Moving On from a Breakup

[Doe Be Doe]

This may be an odd question for this forum but does anyone have any advice on moving on from a romantic breakup? Especially when you did not want the breakup to happen?

 

Thanks.

[+ purplekow]

This is not exactly the same, but when my wife died, it was definitely a romantic breakup which I did not want to happen. I took time to grieve. I slowly began socializing again. Eventually, I found someone I decided was the right person with whom to have sex.

 

So, I would advise the same, Grieve.

Socialize.

Fuck.

 

Of course in my case, after that, i decided that sex with women would not likely ever be the same for me. I hired a male escort and started having sex with men. But you are probably passed all that, so I would go with the three basics.

 

Oh yeah. Step 4 is Fuck again and again and again as much and as often as you can. That really helps.

I am sure that there is a step 5 but I am kind of stuck on 4.

[bigvalboy]

This may be an odd question for this forum but does anyone have any advice on moving on from a romantic breakup? Especially when you did not want the breakup to happen?

 

Thanks.

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” -Rose Kennedy

 

Tomorrow morning, get out of bed, and go on with your life.

[+ FreshFluff]

This may be an odd question for this forum but does anyone have any advice on moving on from a romantic breakup? Especially when you did not want the breakup to happen?

 

Thanks.

 

I'm so sorry, DBD. They are really painful at first, and there's very little that can be done about that.

 

Also, working out and being with people can help improve your mood overall, even both are painful at first. And time does help, although it never seems like it at the time. And just having a friend there to hug you can help.

 

The only thing that has ever healed me is to find someone else whom I'm just as attracted. That may take time, or it can happen in a few months. But at some point, you will be having fun with a new guy you really like. How can you help make it happen?

 

First, the more you're out and about(in locations where that type of person can be found), the better your chances are. It's amazing whom you can meet on some random night. Second, being more confident will both make you feel better and help you meet someone. Looking better gives many people a confidence boost. There are lots of different things you can do in that direction (a good haircut, the gym, ...), but that's a different thread.

 

I wish you the best, DBD. Please keep posting here.

[jgoo]

Moving on, for me, involved more about accepting the reality and making sure I focused on other healthy things and activities rather than allowing any anger or bitterness to build up in me. I allowed myself to be sad when I was sad, but not to the point where I got depressed. I made an effort to be aware of my moods and to allow them for a time but not to permit them to overcome everything else. It was one day at a time....sometimes a bad day but usually every day got a little better because I made the effort to make sure I did things that were good for my psyche.

 

Everyone is different, but for me I did not want random sex with someone or hiring an escort to be a temporary substitute for what I had lost. I felt that in my case it would just sublimate my true needs and desires, which was for a meaningful relationship.

 

My thoughts and hopes are with you as you go through this process...how difficult it will be, who knows but I do feel confident in saying that at the end you will find happiness.

[+ Topseed]

Allow yourself to grieve. It's fine. And know that it will surface at unexpected moments and unplanned locations. Allow it to happen. "Grief is the price we pay for love" is a favorite quote (and, oddly, attributed to Queen Elizabeth II!)

 

Do not let other people put their values on you. Eliminate toxic people and toxic situations; you'll know both when you see them. Live your life now in a way that makes sense to you. You hold all the votes on your life's direction. Focus on what brings you joy (and, by the way, do you know what brings you joy? If not, have fun with the exploration!).

[Doe Be Doe]

Thanks for all the kind replies. (FYI: Escorts played no part in this at all.)

 

As soon as it became evident that the breakup was done I ran to my favorite escort. He was very kind and there was no sex but lots of holding, stupid jokes, and playing with the dog. Now, I am going to try giving up sex altogether until I'm through the shock.

 

It's been several days and I have yet to cry. I'm still in shock I suppose. My first partner died a long time ago. I didn't cry for a week until after the funeral. I suppose this is something like that.

 

One day at a time as the old song says.

 

Thanks again.

[+ Just Sayin]

I am sorry; when I went through this years ago, I was told it's always harder for the "dumpee" than it is for the "dumper;" do what you need to do to take care of yourself; time really is your ally.

[bigvalboy]

It's been several days and I have yet to cry. I'm still in shock I suppose. My first partner died a long time ago. I didn't cry for a week until after the funeral. I suppose this is something like that.

 

One day at a time as the old song says.

 

Thanks again.

 

One of these ol days, have yourself a good cry Doe Be Doe, ain't nothin wrong with that, and then look in the mirror, and give the guy a wink who is lookin back at you. You'll be fine.

[BaronArtz]

No matter how bad the break up is, express gratitude for the nice moments you had together. Then, FORGIVE. Forgiving, ultimately, is something you do for yourself.

[ZhenXBear]

This may be an odd question for this forum but does anyone have any advice on moving on from a romantic breakup? Especially when you did not want the breakup to happen?

 

Thanks.

 

I would agree with the other members that, while important, time does not heal wounds. After the demise of my last long term relationship (7 years), I placed myself in the Tower of Isolationism for 3 years. For longer relationships, often it's hard to remember what you use to do when you were single. It can be an opportunity to pursue passions that you set aside before you started functioning as a couple. I would caution anyone that there's a fine line between rediscovering your passions and a slide down the cliff into a sea of isolationism. I wouldn't advise remaining in those waters for longer than you absolutely need to before venturing out in the world again. It's not good to forget what it's like to be hugged romantically, or kissed , or cuddled, or the touch of someone's cheek against your own, or what its like to have another human being laying against you as you sleep. That was me; I completely forgot.

 

To be honest, the best decision I made was to reach out to a caring companion. While self-care is incredibly important you can only do so much for yourself when healing from emotional trauma. At some point, you need someone to grab you by the hand and walk you across that threshold which allows you to feel, to care, and be both nurturing and nurtured. The experience can be a wellspring of healing.

[Doe Be Doe]

Thanks again for the replies.

 

I really don't know how to go forward or what to do. I moved here to be with him and I don't regret that at all. I'm not angry. It's just now the whole world is an option and I'm facing it alone without the love of my life.

[ZhenXBear]

Thanks again for the replies.

 

I really don't know how to go forward or what to do. I moved here to be with him and I don't regret that at all. I'm not angry. It's just now the whole world is an option and I'm facing it alone without the love of my life.

 

Hey, I got that T-shirt too! I moved to another State to be with a guy I loved. While the relationship ended, the career opportunities grew and were directly influential long term.

 

I think the questions to ask yourself is if the locations is somewhere you enjoy. Is it a place you can be successfully and grow? Or just a temporary stop over while you decide where you really want to be?

[Racketjock]

I have been through a similar situation. I can only advocate that you give yourself time, and that time be focused on self care. For me, visiting a favorite restaurant, drinking a favorite wine, or a certain holiday all brought about pain and the memory of loss. I encourage you to talk, remain in contact with those who love and care for you, and make your care a priority. Loss hurts, but I am in a place now of being thankful for what I had and the memories made. Best wishes for you.

[instudiocity]

So, I would advise the same, Grieve.

Socialize.

Fuck.

Bears repeating, repeatedly.

[actor61]

This may be an odd question for this forum but does anyone have any advice on moving on from a romantic breakup? Especially when you did not want the breakup to happen?

 

Thanks.

It never gets good but it does get better. Time is the only thing that helps.

[robberbaron4u]

Pick up and carry on with your life. The "picking up" will be difficult, but, down the road, the "carrying on" can be downright fun!

[Bryanforservice]

My advivce: find some new dreams and aspirations. Dreams that weren't built with your former lover, but new ones that are just yours or will be for you and whomever you next have in your life to enjoy them. While you will certainly miss the man (or woman), each person also comes with the faults you won't miss. Yet the life you had envisioned together is still completely perfect in your mind. Coming up with new dreams, plans, goals, and ideas for what your life will be like (and it WILL BE GREAT) is what it will take for you to get "over your breakup" on on with your life.