My Date for Tonight Just Cancelled and I think I am happy about it. Thoughts?

[bigvalboy]

To me, it also implies a lack of sincerity on the client's part. I'm blocking the time, gussying up, cabbing over, et cetera, and he's hedging his bets.

 

Very very interesting post, as I to was interested in the escorts thinking. All too often on the M-F we assume it is the escort who is trying to scam the client, control the situation, make it difficult for the client to change his mind or cancel. Many of us know EZE, and we also know that his intentions were honorable, but after reading your post I can see where the escort saw a red flag. I never looked at it like that.

 

I have always met the escort first either in the lobby, bar, restaurant, or some off site location. I would feel very uncomfortable being in a strange city, not knowing the escort and have him come directly to my room. I would want to be in a neutral place in case the pictures did not match or they were not representative of his current look, and to make sure that I was getting a good vibe from the escort. That being said, you raise a very valid point in that the dishonesty and scamming goes both ways, and I have always said that.Many thanks for responding.

[adriano46]

Kevin's perspective is very interesting and one to think about.

 

I often hire escorts who are from Europe (just a small preference) and some are not 100% comfortable in English. Having often hired in Europe, it was generally the policy in some eastern capitals to meet the escort in the hotel lobby (say in the upscale hotels of Budapest or Bucharest or Prague) so that it appears you know each other and the nosey concierge or front desk people do not hassle the guy getting to your room (as ost places from Prague, Moscow, Budapest, Bucharest, and even Vienna where I stayed demanded security keys for getting to the rooms). I remember a funny incident in Moscow, I went to the lobby, te escort was trying to call my room (we kept passing each other in the lobby)... and finally realized the guy there was my "date" -- he did not look at all like his photos and to me it was a bait and switch, so... I passed.

 

When I hire here, if there is easy access to the room from the lobby, fine. But if it is a hotel lobby with problematic or overly protective security staff, I offer (and prefer) to meet the escort either in the lobby or even outside the hotel on the street so we can each check the other out, and still part ways if there are any doubts or concerns. I once hired a well-known (in his day) porn star for two hours... had I seen him on the street before he got to my room, the entire date would have been cancelled (he was somewhat drunk, disheveled, high on something, and smelled of tobacco and not showering). As it is, he came to the room and it took me 5 minutes to see how bad this guy was - and the next hour was tense as I tried to remove him from the place. He literally left a stench on me and on the room.

[Steven_Draker]

EZE, you were both on the defensive and that's why the meeting didn't take place. You misjudged the escort and the escort misjudged you thinking that you were a flake or not willing to pay.

 

rvwnsd makes two important points:

 

1. If the escort does not raise the issue of paying him up front, don't raise it yourself. Although I agree with you and would not pay up front, it is very likely your introduction was a sign to him that you would not pay at all.

2. Address the notion of meeting in the hotel bar, instead of in the room, when you book the appointment. My guess is the escort was as taken aback by your insistence that you meet in the bar as you were by his refusal to do so.

 

Personally, I do not like meeting for a first time and socializing with a new client in a hotel bar, just not my scene.

 

Meeting in the hotel lobby and taking your escort/client to the room (if the elevator is key-operated) is a "normal practice".

[RockHard]

Meeting in the hotel lobby and taking your escort/client to the room (if the elevator is key-operated) is a "normal practice".

 

Alcohol plays a minor role in my social life, and I'm not a fan of alcohol breath during sex. I like to keep the smells natural. When I stay in a hotel, it's usually a hotel I've stayed in before, and certain staff members tend to recognize me. I prefer to be as discreet as possible, because I'm usually in work mode. Therefore, no meetings in public spaces within a hotel.

 

If I plan to meet and take an escort to my hotel room, I ask to meet on the street first, just around the corner from my hotel and out of site of the doorman. I always want to leave the hotel staff with the impression that I'm entering with a friend and we just parked the car.

 

I've used this method for many years and it works for me.

[EZEtoGRU]

Different strokes for different folks I guess. I am not comfortable initially meeting with a "date" in my hotel room when I have never met them before. With someone that I know and have seen before (and with whom there is a degree of mutual trust), I have no problem with them coming direct to my room. Years ago I would let unknown escorts come direct to my room and I had several problems. As I said in an earlier post, once the escort is in the hotel room, the client has pretty much lost any control or leverage over the situation if the escort turns out to be problematic or just isn't the guy that you agreed to hire. I guess I changed my policy on that 10 years ago and it has worked better for me in terms of weeding out the problem guys.

 

Yesterday was the first time in years that an escort has refused to meet me downstairs. His loss? My loss? We'll never know.....and it really doesn't matter at this point. I'm at the airport and off to Montreal now where I am virtually guaranteed a good time.

 

Thanks again for all the comments.

[bigvalboy]

and it really doesn't matter at this point. I'm at the airport and off to Montreal now where I am virtually guaranteed a good time.

 

EZE don't think for a moment any of this was your fault. You did what made you comfortable, and that is the only thing that matters...and YES Montreal is waiting, and you are virtually guaranteed a good time.

[RockHard]

I am not comfortable initially meeting with a "date" in my hotel room when I have never met them before.

 

I'm not comfortable with that either, but, IMO, this is a detail I would work out beforehand. In any negotiation, last minute requirements will always arouse suspicion. When the gut says get out, I get out.

 

My favorite hotels require announcement of visitors before you'll be permitted to enter an elevator. I don't reveal my legal name to an escort, so going to the front desk and asking for my alias isn't going to get you far.

 

There are certain hotels who have staff that know me by my legal name. I sometimes fear being "clocked" by the doorman who says, "How are you today, Mr. Classypants." Most staff members who know me be name mostly work the day shift, so I'm very careful when I plan a hook-up. Later evenings are usually best for me.

 

I've come to really enjoy the meet-on-the-street greeting for a hotel rendezvous. It provides a great setup for presentation. I like to see the escort's walk. I like to check out his clothing. I like to see his facial expression as he approaches me. The ride up in the elevator together is always fascinating, especially if the elevator is lined with reflective material, which most are. There's no way to get the same impressions, or "read," when someone is just standing in your doorway.

[JT Brooklyn]

Just a thought but maybe he thought you were going to meet, have drinks, enjoy his attractive company for 30 minutes at the bar and then excuse yourself to use the restroom and not return. Some people pull stuff like that. I also think he might have requested the money upfront as a last minute request as he thought you were trying something devious. If he had met you in your room he might not have asked for it. Not sure. Some of these guys have been ripped off, as so have many clients, in so many differnet ways they are super cautious to the least little thing.

 

Totally Agree with Travis. Traveling Escorts tend to be more suspicious with a New Client especially in Hotel Situations...WHICH I DONOT BLAME THEM FOR!

 

IF you don't like the "$$ Upfront Deal" make sure it will not become an issue BEFORE the fact! That's the one good thing about doing "Biz" with NYC Guys..They go with the flow and are not as suspicious as Traveler's!

[MiamiLooker]

Was there anything in the escort's reviews or ads that indicated he expected payment up front?

[EZEtoGRU]

I'm not comfortable with that either, but, IMO, this is a detail I would work out beforehand. In any negotiation, last minute requirements will always arouse suspicion. When the gut says get out, I get out.

 

I've come to really enjoy the meet-on-the-street greeting for a hotel rendezvous. It provides a great setup for presentation. I like to see the escort's walk. I like to check out his clothing. I like to see his facial expression as he approaches me. The ride up in the elevator together is always fascinating, especially if the elevator is lined with reflective material, which most are. There's no way to get the same impressions, or "read," when someone is just standing in your doorway.

 

In fact my date was advised the night before our intended encounter that I wanted him to meet me in the bar so it was not a last minute issue on my part. It only became an issue for him two hours before meeting when I reminded him of meeting in the bar. Hence my suspicions being aroused and then me mentioning the money thing. I'm quite comfortable with how I managed the situation. If I had it to do over again, I don't think I would do anything differently.

 

In terms of meeting on the street, I have done that before a couple of times. I'm not really a fan of that approach. I prefer a hotel lobby or bar meeting. In my case at least, I am not at all concerned with what the hotel staff thinks about who is with me going to my room......and really there is no point pretending it isn't happening. You may feel the hotel staff hasn't figured out your MO, but my bets would be on them knowing exactly what you are up to. In any decent hotel, the concierge, doorman, frontdesk clerk, bellhop, or security guy has seen it all and seen it many times over. If you are a repeat guest at particular hotels and have a history of bringing handsome young men into the hotel and taking them to your room, do you really think the staff don't know what's going on? If they are worth anything, they figured it all out long ago, stay quiet about it, and most importantly, don't let "Mr. Fancypants" know that we know he likes buggering handsome 20-something guys in his room when he is in town.

 

I certainly don't begrudge you meeting your hires on the street. You are comfortable with that which is perfectly fine. It gives you a sense (real or imagined) of slipping under the radar.

 

In the end, we all go with what we are comfortable with and avoid what we are not comfortable with.

[+ Axiom2001]

DAMN, if this is a post of 10.9.12, you certainly got a lot of salient written responses. I applaud you!

 

I also found this interesting reading, too, because I have always met with escorts in my hotel room unless a card has to be used for the elevator; then we've met in the lobby and have gone up. Nothing has ever happened that I did not want to happen [Thank God!].

 

Enjoy Montreal, a city where I have yet to visit.

[RockHard]

In my case at least, I am not at all concerned with what the hotel staff thinks

 

That makes a difference. Vacation is the only time I'm in a hotel for pleasure. When my work hat is on, I choose to care what other business folk think.

 

You may feel the hotel staff hasn't figured out your MO, but my bets would be on them knowing exactly what you are up to.

 

You'd lose that bet. I don't like being "figured out." Only the people closest to me know my MO, and sometimes I keep them guessing, which really pisses them off.

 

If you are a repeat guest at particular hotels and have a history of bringing handsome young men into the hotel and taking them to your room

 

I don't have a history with any single hotel. I'm surrounded by handsome young men all the time. None are escorts but some are famous.

 

do you really think the staff don't know what's going on?

 

The staff knows what I allow them to see. They are free to think what they want and say what they want behind my back, but I control the story they see.

 

don't let "Mr. Fancypants" know that we know he likes buggering handsome 20-something guys in his room when he is in town.

 

I don't hire 20-something boys. I like men, hairless, masculine men. No hotel staff member knows anything about my sex life. Many strangers and co-workers think I'm straight. I find it quite funny.

 

It gives you a sense (real or imagined) of slipping under the radar.

 

It's more than a sense, and it's quite real. When you meet someone on the street, no one sees that "first look," the facial expression that says you're meeting someone for the first time. When I walk into a hotel with an escort, we're already engaged in conversation, as if we're returning from dinner, and I make eye contact with no one else. There is no crime taking a friend to your room for a nightcap. No reason to arouse suspicion. As long as I strictly limit what hotel staff can see, I control my story.

[EZEtoGRU]

Keep fooling yourself Rockhard. If you're staying anywhere decent, for sure they have you figured out. It's their job. It's also their job not to let on to you that they get it. Now if you're hanging out at Hampton Inn's then yes I would agree with your statements. If you are at top properties, most of the staff have already read you like a book. They know. It's OK. And they won't say anything. Relax. Do be careful with the TMZ cameramen however. LOL.

[JoeyBryant]

I think this whole situation could have a better agreement. I'm glad the OP had fun anyway, but stuff like this doesn't need to be happening. It's just not worth it. I don't think it was worth losing a client or missing what could have been a great time. Both parties fell short in this situation, unfortunately. Maybe it's just me but I don't really see what the issue was on either part. I have no issue meeting a client in a hotel bar prior to going to the room, and in fact that's a bonus to me. A free Martini? Why not! Those who do offer, tend to be well-contributing clients in the long run. I've had clients who liked my personality enough over drinks to progress into an overnight.

 

Money upfront, once again. My philosophy is that if I'm traveling to some city and hosting in a hotel room, I pretty much want the money upfront. Why would an escort, traveling alone, going to allow a stranger into their room and not have any assurance from them? And with men4rent abolishing rates, I daresay it's even more important to be sure the correct rate is given. On the other hand, if a client is hosting...I don't require the money to be given upfront, for obvious reasons. I don't believe many clients would be willing to stiff an escort in his own residence. Plus, I know they may have concerns about the stranger in their home being a flight risk.

 

For clients who tell me before meeting they don't pay upfront, I say okay. And when they arrive I say okay, show me the money! (not verbatim) You don't have to pay me. Just put it in view. And then we go on about our business.

 

There's definitely a double-standard in the business that's got to change. Women collect money upfront, but the guy is expected to wait until afterwards. Every scenario doesn't call for leaving it at the end though.

[jawjateck]

EZE.....I have responded numerous times as you did, when something in the planning stage with an escort just ran off-track. I have certainly missed fun times with great guys, but when something just seems "off" at any point along the way, I discontinue pursuit of the escort and move on. It has served me well.

[RockHard]

Keep fooling yourself Rockhard.

 

My eyes and ears are wide open. No rose-tinted glasses on this face. I know how to play the discretion game, and I enjoy it.

 

If you're staying anywhere decent, for sure they have you figured out. It's their job.

 

They only know what I want them to know. Everything else is a guessing game.

[EZEtoGRU]

EZE.....I have responded numerous times as you did, when something in the planning stage with an escort just ran off-track. I have certainly missed fun times with great guys, but when something just seems "off" at any point along the way, I discontinue pursuit of the escort and move on. It has served me well.

 

Thanks Jawja. I'm satisfied with the way I handled this and the eventual outcome. Is is possible I missed out on a great time with this superhunk? Absolutely. It's also the case he missed out on a great and generous client. As many of us have said, we have to follow our gut instincts.

[EZEtoGRU]

There's definitely a double-standard in the business that's got to change. Women collect money upfront, but the guy is expected to wait until afterwards. Every scenario doesn't call for leaving it at the end though.

 

I think this issue has been discussed on another thread as well. I think there are several good reasons why female escorts can and should get paid up front. First, they are the physically smaller and weaker sex. If something goes wrong with the encounter, they need the comfort of knowing the money is already in their pocket and they can hightail it out of the situation. Secondly, I feel there are lower chances of performance issues with a female than a male. Let's face it, a female just needs to lay down and get fucked. Ok maybe she has to give a bj on occasion as well....but her job is not that difficult. A male escort, on the other hand, needs to achieve a good solid erection, often is required to fuck someone for 10-30 minutes whilst staying hard, and often is required to cum. All of these are opportunities for performance failure by the male escort. If he has been prepaid for the encounter, but then cannot achieve an erection, what is the chance the client is going to get some or all the money back? To me, they are vastly different situations and there is good reason to not pay male escorts until the "deed" has been successfully completed. For me this is especially the case with first-time hires. Less of an issue with repeat escorts that one knows can and will deliver.

[RockHard]

Let's face it, a female just needs to lay down and get fucked. Ok maybe she has to give a bj on occasion as well....but her job is not that difficult. A male escort, on the other hand, needs to achieve a good solid erection, often is required to fuck someone for 10-30 minutes whilst staying hard, and often is required to cum. All of these are opportunities for performance failure by the male escort. If he has been prepaid for the encounter, but then cannot achieve an erection, what is the chance the client is going to get some or all the money back?

 

And why is the male escort expected to do all that for $300-an-hour? Gays sure are cheap and demanding. If I were an escort, there's NO WAY I'm working that hard, for so little, to please some butt-ugly chubette (not speaking to you, Eze). I'm glad I don't require an escort to fuck me or ejaculate. Maybe I should ask for a discount. :-)

[+ WilliamM]

My eyes and ears are wide open. No rose-tinted glasses on this face. I know how to play the discretion game' date=' and I enjoy it. They only know what I want them to know. Everything else is a guessing game.[/quote']

 

I hope there's a time very soon when you do not have to expend such effort to live your life...more openly.

[RockHard]

I hope there's a time very soon when you do not have to expend such effort to live your life...more openly.

 

I'm not interested in living a more "open" life. These days, if you desire privacy, you have to work really hard to look out for yourself. We live in a Facebook age, whether we like it or not, and I'm not having any of that "friend" shit. The stupid youth can keep it.

[JoeyBryant]

I think this issue has been discussed on another thread as well. I think there are several good reasons why female escorts can and should get paid up front. First, they are the physically smaller and weaker sex. If something goes wrong with the encounter, they need the comfort of knowing the money is already in their pocket and they can hightail it out of the situation. Secondly, I feel there are lower chances of performance issues with a female than a male. Let's face it, a female just needs to lay down and get fucked. Ok maybe she has to give a bj on occasion as well....but her job is not that difficult. A male escort, on the other hand, needs to achieve a good solid erection, often is required to fuck someone for 10-30 minutes whilst staying hard, and often is required to cum. All of these are opportunities for performance failure by the male escort. If he has been prepaid for the encounter, but then cannot achieve an erection, what is the chance the client is going to get some or all the money back? To me, they are vastly different situations and there is good reason to not pay male escorts until the "deed" has been successfully completed. For me this is especially the case with first-time hires. Less of an issue with repeat escorts that one knows can and will deliver.

 

OK, the part about the erection is something I can imagine is a good reason to take it into consideration. And I know that often is.

 

The rest, I can't quite justify. The female is weaker. But she can just hightail it out if the situation gets out of hand? You see where I'm getting at here? Not to poke holes in what you're saying, but who's stronger than the other shouldn't be a factor in deciding who gets paid upfront and who doesn't. Neither does performance. The girl could be on her period and not mention it, when the client goes to lick the kitty and BAM...session over. I can name some other things, but I don't want to make it seem like I'm taking a jab at women escorts by any means.

 

However, to backtrack to my previous statement, I'm not really interested in changing who decides to collect or not collect money upfront. I was mainly just stating that in the situation of the OP, I didn't think it alone should have been cause of a red flag or anything like that. I've been asking for money upfront for 4 years (6 if you count the years I worked in a company which required money upfront for it's services) and haven't had anyone walk out the door or tell me to go home upon asking.

[RockHard]

I think there are several good reasons why female escorts can and should get paid up front.

 

The reasons are power and control. Whoever has the money is perceived to have the power and control. And since most gay queens, especially the closeted, come with control issues, well, it's easy to see why they hate surrendering the money upfront.

 

One can never underestimate the power of the pussy hovering over a horny straight guy who isn't getting much, or can never attract a sexy, good-looking woman. I'm not convinced a cock, especially one that struggles to get hard, has a similar effect on another gay guy. Plus, it's not that difficult for most gay men to get free sex. A simple gym membership can open a whole new world.

[EZEtoGRU]

The reasons are power and control. Whoever has the money is perceived to have the power and control. And since most gay queens, especially the closeted, come with control issues, well, it's easy to see why they hate surrendering the money upfront.

Power for the sake of power?..... not so much. Control of the situation to be sure the performance is provided? Absolutely. Too many fake escorts out there to do otherwise. As far as what the "closeted" do, I think we've learned via this thread that they meet their numbers on the street and try and sneak them into the hotel thinking no-one realizes what's going on.

[RockHard]

Power for the sake of power?..... not so much.

 

Yes, absolutely for the sake of power. Power is an age old aphrodisiac, and a lot of gay men struggle to feel they have any.

 

Control of the situation to be sure the performance is provided? Absolutely.

 

There's nothing sexier than dangling hundred dollar bills in an escort's face, as if he's some dog doing tricks (no pun), to motivate the dog into getting an erection and fucking some obese, ugly ass. Certainly not an approach to customer service that appeals to me.

 

As far as what the "closeted" do, I think we've learned via this thread that they meet their numbers on the street and try and sneak them into the hotel thinking no-one realizes what's going on.

 

Equating my right to privacy to being "closeted?" Was that really necessary? Eze, I thought you were smarter than that. Must every gay man be an open book, especially to strangers, to qualify as OUT? I don't think so.