+ azdr0710 Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 http://68.media.tumblr.com/c4d733fb145d63f2c325be9a94de1eed/tumblr_mndtg3FBoq1r3gb3zo1_400.gif bigvalboy and Good Grief 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ azdr0710 Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 http://68.media.tumblr.com/a40977f1bd718b44cafd0985486fd734/tumblr_ou9nguZ7JI1v1bj9io1_500.jpg rvwnsd, Good Grief and bigvalboy 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 May 15, 2017 This Woman Was Arrested For ‘Stealing’ A Case Of Water Bottles And THIS Was Her Husband’s Response. Dear Whole Foods executives: I consider myself to be a loyal Whole Foods customer. In fairness, it’s my wife who is the customer, since it is she who actually frequents your stores and spends the money. “Frequent” is an appropriate word to use, because she frequents your stores frequently. Indeed, between October 8 and November 27th of this year, she purchased goods from you on 27 separate occasions. The total spend during that period was $2,165.46 (an average $80.20 per visit). Just the other day, I pointed out to her that if she keeps this up, we will spend close to $30K a year at Whole Foods, if I’ve done my math right (which I have). I’m not sure where that ranks on your “customer value” metric (if you guys bother to track that sort of thing) but I’d venture to guess it’s pretty high. I mean, really. Thirty grand a year on friggin pears, quinoa and smoked turkey has got to be up there, no? Someone over there has to be making a bit of coin on our visits, although admittedly, I’m not up on the current margins for quinoa sales. That’s why it was so shocking to me to learn that she was arrested by your staff during her last visit to Whole Foods. Arrested, you might ask? Well, it seems that way. And the crime? She “stole” a case of water. Admittedly, I feel somewhat responsible for this “theft” since I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on her to stockpile water bottles. I’ve been very thirsty lately. I’ve had many sleepless nights craving my water from Whole Foods. But, alas, the other night, when I groggily made my way to our kitchen pantry at 3AM, we were out of those sacred bottles. Imagine my outrage… this was the final straw! In a desperate attempt to quench my insatiable thirst, I told her: “Honey, you are going to have to do better with the shopping. We need more Whole Foods water bottles. I don’t care how you get them – just get them!” The next day, a plot was hatched. My wife set out to “steal” water bottles from Whole Foods. Brilliantly disguised as an everyday shopper (pushing a cart around, sampling items, making purchases and all those things normal shoppers do), my wife surreptitiously took a water bottle case and stashed it underneath her cart, masking it with the only available “cover” she had – her gym bag. Her true genius on full display, she filled her shopping cart with another $180 worth of “decoy” shopping goods, (which of course she would pay for in full), all in a clever attempt to draw people’s attention away from the real prize. The crown jewel. A $5 case of Whole Foods water. Palms and brow billowing with sweat, she made her way to the cashier, as the final stage in her plan – the escape – was now well within grasp. Just beyond the register, she could see her freedom – and a life of endless amounts of Whole Foods water (or at least a few days worth). But, my dear Whole Foods executives, it was not to be. On this fine day, one of your crafty security guards would foil the plan. Drawing from his many weeks of in-classroom training in the art of thwarting dastardly acts such as “stealing water bottles”, “eating food from the coveted salad bar while still shopping”, and “using expired coupons”, his spidey senses went off the minute she walked into the store. And why wouldn’t they go off? After all, it is rare that you would see a shopper who has been in your store 27 times in the past month and a half come back again to do more shopping the next day (hmmm, wait a minute…?). Ducking behind the deep freeze, dropping-and-rolling around the fresh produce, and using the mixed nuts section as camouflage, our Whole Foods SWAT team member stalked his prey, patiently waiting for the opportune moment to strike. Once my evil-doer wife passed the register while paying for all of her groceries, except the Whole Foods Holy Water, your faithful security guard pounced. Accosting her in a crowded elevator in front of 15 other customers (accomplices perhaps?), he loudly (and proudly) proclaimed, “Miss, you are under arrest. You stole water from us and I am going to have to take you in.” I kid you not, the lad said “take you in”. Beaten at her own game, my wife had to think on her feet. Under pressure, and furious about the situation, all she could muster was: “Oh shit, I totally forgot about that. It was hidden under my gym bag. Here’s five bucks – I’m so embarrassed and I really do apologize.” Now, whole foods executives, both of us know just how ridiculous that excuse sounds. We all know that’s COMPLETELY implausible. Especially to customers who shop every day and have a zillion other things going on. It should be patently obvious to anyone that reads this that my wife hatched a plot to steal $5 worth of water, and was caught red-handed. My only relief is that your able-bodied staff properly resolved the situation. After keeping her under “lockdown” for a half hour, interrogating her about her motives and plans for future attacks on Whole Foods (thankfully, she unleashed her fury on Whole Foods as an “independent”, with no direct ties to Al-Qaeda, ISIS or any other terrorist organization), they let her go. And, in a strangely ironic twist, they gave her the water bottle case for free. I crack myself up every time I re-read that sentence. But there’s one more catch. I consider it my own consolation prize. The catch is that before she was allowed to leave, the kind staff at Whole Foods told her she’s never allowed to shop there again. Phew, what a relief! Now I can take my $30K per year food budget to one of your competitors, where, I’ve been most pleased to discover, a dollar is stretched to a far greater degree. And, they have such great deals on cases of water. They are a practical steal! Yours truly and truthfully, *David TruHart1 bigvalboy, + quoththeraven, + sam.fitzpatrick and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike carey Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 @TruHart1, I wonder whether they have a Trader Joe's gold card yet? TruHart1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ quoththeraven Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 May 15, 2017 This Woman Was Arrested For ‘Stealing’ A Case Of Water Bottles And THIS Was Her Husband’s Response. Dear Whole Foods executives: I consider myself to be a loyal Whole Foods customer. In fairness, it’s my wife who is the customer, since it is she who actually frequents your stores and spends the money. “Frequent” is an appropriate word to use, because she frequents your stores frequently. Indeed, between October 8 and November 27th of this year, she purchased goods from you on 27 separate occasions. The total spend during that period was $2,165.46 (an average $80.20 per visit). Just the other day, I pointed out to her that if she keeps this up, we will spend close to $30K a year at Whole Foods, if I’ve done my math right (which I have). I’m not sure where that ranks on your “customer value” metric (if you guys bother to track that sort of thing) but I’d venture to guess it’s pretty high. I mean, really. Thirty grand a year on friggin pears, quinoa and smoked turkey has got to be up there, no? Someone over there has to be making a bit of coin on our visits, although admittedly, I’m not up on the current margins for quinoa sales. That’s why it was so shocking to me to learn that she was arrested by your staff during her last visit to Whole Foods. Arrested, you might ask? Well, it seems that way. And the crime? She “stole” a case of water. Admittedly, I feel somewhat responsible for this “theft” since I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on her to stockpile water bottles. I’ve been very thirsty lately. I’ve had many sleepless nights craving my water from Whole Foods. But, alas, the other night, when I groggily made my way to our kitchen pantry at 3AM, we were out of those sacred bottles. Imagine my outrage… this was the final straw! In a desperate attempt to quench my insatiable thirst, I told her: “Honey, you are going to have to do better with the shopping. We need more Whole Foods water bottles. I don’t care how you get them – just get them!” The next day, a plot was hatched. My wife set out to “steal” water bottles from Whole Foods. Brilliantly disguised as an everyday shopper (pushing a cart around, sampling items, making purchases and all those things normal shoppers do), my wife surreptitiously took a water bottle case and stashed it underneath her cart, masking it with the only available “cover” she had – her gym bag. Her true genius on full display, she filled her shopping cart with another $180 worth of “decoy” shopping goods, (which of course she would pay for in full), all in a clever attempt to draw people’s attention away from the real prize. The crown jewel. A $5 case of Whole Foods water. Palms and brow billowing with sweat, she made her way to the cashier, as the final stage in her plan – the escape – was now well within grasp. Just beyond the register, she could see her freedom – and a life of endless amounts of Whole Foods water (or at least a few days worth). But, my dear Whole Foods executives, it was not to be. On this fine day, one of your crafty security guards would foil the plan. Drawing from his many weeks of in-classroom training in the art of thwarting dastardly acts such as “stealing water bottles”, “eating food from the coveted salad bar while still shopping”, and “using expired coupons”, his spidey senses went off the minute she walked into the store. And why wouldn’t they go off? After all, it is rare that you would see a shopper who has been in your store 27 times in the past month and a half come back again to do more shopping the next day (hmmm, wait a minute…?). Ducking behind the deep freeze, dropping-and-rolling around the fresh produce, and using the mixed nuts section as camouflage, our Whole Foods SWAT team member stalked his prey, patiently waiting for the opportune moment to strike. Once my evil-doer wife passed the register while paying for all of her groceries, except the Whole Foods Holy Water, your faithful security guard pounced. Accosting her in a crowded elevator in front of 15 other customers (accomplices perhaps?), he loudly (and proudly) proclaimed, “Miss, you are under arrest. You stole water from us and I am going to have to take you in.” I kid you not, the lad said “take you in”. Beaten at her own game, my wife had to think on her feet. Under pressure, and furious about the situation, all she could muster was: “Oh shit, I totally forgot about that. It was hidden under my gym bag. Here’s five bucks – I’m so embarrassed and I really do apologize.” Now, whole foods executives, both of us know just how ridiculous that excuse sounds. We all know that’s COMPLETELY implausible. Especially to customers who shop every day and have a zillion other things going on. It should be patently obvious to anyone that reads this that my wife hatched a plot to steal $5 worth of water, and was caught red-handed. My only relief is that your able-bodied staff properly resolved the situation. After keeping her under “lockdown” for a half hour, interrogating her about her motives and plans for future attacks on Whole Foods (thankfully, she unleashed her fury on Whole Foods as an “independent”, with no direct ties to Al-Qaeda, ISIS or any other terrorist organization), they let her go. And, in a strangely ironic twist, they gave her the water bottle case for free. I crack myself up every time I re-read that sentence. But there’s one more catch. I consider it my own consolation prize. The catch is that before she was allowed to leave, the kind staff at Whole Foods told her she’s never allowed to shop there again. Phew, what a relief! Now I can take my $30K per year food budget to one of your competitors, where, I’ve been most pleased to discover, a dollar is stretched to a far greater degree. And, they have such great deals on cases of water. They are a practical steal! Yours truly and truthfully, *David TruHart1 Unless I'm misunderstanding what "case" means in this context, the most ridiculous part is that Whole Foods would sell a case of water for $5. Also, at least around here, Trader Joe's is less pricey than Whole Foods. TruHart1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ azdr0710 Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 thought I might trot these out again....."How very dare you"..... bigvalboy and + WmClarke 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ oldNbusted Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 + quoththeraven, TruHart1 and Bertster 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ poolboy48220 Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Funny pic - but what's "the d"? + oldNbusted 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ WmClarke Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Funny pic - but what's "the d"? dick + oldNbusted 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ poolboy48220 Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, sometimes I feel like that chatting with dancers at the bar. + jeezopete, MsGuy and + oldNbusted 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaffingBear Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 WORST BUSINESS PROMO EVER http://d2rh47e5xt6o5p.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/15111702/2706169d7469094aecc9e157ddb2dbd4.gif + WmClarke, + pitman and + quoththeraven 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Slater Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 WORST BUSINESS PROMO EVER http://d2rh47e5xt6o5p.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/15111702/2706169d7469094aecc9e157ddb2dbd4.gif Guess it depends on the business. Kevin Slater rvwnsd, + honcho, + quoththeraven and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaffingBear Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 No way to cross link in two threads, or I'd connect this to the Eclipse Thread. 26 DUMB ECLIPSE JOKES FOR THE YOUNGSTERS..... https://www.buzzfeed.com/virginiahughes/swell-eclipse-jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ José Soplanucas Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 I am still laughing: https://twitter.com/tysandsnyc/status/898944528304013317 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvwnsd Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 In honor of Trader Joe's 50th Anniversary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ José Soplanucas Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Nvr2Thick, + quoththeraven, + honcho and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike carey Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 [ATTACH=full]13521[/ATTACH] + oldNbusted, bigvalboy, rvwnsd and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvwnsd Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Calvin and Hobbes is my favorite cartoon strip next to Peanuts. Thanks for posting. + Gar1eth and + José Soplanucas 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/lom7vwaf1d7ywa5/File%20Aug%2021%2C%205%2030%2013%20PM%20%281%29.jpeg?dl=0 I guess this is what they were talking about when they said, "If you don't stop it, you'll go blind!!" Gman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/lom7vwaf1d7ywa5/File%20Aug%2021%2C%205%2030%2013%20PM%20%281%29.jpeg?dl=0 I guess this is what they were talking about when they said, "If you don't stop it, you'll go blind!!" Gman But I'm still puzzled by how staring at the sun during an eclipse makes hair grow in the palm of your hands. Gman MsGuy, rvwnsd and bigvalboy 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigvalboy Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=574677892729574 Kevin Slater 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Slater Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=574677892729574 Never heard of this guy before. He's good. Kevin Slater Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 @FreshFluff, please be careful out there. It's hurricane season!!! Gman sincitymix, + quoththeraven, rvwnsd and 6 others 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ José Soplanucas Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 Mydavid, MsGuy, + WmClarke and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 I get the vague idea. I'm not sure I want to understand better. Gman rvwnsd 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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