I'd have given different advice

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: During my entire 40-year marriage, I have wondered if my husband is bisexual. He met his friend “Ernie” around the same time he met me. My husband has always had female friends as well as Ernie. When he came home late, I’d accuse him of having affairs with his female co-workers.

We have stayed together, although there have been a lot of arguments. Years ago, my brother-in-law went golfing with my husband and Ernie. My brother-in-law told me my problem wasn’t another woman — it was a man. When I asked why he thought that, he said my husband and Ernie were in their own little world. He said he wasn’t jealous of their friendship, but it was just his opinion.

To cut to the chase, not long ago, my husband and three other friends went on a golf trip. There was a king-size bed in the master bedroom, a second bedroom with two queen-size beds, and a sofa sleeper. I asked my husband about the sleeping arrangements, and he said one slept on the couch, one in the room with two queen beds, and he and Ernie shared the king-size bed.

When I asked what the other guys thought about the two of them sleeping in the same bed he yelled, “I don’t care what they thought!” I said, “And it appears you don’t care what your wife thinks either.”

My husband has always said, “There isn’t another woman. You know I love you.” He has always denied being bi. He makes me feel like I’m crazy. Please tell me what you think. — FINALLY FED UP IN DELAWARE

DEAR FED UP: For two men to share a bed when there is another option is, in my opinion, questionable. Never having met your husband, I hesitate to state whether he is or isn’t cheating on you with Ernie. Being bisexual does not make a person an adulterer. If he were to confirm your suspicion that he is bisexual, would it change your longtime marriage? WHO CARES WHETHER YOUR HUSBAND IS BI? CAN YOU LIVE WITH A MAN WHO IS STUPID ENOUGH TO HAVE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT THE SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS? THAT, my friend, is the $64,000 question.

DEAR ABBY: I admire your wit and appreciate your candor SUCK UP!, which is why I’m writing to you. I’ve been dating a man for 4 1/2 years. He’s 56; I’m 60. I hope for a life with him, marriage, a place of our own, etc.

The only obstacle is his obligation to look after his aging parents and help them stay in their home, which he promised them years ago.

At first, I was OK waiting for him to finish with them OFF and looking forward to a time for us. I tried to help.

I even moved into his parents’ home with the three of them, as I am a certified home care aide, but his mother was impossible.

Even though it was her idea that I move in, it became obvious that she didn’t want my help with anything. She even banned me from “her” kitchen.

I spent six months there, sleeping in my own room, separated from my love, because in their world, if you’re not married and you’re having sex, you’re a sinner who’s going to hell.

Of course, we were having sex discreetly WHORE!, but apparently not discreetly enough, because his mother was absolutely certain we were having sex in her house against her rules. WHAT RULES DOES SHE HAVE FOR SEX?

Abby, it was a nightmare. There was more involved, but I was ultimately turned out of the house with no notice.

LONG story short: I don’t know if I can wait much longer for the life with him I want. Who knows how long this will go on. I’m losing faith it will ever work out. What do you advise? — RESTLESS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR RESTLESS: You and your boyfriend are adults and entitled to a sex life if you want one.

That he allowed his controlling mother to “turn you out of the house with no notice” (!) and couldn’t find the courage to enlighten her that if you left, he would be out of there, too, should have been the wake-up call you needed to move on.

Four and a half years has been long enough to wait. If you want the life you describe, your chances will be far better if you continue looking for a man who is available, because this one clearly isn’t. IN OTHER WORDS, KILL THE BITCH AND HER SON!

DEAR ABBY: My son married a girl from Taiwan. She’s sweet but very uncultured. I have tried for more than 10 years to get along with her, but it has been very hard. We have nothing in common except my son.

She doesn’t cook very often, or clean or do laundry. Her English is terrible. She dresses poorly, has no interest in her home and celebrates no holidays. We are never invited to dinner. We always entertain them. They have no children.

Our relationship with our son is strong, but I have grown to dislike her. She does very little for him. Her interest in saving money at the expense of any enjoyment is sad. I don’t know what to do. Help, please. — DISAPPOINTED IN TEXAS

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: OK, so she’s not your ideal daughter-in-law. Your son married this woman for a reason. SHE MUST BE A TOTAL FREAK IN BED!

The question is, does she make him happy? If the answer is yes, SHE MUST BE A TOTAL FREAK IN BED! devote your energy to focusing on that rather than your negative feelings about her.

And when you entertain them, rather than do it grudgingly, remember SHE MUST BE A TOTAL FREAK IN BED! you are doing it for him. (And smile.)

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I am 43, and I have been talking to this guy for seven months. We agree that we aren’t dating, and we are best friends with benefits. But it seems as though we spend all our time together and that we are basically dating, but without the title. How do I get this commitment-phobe to realize we should be together without actually telling him? It would scare him off. — Lacking Status in New Jersey

Dear Lacking SLUT: To you, the relationship you have with this guy seems like dating. To him, it’s friends with benefits. Nothing will change unless the two of you can have an honest conversation. If his way of handling it is to head for the hills — after seven months — then he really isn’t what you’re looking for. Sorry. WHY WOULD HE BUY THE COW WHEN HE CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE?

Dear Abby: I have a woman friend I take out to lunch every once in a while. I often pay the check. When she goes back home to her husband, he’s upset that she didn’t bring something back for him. He tells my friend, “It’s what partners do.”

Abby, these people are not without food or the means to get it. Neither one is starving, and he doesn’t bring back anything for her when he goes out. What are your thoughts on this? — Not Buying for Two

Dear Not Buying: The next time you take this friend to lunch, if she asks to order something for her husband, tell her it’s fine with you, but his portion of the check will be on HER.

P.S. And if “that’s what partners do” for each other, it shouldn’t be a one-way street. What a manipulator! WTF? LET HER ORDER SOMETHING FOR HIM, THEN WHEN SHE’S NOT LOOKING, PUT LAXATIVES AND/OR RAT POISON IN IT.

Dear Abby: I am the mother of a daughter, “Rebecca,” I placed for adoption when I was a teenager. Long story short, we have reunited. We not only have a wonderful relationship, but I have a great relationship with Rebecca’s adoptive mom, and my husband and children (with my husband) all have an open and caring relationship with her.

Fast-forward to my recent visit with Rebecca. She and I were out, and we ran into a friend of hers. She introduced me by saying, “This is Sally, my birth mother.” I had no problem with it and received a warm reception from her friend (who, I think, did have some “backstory” knowledge).

However, my later thoughts led me here: If the situation would be reversed, and I would be introducing her to someone, what do I say? There’s NO term for our “status.” I think of her as my daughter, but most people who have known me and my husband for 30 years or so don’t know I had a child as a teenager.

I love Rebecca, who is 50 now. Why isn’t there a term to describe who she is to me (without long explanations)? I feel like this relationship needs a term, too. — Reunited in Louisiana

Dear Reunited: Try this on for size: When you introduce your daughter to someone who hasn’t met her before, say, “I’d like you to meet THE PROOF THAT I WAS A TRAMP AS A TEENAGER, my oldest daughter, Rebecca.”

[viewing ownly]

Sam, a prequel - I'm only having fun with you here, but I deem it mandatory.

Dear Abby, there's this guy I know (of) who likes to take advice you give, and offer alternate advice that is more graphic and pointed, followed by a bunch of silly doodles, photos, and emojis. I don't read the context in full, because it's longer than a script for a three hour movie. 

I don't know what my bigger concern is, typing to him to scale it back a bit, or delete this letter to you since I know that you're already dead.

Sincerely, clueless betwixt one 

[samhexum]

13 minutes ago, viewing ownly said:

Dear Abby, there's this guy I know (of)

 

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I am a retiree with diabetes and heart trouble. My husband is disabled. I’m his sole caregiver when I have the energy to do it. Our adult daughter lives with us and works full time in the medical field on weekends. She does practically nothing around the house.

The real problem is, we have four dogs. Two of them are large. All four spend a lot of time in the house. The youngest is a puppy that already weighs 50 pounds. She’s uncontrollable — jumping, biting, scratching my arms with her claws and barking. I’ve been a dog owner my entire life, and I have never seen another one behave like this.

I was against getting the puppy but was outvoted by my husband and daughter. Of course, as soon as the novelty wore off, it became my responsibility to feed her, clean up her house-training messes and take care of her. I have begged my daughter to get her trained as she promised, but she always has an excuse.

Abby, I am exhausted! I’m ready to say, “It’s the dog or me,” but I have nowhere else to go. My husband is barely mobile and is often confined to his bed. We had home health care last year, but that ended when Medicare would no longer pay. I can barely take care of him and do everything that must be done. The dog is just too much. Help! — Overwhelmed in Texas

Dear Overwhelmed: I know you are exhausted, but enough is enough. For the sake of your own health, summon the strength to assert yourself. Is your daughter paying for her food and rent? If not, give her a list of chores you expect her to do — including starting dog-training classes with the animal she insisted become a member of the household. If she refuses, contact an animal rescue group to find it a new home. Then follow through.

P.S. A large, undisciplined dog could cause you or your husband to trip and fall, and the result could be catastrophic. If your daughter decides to leave, she can take her canine wrecking ball with her. Problem solved. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN SUCH AN OBVIOUS SOLUTION… KILL THE BITCH, AND AFTERWARD, GIVE THE DOG AWAY.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about invitation etiquette. I want to invite family members and friends I haven’t seen or spoken with in a long time to my children’s birthday parties and special events like baptisms. However, I do not want to seem like I am soliciting gifts or money.

I have heard that it is improper to request “no gifts” on the invitation because that assumes gifts would be given. What is proper etiquette for this? I want to see my family members, but I don’t want to offend them. — COME CELEBRATE IN NEW YORK

DEAR CELEBRATE: I can’t see how family members who are invited to a child’s birthday party would be offended. If they want to attend, fine. If they can’t, so be it. However, children’s birthday parties do require some sort of gift, and it shouldn’t be a hardship to provide something. Relatives and friends whose children are invited to the party will automatically bring a gift. WHATEVER YOU DO, YOU WILL END UP A PARIAH… KIDS’ BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE A HELLISH TRAP FOR PARENTS VIS-A-VIS GIFTS.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is 69, recently moved close to where my wife and I live to be near us as she ages. On the whole, this has been great for all of us. Mom is in good health and still very active. She walks every day and takes care of her house and garden. We see her often.

The problem is, she is very resistant to meeting new people or going out without us. She says she will never find friends as good as the ones she left behind, so it’s not worth trying. We encouraged her to join the senior center, which she did, but she quit after a month, saying the people there are “too old.”

I took her to church, but after the second Sunday, she announced she’s not going back. My wife tried to get her to join a club or volunteer at our kids’ school, but Mom said she doesn’t like to be on a schedule. Several neighbors invited her over, but she always makes excuses to decline. I think they have stopped asking.

Because she’s independent, this isn’t a big deal now. But I’m worried that if she doesn’t get to know people while she’s still active, we’ll be her only source of support as she ages.

You often ask if older parents are experiencing a change of personality caused by old age or dementia, and I don’t think this is the case here. Mom’s always been shy. Now she’s shy and stubborn. What are my options? — LOOKING OUT FOR MOM IN CHICAGO

DEAR LOOKING OUT: Among my first thoughts is that your mother isn’t the independent person you described, and she’s setting herself up to be completely dependent upon you and your wife for social interaction. It isn’t healthy for ANY of you.

Before she isolates herself further than she already has, sit her down and tell her directly that you do not want this to happen and that she MUST make more of an effort to interact with others. While relationships are not interchangeable, she once had a social life, and she will again IF she makes an effort.

If her shyness prevents her from easily conversing with strangers, suggest that she volunteer at an animal shelter. That way she will be out of the house, interacting with others and not solely dependent on you. MAKE SURE YOU’RE IN THE WILL AND KILL HER.

DEAR ABBY: My friend “Sally” has been dating this guy for 10 years. Their relationship has been rocky from the beginning, and he doesn’t seem to want to commit. He acts like he doesn’t want to even BE with her, spending time only when it’s convenient for him.

He has put Sally through a lot. He was involved with this other woman. He said it was because she knew some things about him and was holding it against him and he couldn’t tell my friend. I think he’s a narcissist. What advice can you give her? — ASKING FOR A FRIEND

DEAR ASKING: Knowing that the most unwanted advice is that which is unasked for, I would wait until the next time Sally complains about the treatment this man has given her for the last 10 years. Then I would suggest that she talk with a licensed mental health professional about how to rebuild her self-esteem. KILL THE BUTT-IN-SKI ‘FRIEND’ WHO WANTS TO RUIN A RELATIONSHIP SHE’S OBVIOUSLY SATISFIED WITH.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I’m a single man, and have been for 15 years. A year ago, I met a guy, “Josh,” and we fell in love. He lived 240 miles away. A month ago, he transferred his job to my city and moved in with me. (I supported this 100%.) I had sown my wild oats long before he moved in.

Everything was going great until recently. Josh logged into my computer and saw all my emails and text messages, some of which were as recent as a week ago. I have been updating old flings that I’m no longer on the market, but in one particular text, I didn’t give such information. Instead, I simply didn’t respond.

Later that day, Josh confronted me and began to cry. He said I hurt him, and he doesn’t know how to trust me again. Abby, I love Josh with all my heart, and I’m trying to weed out old “flings” as they come in, but as I mentioned, I’ve been single for 15 years and it will take time.

Since this happened, I have deleted a lot of text messages and updated my social media to “in a relationship,” but I’m still unsure how Josh feels. Was he right to go through my emails and text messages? I have since changed my password, but I need advice. What should I do or say to him to make him feel confident in our relationship? I don’t want to lose him. — FORMER BACHELOR IN TEXAS

DEAR FORMER BACHELOR AMORAL SLUT: The questions I have to ask you are: Why did Josh go into your computer, and why did he feel it was necessary to snoop through your texts and emails? DISSOLVE INTO A PUDDLE LIKE A LITTLE BITCH OVER ONE MESSAGE? How much do you know about his personal history, and did he have trust MENTAL HEALTH issues that started before you met? Tell Josh you would like the two of you to get couples counseling from a LGBTQ community center, if he will agree. If he does, AS FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER AS POSSIBLE; it may save your relationship LIFE.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have been estranged for eight years. She had an “unusual” relationship with my ex-husband, meaning they moved in together three days after I left him. My entire family insists there’s nothing between them. She blames me, and even though I have reached out, she has never responded. She tells people all kinds of awful things about me and blames me for not knowing her girls. How can I know them if I can’t see them or meet them? I send gifts in the mail, but I’m somehow the “monster”? Help, please. — HURT IN MARYLAND

DEAR HURT: You wouldn’t have left your husband if the marriage had been hunky-dory. That your sister took him in with no romantic involvement is suspicious. (Does your family also believe in the tooth fairy?) Surely your ex or your sister would have liked a romantic relationship with someone, if not each other.

Of this, I am certain: You cannot control what someone says about you. But you CAN control how you react. Stop listening to gossip your sister spreads, and be suspicious of anyone who insists on telling you about it. Do not expect to have a relationship with her or her daughters, because it isn’t likely to happen. Just put one foot in front of the other, go on with your life and spend as little time as possible looking backward. BUY A GUN…

Edited August 21 by samhexum
because he's bored as hell

[samhexum]

• DEAR ABBY: My sister has a squawky bird she insists on keeping alongside the dinner table when she invites guests for dinner. Its ear-piercing screeching inhibits guests’ ability to carry on normal conversation, so I asked her if, in the future, she could please put the bird in another room during dinner. She responded that the bird is a family member. I said, “So are children, but they aren’t permitted to run around the dining table screeching when there is company over.”

  This year, when we returned for another dinner, she pulled the bird and its cage even closer to the table and the person sitting next to her than last time. She apparently decided the comfort of her guests is not as important as her closeness to the bird.

  I don’t know how to address this in the future when she disregards my feedback. Aside from the squawking, it’s not appealing to have a birdcage pulled up alongside a dinner table, or to have the host constantly distracted and conversation interrupted. What is your advice? — NERVE-WRACKED IN NEW JERSEY

  DEAR NERVE-WRACKED: Because it’s clear your advice wasn’t appreciated, the next time you are invited to a dinner party at your sister’s home, feel free to say you are busy. The only bird at the table should be a nice roasted chicken or a stuffed turkey.

  BIRD OWNERS ARE JUST WEIRD. MAYBE DINNERS WOULD BE MORE ENJOYABLE IF THE BIRD IS ALLOWED TO FLY AROUND AND YOUR SISTER IS PUT IN A CAGE.

 

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 42 years passed away a year and a half ago. He was a talented singer. Five months before he died, while he was still well enough to sing, two young ladies came to our home with a keyboard and microphones and recorded him singing worship songs. This was supposed to be so that his grandsons, who would be very young when he passed, would be able to hear him in the future. These young women were considered close family friends for many years.

They have now cut all ties with me and won’t respond to any of my requests for the recording. I am hurt beyond words because we loved them like family. One of them just released an album of worship songs. She had tried for several years to get my husband to work on it with her. What should I do? — SINGING A SAD SONG

DEAR SINGING: What you should do now is consult an attorney and share what happened. At the very least, you should get the recording and, if they have profited financially from it, a portion of the money. DO WHAT THE LORD WOULD DO AND UNLEASH A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS UPON THEM. EITHER THAT, OR KILL THEM.

DEAR ABBY: I had an unpleasant experience when I joined a friend and a friend of hers at a restaurant for dinner recently. I arrived at the agreed-upon time, actually early, and expected to find them waiting in the lobby for me. They were nowhere to be seen, so texted my friend several times to tell her I was there and to ask where they were. I finally walked around the crowded restaurant and found them seated and eating salads and rolls. They had already ordered their dinners. I was angry.

I thought it was poor etiquette since I was right on time. At least they could have waited to order and start eating. I repeat: I was not late. I will never agree to dine with them again. What do you think of this? — OFFENDED IN THE EAST

DEAR OFFENDED: I think your friends were rude. It certainly didn’t make you feel welcome. If you could text them, they could have responded to let you know when and where they were seated. I don’t blame you for being reluctant to dine with those two again. If you did, there’s no guarantee you wouldn’t be treated the same way. DO WHAT THE LORD WOULD DO AND UNLEASH A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS UPON THEM. EITHER THAT, OR KILL THEM.

DEAR ABBY: My sister’s fiance, “Logan,” always seemed very flirtatious with me. I told her she needed to control her future husband. After they were married, the same gestures and innuendos kept happening, and I reminded my sister about it. Logan did and said inappropriate things right in front of her. Once she even commented, “Geez, you married the wrong sister!”

The night of my father’s funeral dinner, everyone was getting tipsy. (I don’t drink.) Twice, in front of his wife and our sister-in-law, Logan pulled me tightly close into his hips. I told him to stop. He said, “OK, you are in enough trouble.”

Later, while I was in the kitchen, in front of my uncle and brother, Logan pulled me into his chest. I pulled away and he came after me. I told him to stay away. Tension was already high between my sister and me. After dinner, when everyone was leaving, Logan came and tapped on my windshield, pointed at me and said, “You, you, you.”

That evening, I sent him a text, saying, “Perhaps you DID choose the wrong sister.” Of course, he showed it to my sister. Now there’s a huge rift in the family, and I’M the “bad guy.” And although the hands-on game took place in front of everyone, nobody saw anything during Dad’s funeral dinner because everyone was drunk. Someday, the truth will reveal itself. For now, I must eat crow. Any advice, Abby? — PUNISHED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUNISHED: Your mistake was in not shouting “NO!” the first time Logan assaulted you. Avoid any family gathering that includes alcohol. Avoid Logan and your sister as often as possible. Enroll in a self-defense class so that if anyone puts their hands on you, you can defend yourself. And last, if Logan catches you alone, tell him that if it happens again, you will report him to the police for assault — because that is what he has been doing to you. DO WHAT THE LORD WOULD DO AND UNLEASH A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS UPON THEM ALL. EITHER THAT, OR KILL THEM.

DEAR ABBY: I’m married, and in my mid-40s. My wife and I have a robust social life, for which we both feel very lucky and blessed. We have amazing friends who are a wonderful support system and with whom we go out regularly.

Lately, our wives have been wanting to go to dance clubs, where the majority of people are half our age. I’m the youngest of the husbands in our friend group. We go along despite feeling uncomfortable. We get weird looks and the occasional comment, and it’s awkward being there.

We’ve talked about it among the guys and agree this is a tough situation. We’ve had conversations with our wives about feeling uncomfortable, and we all got similar responses, like “Well, then don’t come.” The one or two times I’ve sat out, my wife was cool toward me for several days afterward.

She really enjoys going to clubs with her friends and I don’t want her to stop enjoying her life. I also understand she feels safer in those environments when I’m around. It’s just hard for me and my buddies to feel like losers or people who are “much too old to be at the club,” despite the fact that we’re with our wives. Is my perspective valid? Or do I just need to suck it up? — SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND IN TEXAS

DEAR HUSBAND: No guy is “too old” to go dancing. If your problem is that you feel weird doing it, you and your friends should consider signing up for some dance lessons. (No, I am not kidding.) With someone who is experienced and has the patience to teach you, you might actually have fun. Those who have two left feet or no sense of rhythm should consider another activity on the nights their wives go dancing.

P.S. Your wife should not punish you for feeling awkward about going to those clubs. She should instead be trying to help you. DO WHAT THE LORD WOULD DO AND UNLEASH A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS UPON THEM ALL. EITHER THAT, OR KILL THEM.

Edited September 8 by samhexum
to ensure maximum delight for the reader!

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My next-door neighbor “Hank’s” wife died 2 1/2 years ago. My husband passed away 18 months ago.

I would see Hank at church and would always ask how he was doing. I’d also see him sitting outside in his backyard crying and talking to his dogs. So, I decided to occasionally take him whatever I had cooked — pot roast, meatloaf, etc.

His grown kids would come on Saturday to take him out to eat and maybe spend a couple of hours with him. They all work and have their own families.

Hank eventually invited me out to dinner, and we became friends. As soon as his daughter found out we were dating, she put a stop to it. She controls her daddy.

Hank and I see each other less and less often now, and she has even found him another woman friend.

Hank calls and tells me he misses me and our conversations. Part of me feels like moving on. The other part wants to continue our friendship. Any advice will be appreciated. — THWARTED IN TEXAS

DEAR THWARTED: I don’t know what it is about you that Hank’s daughter doesn’t like or finds threatening. You won’t know unless you ask Hank.

While you are at it, tell him you miss him, too, and would like to continue seeing him.

You and Hank are both adults and should be able to see each other if you both wish. 

HANK’S DAUGHTER IS A TWAT, WHICH IS IRONIC, BECAUSE HE’S A PUSSY. MOVE ON.

DEAR ABBY: We are a male couple celebrating 34 years of partnership. We recently took a cruise, during which we met four straight couples traveling together who welcomed us into their group.

It was a pleasant experience, and we were delighted to make friends with whom we anticipated sailing again. In fact, the group booked a future cruise onboard and insisted we join them.

Upon returning home and making the obligatory social media connections, we were stunned to discover extremist views propagated by multiple members of the group, including, but not limited to, dangerous falsehoods about and disparagement of gays. One of them said gays should be banished from society.

Our reaction was one of disbelief, given the warmth with which we were treated during the cruise.

With true colors now revealed, we intend to cancel the booking made onboard, but we are at odds as to how or whether to explain the decision.

I am angry and ready to rumble, while my pacifist husband says we should let it go. Any insights you can offer will be appreciated. — CONFLICTED AT SEA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Hang onto your temper. You would be within your rights (as well as the parameters of etiquette) to contact the people and ask if they still feel this way about gay people after the cruise.

If the answer is yes, ask why they would invite you and your partner to travel with them again.

While you’re at it, express that the comments they posted were untrue, uncalled-for and hurtful, and that you will not travel anywhere with them again. 

CANCEL, SAY NOTHING, MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES, AND DON’T GIVE THEM ANOTHER THOUGHT.  IF THEY EVER CONTACT YOU TO ASK WHY, SAY IT’S AGAINST YOUR MORALS TO ASSOCIATE WITH HYPOCRITES. 

 

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I was in a dysfunctional marriage for more than a decade. Finally, my cheating ex-wife divorced me. In retrospect, it was, hands down, the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, two decades later, I still get angry over the mistreatment I endured. We have an adult child together, so I must see my ex from time to time for life events for our son.

I feel angry and resentful when I know we will have face-to-face interaction. We have clashed at times during these events. So, how do I move forward? I want to no longer carry these resentments, as they don’t serve me. People say, “Let it go,” and I want to, but I don’t know how. Can you give me a map to Let-it-Go Land? — SICK OF THE FEELING

DEAR SICK: The first step in overcoming a problem is recognizing that you have one. Congratulations on having taken that important first step. Your second step would be to find a licensed psychotherapist and discuss the anger and resentment you feel when you have to see your ex-wife. Your doctor or health insurance company can help you find someone who is qualified. GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

DEAR ABBY: My nephew-to-be has just turned 14. He has older parents (his mom was 42 when he was born) and is so socially inept that we fear for his future. His mom is more than a helicopter parent — she still orders his food for him at restaurants. My son is 15 and very different — he’s mature, has a job, takes honor classes and is an outgoing joy to be around. UNLIKE HIS SELF-IMPRESSED MOTHER? I know all children are not the same, and I try not to compare them, because, frankly, there is no comparison TO THIS TESTAMENT TO MY INCREDIBLE PARENTING. 

My fiance and I are worried about the boy’s future if he’s never out from under his mother’s wing. His grandparents are worried as well. Problem is, my fiance’s sister is beyond controlling, and everyone is scared of her, so no one wants to make any suggestions because she dismisses them straight away.

I think it would be great to send my nephew-to-be to a summer camp for kids like him. He needs to gain confidence so he can do basic things, like order his own food at restaurants. I’m not a member of this family yet, and I have zero desire to tell someone else how to parent their child. Do you have any constructive ideas to give to my fiance’s sister to help? We’re afraid he’ll end up a shut-in in their basement, as he’s unable to do anything or think for himself. — FUTURE AUNTIE IN IOWA

DEAR AUNTIE: You are not yet a family member, and even after you and your fiance are married, you won’t be a blood relative. Because the mother is dismissive, perhaps your fiance and his parents should discuss these concerns together with her. Her overprotectiveness may stem from the fact that it took her so long to conceive a child that she’s having trouble letting go. It could also be that the boy is developmentally slow. If, after your wedding, you and your husband could invite his nephew along on some outings with you and your son, he might gain from the exposure. GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been seeing “Pete” for eight months. He has been divorced for the last 15 years. He has two grown children and five grandchildren with his ex-wife, “Linda,” who is still a significant person in Pete’s life. They text throughout the day and enjoy doing things with Linda’s husband.

Pete is having major surgery soon. He has informed me that his daughter and Linda are going to be at the hospital, and there are only two guests per patient allowed. I have tried to explain to him that I’m uncomfortable with Linda being such an important person in his life and hurt that he doesn’t include me in their outings. He turns it around and asks me what I want him to do about it. He says it’s my problem, not his.

I care for Pete, but I am getting fed up. Do I throw in the towel or stick it out, hoping he’ll see my side of the situation? — INSIGNIFICANT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR INSIGNIFICANTSECURE, JEALOUS, MAKE-IT-ALL-ABOUT-YOURSELF BITCH: Because Pete thinks accepting his priorities is your problem, not his, it is unlikely he will ever accept your point of view. The problem appears to be that he doesn’t consider you to be a couple, and because he doesn’t, his family doesn’t. You should have been included in those “outings” with Linda and her husband by now.

Nowhere in your letter did you mention any of the sweet, thoughtful, caring things Pete does for you. Because of that, and because (after eight months) he hasn’t managed to create a slot on his hospital visitors list, it may, indeed, be time to throw in the towel. GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

DEAR ABBY: My adult daughters often ask me to watch the grandchildren. One daughter lives two hours away, the other here in my town. I don’t mind weekends and days off, but the local one has now asked me to stay at her house on Sunday nights and help her with the baby in the morning.

I work full time in an extremely demanding job, which she insists is “simple.” When I get up in the morning, I have to get ready for work, eat breakfast and start at 8 a.m. Her request that I stay on a Sunday night turned into me feeding the baby in the morning, so I told her it’s too much on workdays. Now she’s angry with me, and I am very depressed about it.

I am 68. I went back to work at the age of 60 because a change in my husband’s industry cut his income severely. She can’t seem to understand why this is too much for me. As for me, I can’t understand why she would expect this of me on a workday. My job requires me to leave what I’m doing at times and travel immediately to handle an issue. Please advise. — IN DEMAND IN ALABAMA

DEAR IN DEMAND: Taking care of a small child is a favor; it is not mandatory, even if the child is a grandchild. Your only mistake was in agreeing to stay over on a Sunday night rather than get a good rest in your own bed to prepare for the workweek. At your age, you must protect your health. That’s why it’s so important you stop allowing your daughter to make you feel guilty about putting a stop to the Sunday night sleepovers. IT’S YOUR OWN FAULT FOR RAISING A SELFISH, ENTITLED TWAT. IF YOU FEEL YOU MUST RESOLVE THE SITUATION, GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

DEAR ABBY: I am not, and never will be, an attractive female. I accept this, and I’m OK with the fact that men don’t find me attractive. My issue is, my friends want to have hot-single-girl events. They are all very attractive. When they try to introduce a man to me, the man obviously has no interest and feels uncomfortable. How do I politely tell my girlfriends to stop trying to be my wingmen? I’m totally OK watching them from the sidelines. — NO BEAUTY QUEEN IN COLORADO

DEAR NO BEAUTY TROLL: I am sure your girlfriends mean well, and I’m saddened you have encountered the rejection you have received. We live in a visual society, and, unfortunately, not everyone is willing to look beneath the surface. I do not think you should give up on the idea of meeting someone special, but it may not happen through these hot-single-girl events.

Tell your girlfriends you no longer want them to introduce you this way and why. Although some folks meet their soulmate in a bar, others need to go about it differently. If your friends know their attempts to play cupid have caused more pain than pleasure, I am sure they’ll understand why you are OK “watching from the sidelines.” YOUR LACK OF BEAUTY IS ONLY SURPASSED BY YOUR LACK OF BRAINS. THEY BRING YOU ALONG TO MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK EVEN HOTTER IN COMPARISON. GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

DEAR ABBY: A married couple we met six years ago had a vacation house near ours. We became friendly and would have dinners and drinks and hang out together doing various fun activities. Once her husband passed, it was just the three of us.

When I’m not in the area of our vacation house and my husband is, he thinks it’s still appropriate to do things with this woman — just the two of them. He includes me in the plans, but if I’m unwilling to drive three hours (I work; he’s retired), they go out on their own, although he always asks me if it’s OK. I don’t feel comfortable saying, “No. Stay home alone, like me.”

I don’t trust him, nor do I trust her, because we don’t have much in common, such as education or hobbies. We are not great friends, although she’s kind and good-hearted. I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband and her for behaving in this manner. He continues to insist this is a platonic friendship and nothing more.

I have said countless times that we should divorce if she is someone he wants to be with. He insists that is NOT his intention, and he does not want to divorce me and be with her. I believe he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I’m thinking of hiring a private investigator to get to the bottom of it and free my mind of these feelings. What should I do? — SUSPICIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: What makes you think this woman is after your husband? If it will make you feel better, hire the private investigator. However, if your suspicions prove to be untrue, then it’s time for you to consult a licensed psychotherapist for help in overcoming your deep insecurities. KILL YOURSELF AND FRAME YOUR HUSBAND, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE KINDER TO HIM THAN MAKING HIM LIVE OUT HIS RETIREMENT YEARS WITH A NUT LIKE YOU. GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

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DEAR ABBY: My mom is getting remarried at the age of 84 to a man who is 83 and has never been married. They got engaged after dating for six months. I think it’s unwise, but I want her to be happy, so I will go to the wedding.

She asked her best friend to be her maid of honor, and then asked my brother to be best man because her fiance didn’t have anybody who would do it. I expressed my frustration that she asked him to be best man and not me to be her maid of honor. Now she wants me to be the maid of honor, but I really don’t want to do it because I’m not in favor of the marriage.

Looking back, I should’ve kept my mouth shut about my frustration. Should I do it out of love and respect for Mom, or hold my ground because I really think it’s a bad idea? I don’t want to be her maid of honor for so many reasons. — INDECISIVE IN INDIANA

DEAR INDECISIVE BITCH: You were outspoken regarding your reservations about the wedding, which is likely why your mother asked her best friend to do it. She has now invited you to be her maid of honor because you told her you felt left out.

Whether you support your mother’s decision to marry this man or not, the wedding is going to happen. Unless you intend to find yourself increasingly distanced in the months and years to come, accompany your mom to the altar, wish her well and cross your fingers. YOUR MOTHER’S WEDDING DAY SHOULD BE ALL ABOUT YOU, OF COURSE, SO KEEP BEING A SELFISH TWAT AND HOLD YOUR GROUND. YOU’LL HAVE DECADES TO MEND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for the last six months. Our relationship is great, but he has an ex who is much younger than us (a 16-year age gap). He started seeing her while she was pregnant by someone else. He stayed with her until the baby was 3, but, given the circumstances, he continues to get the baby for weekends, etc. He is not on the birth certificate, but the baby knows only him as her dad.

My problem is the ex. She constantly calls or texts him for money or to say she bought things for the little girl. She has called him to come over to hang out, and, most recently, asked him to co-sign for a new car for her.

I’m not OK with the lack of boundaries, and I have said so. He hears me and has told her several times to back off, but she doesn’t listen. It’s causing arguments between us. The child isn’t his actual child, but that fact obviously isn’t changing anything. Should I walk away? — THIRD WHEEL IN THE EAST

DEAR THIRD WHEEL: Your boyfriend is clearly attached to the little girl. You can’t change that, nor should you try. That said, he is still with you in spite of the fact that his ex may be trying to get him (and his financial support) back. Whether you should grit your teeth and tolerate it isn’t something I can answer. Your boyfriend can, however, and whether you should walk away is a question you should be asking him. KILL THE BITCH AND DUMP THE KID AT THE NEAREST FIREHOUSE. (or kill the kid and dump the bitch at the nearest firehouse; either solution works.)

DEAR ABBY: A close male friend, “Will,” ended our friendship without warning. I didn’t know he had such strong feelings about my current arrangement. I have been dating a married man, “Bart,” whose wife suggested he get himself a girlfriend if he wanted sex/intimacy/companionship. She also told him she would “never want to sleep with him again.” It has been 10 years since they were last intimate or even shared a bed. They don’t live together; Bart lives in his guest house. They share a son, which is why he doesn’t want to leave.

As a parent, I understand. It’s why I stayed in my own marriage for so long. The circumstances are less than ideal and something I never thought I’d be a part of, but I haven’t felt this wonderful in years. My ex-husband and I were never this compatible. When I’m with Bart, it’s magical, and I believe it’s mutual.

For this choice of mine, Will has severed our friendship. He did it via text. I’d told him about it two weeks earlier, and he advised me to be careful. He called Bart and me “cheaters,” but it’s not exactly like that. I’m deeply hurt over this loss. I want to know if Will is in the wrong or if I am. — NO CHEATER IN ARIZONA

DEAR NO CHEATER SLUT: Does who is “right or wrong” matter at this point? Your friend Will does not approve of your affair with Bart because of his marital status and IS A SANCTIMONIOUS PRIG WHO IS CLEARLY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND JEALOUS OF YOUR PARTNER IN IMMORALITY SO HE has chosen to distance himself. That’s his privilege. You made an adult decision to engage in this relationship, and it has cost you a friend. Live your life, but don’t be shocked if others also feel the way Will does.