax and call some other well-reviewed escort in the area about coming to you for a couple hours the next day. If they have a several month lead-time say goodbye and call another...

[PacNW]

RE: Good luck with your encounter!

 

Even it it went wonderfully, get back on that horse once you're home and start planning another. I've only been hiring escorts for a few months, and my first was a big name from out of town, too. And he was great and did everything I wanted. Since then I've hired others who were cheaper, or better performers, or more fun to be around. One of the great things about this is the variety of escorts about and available to meet. I think your anxieties leading up to today were natural and to be expected; just don't let the same kind of post-event analysis keep you from moving on and continuing your exploration.

[HotdadENYC]

RE: Good luck with your encounter!

 

>Even it it went wonderfully, get back on that horse once

>you're home and start planning another. I've only been hiring

>escorts for a few months, and my first was a big name from out

>of town, too. And he was great and did everything I wanted.

>Since then I've hired others who were cheaper, or better

>performers, or more fun to be around. One of the great things

>about this is the variety of escorts about and available to

>meet. I think your anxieties leading up to today were natural

>and to be expected; just don't let the same kind of post-event

>analysis keep you from moving on and continuing your

>exploration.

 

 

Pac, I think that was some GREAT advice and an awesome conclusion to this long, drawn-out thread. We all hope that the guy in question and his escort are, right now, in the throws of indescribable ecstacy.

 

SO, when you get me on the couch, would you mind if I take off you shoes and socks and play with your feet?

 

Regards,

 

hd NYC