Friend Sends E-Mail Asking for Money

[gallahadesquire]

I have a friend who loaned a mutual friend $25,000 (!!) and who actually could afford to lose it if not repaid. The recipient lied to her (and others) as to the reason the money was needed and was acting upset enough that when when she hesitated, he threatened suicide. They had a promissory note but he never "got around" to making any payments even with reminders and a number of years later when she had a very brief financial crisis and reminded him, he laughed at her and reminded her that the statute of limitations on the transaction had passed. She chalked it up to her being a total idiot, got over her crisis and is fine.

I, however, ran into the asshole in a high-end store and said very loudly, "I'm so happy (facetious) that you are still alive and did not commit suicide all these years after you stole the 25 grand from XXXXX. I'll be sure to give her and XXX and XXX your regards!" The guy was with a new wife who looked as if she had been struck by lightening! What FUN!

 

KARMA is such a bitch.

[+ FreshFluff]

I find it a bit bizarre that you chose to support him when things were going well, but show your judgmental side when he's having a rough time. I might have declined going to the apartment sale. But this seems to be a time when your friend might appreciate some kindness. He's already suffering from rejection and financial loss.

 

You're assuming the wife dumped him rather than the other way. I wouldn't have taken back the gift, but I might have brought friends who would each point out the gift they gave.

 

It would have been less tacky to sell them on Craig's List or something.

[mike carey]

It would have been less tacky to sell them on Craig's List or something.

Yup, that would have been a better way to go!

[Tonyko]

You're assuming the wife dumped him rather than the other way. I wouldn't have taken back the gift, but I might have brought friends who would each point out the gift they gave.

 

It would have been less tacky to sell them on Craig's List or something.

It was two men :-) Married in Hawaii :-) ps I think I showed restraint since I DIDN'T take back my Sonoma Pannini press wedding gift. (But I STILL enjoy it since I go for brunch at the friends who DID buy it :-)

[Guest]

Again, I agree that the inviting friends to a sale in which their gifts were being sold was in poor taste. However, I have never in my life taken back a gift, and I never intend to. I would simply have declined the invitation to the "sale." That was one rule my mum harped on me at a very early age "Never, ever take back a gift, even if you're mad at the person to whom you gave it." Of course, she also told me I should never, ever sell or even re-give a gift to someone else. Well, since it's a same-sex marriage, at least one can hope that there aren't alimony or child support problems involved. However, acrimonious divorces are expensive any way you slice it.

I have a friend who went through a messy, mixed-gender divorce some 12 years ago. The divorce process lasted almost 2 years, and he needed a lot of hand-holding. His ex-wife is a crazy bitch who was physically aggressive with him. He called it quits when she came after him with a kitchen knife one day. Although the kids are now adults, and he no longer has to pay child support, he's still paying alimony. Ironically, his ex-wife argued (successfully) that he had to support her because she's such a crazy, obnoxious bitch that she could never hold a job (although she holds a Ph.D.). Amazingly, in California, a man can be on the hook for spousal support indefinitely, even longer than the actual marriage lasted!!! I would think that the maximum period of support would be from the date of the marriage until the date the first divorce papers are filed. When she started living with another man long-term, he finally took her to court, and was able to negotiate a final date for alimony payments. What I found fascinating is that the man was paying for her attorney all along, both during the initial divorce and the later proceedings. Amazing how it works, and why I doubt I'll ever marry.

[gallahadesquire]

Such a beautiful piece. It reminds me of the plaster casts in Pompeii.

 

 

SOME ppl have no conscience have a diff pathology and are CAPABLE of ignoring these obligations and happily going on with their lives. Then there are those like ME who would be eaten up by it everyday until I'd paid it back (or returned the DVD sent the thankyou card responded to the Email read their new play or whatever it was I'd promised to do and hadn't)

BUT I've discovered that when confronted as someone did above, they often react like it's the FIRST time they'te aware of their obligation and will backpedal and say they will take care of it right away Okay, it's out of embarrassment, but who cares lol??

I have a bud, I went to his engagement party (gift), unisex shower (gift) Wedding (gift) and apartment warming (gift). FIVE YEARS LATER, divorce and split in progress, he had the BALLS to invite me an "apartment sale" party, price stickers on EVERYTHING. So now we are expected to what? BUY BACK OUR OWN GIFTS???

*I found one of mine, brought it over to him and said I'm taking THIS (he smiled expecting my wallet to come out) since I GAVE it to you (the smile stayed frozen) He said PLEASE OF COURSE. I'd never take back an enaggement or wedding gift, that's tacky, but the apartment warming gift he WASN'T profiting from sorry lol. (it wasn't super expensive, just a tiny Botero style piece of Lalique, it was the principle! (it's on my coffee tabe now )

http://s30.postimg.org/ty4yt0s9d/LLq.jpg

[gallahadesquire]

Another good reason to have things engraved. they're hard to sell, whereas the giver might remember the good times of the burgeoning couple.

 

Well, I would agree that inviting you to an event where your gifts were among those items being sold was fairly tacky. But so is taking back a gift. A gift is just that--it's not a loan, and not an "obligation." I also agree that wedding showers and engagement parties (that last one is a new one on me) are somewhat tacky, gift-grabbing opportunities. I generally politely decline invitations to wedding showers, but you chose to go to these events. Obviously, if the wedding had been called off, any engagement or wedding shower gifts should be returned. But a 5-year marriage is not a sham, even if you seem to think that the length of the marriage is a joke.

If you had to take back the gift, I'm glad it was the housewarming gift, and not the engagement/bridal/wedding gifts, because if you had taken one of those back, it would have clearly sent the message that you felt their marriage was a farce, and that perhaps they never really loved each other. Divorce is extremely expensive, and it generally involves a significant scale-back in lifestyle, especially for the man in a marriage with mixed genders. Your friend is probably going through (and has been through) some rough times, and it seems a tad bit petty to be wagging your finger at him at this time, which seems to be what you were doing.

I find it a bit bizarre that you chose to support him when things were going well, but show your judgmental side when he's having a rough time. I might have declined going to the apartment sale. But this seems to be a time when your friend might appreciate some kindness. He's already suffering from rejection and financial loss.