Just for Laughs - Annual Darwin Award Winners

[dick_nyc]

The Darwin Award Winner

 

#1

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a

holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did

something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried

the trigger again. This time it worked.

 

and now, the honorable mentions:

 

#2

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine

and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance

company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to

have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The

chef's claim was approved.

 

#3

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a

blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the

space. Understandably, he shot her.

 

#4

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found

that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare

to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver

went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.

He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff

that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The

deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 

#5

An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious

head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the

injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he

could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

 

#6

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the counter, and

asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a

gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly

provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20

bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.

(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime

committed?)

 

#7

A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a

gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,

MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F***-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent.

Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over

laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his

gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief

ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later

put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers,

this is a F***-up!"

 

#8

Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd

just throw a

cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he

lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The

cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking

him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The

whole event was caught on videotape.

 

#9

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her

purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to

give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the

police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to

the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there

for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's

the lady I stole the purse from."

 

#10

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger

King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.

The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash

register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk

said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked

away.

 

#11

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a

chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of

pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off

their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain

still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the

chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

They were quickly arrested.

 

#12

Finally, a 5-star stupidity award winner! When a man attempted to siphon

gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more

than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man

curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said

that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon

hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle

declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[langster]

ROFLMMFAO! Best I've heard in a while! Thanks man.:+

[guptasa1]

Hilarious! All true? The funniest was the "This is a F***-UP!" one.

[guptasa1]

(in my opinion of course)

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

50,456,169

 

Understandly, we now know what the great majority of these people were conceiving in 2000. . . .

[+ Hoover42]

RE: 50,456,169

 

>The great majority of these people were conceiving in 2000

 

...and thus we expect the annual Darwin Awards to continue annually for the foreseeble future.

[+ deej]

>Hilarious! All true?

 

Supposedly. The Darwin Awards are pretty well-researched.

 

see http://www.darwinawards.com -- lots of chuckles there.

 

(and I like the mother stickers one too. ;-))

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

RE: 50,456,169

 

Actually, the number is a so-called certified count of individuals who, in spite of a larger number being in opposition to their judgment, prevailed in the year 2000.

[Doug69]

RE: 50,456,169

 

>Actually, the number is a so-called certified count of

>individuals who, in spite of a larger number being in

>opposition to their judgment, prevailed in the year 2000.

 

Well, then, I don't think it's the victorious 50,456,169 who are deserving of this award. That honor plainly belongs to the (larger) number of individuals who, despite having more on their side, still managed to lose.